79 year old dad

[MyAuntyBadger]

Hello, I'm looking for some advice please and don't know where to start.

I visited my dad last night, with dh, we visit every Wednesday eve and he prepares for our visit by putting out dishes of crisps/nuts/biscuits and a bottle of wine. For the last few months we've pretended it's still a lovely social visit and catch up while ignoring his increasingly bizarre conversation and deteriorating house standards. I have always got on well with him but I've never lived with him so it's not a normal father/daughter relationship.

Last night he rang to say not to come over as he wasn't well and was in bed, we were nearly there (he lives an hour away) so he said ok, see you soon. He had fallen again, his face was a mess, his coffee table and contents were in bits all over the living room, and his arm and leg hurt. There was blood on the cream carpet. He considers dh and I as visitors/friends, not people to help, so hadn't rang on Monday when he fell and I know he won't call anyone else either, he just battles on through as he doesn't want to be an inconvenience. Also, he drinks and I think he's a bit ashamed about it.

Last night he agreed to some medical help, but only if I left it until today - he wanted a good night's sleep last night but said I could ring his doctor today and ask for a home visit (I don't even know if they still do home visits?). He also admitted that he needs some help to carry on living independently at home, but I don't know who to contact? Social services? NHS?

He's asked me not to ring him until 11 am today as he wants a lie in.

TIA

[picklemepopcorn]

Hello, that must have been very upsetting!

Ring his GP and explain as you have explained. They'll probably send a nurse in the first instance, to assess if he needs further medical attention after his fall.

They will certainly signpost you to social care, if not directly arrange the connection.

[picklemepopcorn]

Oh, and tell them you have his permission to talk to them, that will help.

[Number3or4]

They can't talk to you about him without him there giving consent. They do allow me to call and make appointments for my grandmother and last time dr did say she is eligible for home visit which grandma refused.

[Windygate]

I've been/am going through similar with my DM. Ring his GP and request a home visit, make sure they know he has asked you to call.

I also recommend contacting Adult Services at DF's council. Request an assessment under the Care Act and make sure you tell them he has asked for help and that you would like to be present for the assessment.

Check out web sites such as Age Concern for information and support.

[MyAuntyBadger]

Thank you! I rang his surgery and a nurse will call to see him between 12 and 3 this afternoon, so I rang dad to tell him and he is in pain today. He had another stumble on his way to bed last night and his wrist is swollen and sore so hopefully the nurse will help him with that. I'm his listed next of kin at the surgery after his two hip replacements in 2016/17 and I have POA so I have no problem organising things, and he's happy to accept help now, so that's half the battle.

He's very easy - going, but there's definitely the beginnings of a mental decline (e.g. saying wrong words, describing an occurrence as being last week when it was a year ago etc.). His wife died six years ago and he's been steadily drinking more since then which doesn't help, but there's not much I can do about that.

I'd never heard of Adult Services, so I'll give them a ring now. Thank you again for your help.

[picklemepopcorn]

Hopefully, the nurse will have seen, and understood the nature of his needs. They know what to do and who to alert, I'd say.