At the beginning of the year my 81yo dad had a serious fall which has left him unable to walk unaided and needing help with washing, dressing, stairs etc. He is unable to do anything around the house/garden and hasn't driven for years. His speech also seems to have been affected although there are no physical signs of neurological damage in that area.
He is also on meds for blood pressure and cholesterol, has some urinary incontinence, atrial fibrillation, angina and quite severe depression which tablets have thus far failed to improve. Oh, he's on Warfarin too.
The consultant has advised us that realistically the best we can hope for is a 50% recovery over 18 months.
Mum is 80. She is running the home, caring for him (he's recently been discharged so they have a carer helping out twice a day at the moment but it's not 100% working for them and is only in place short term), doing all the driving when necessary which she is getting less and less comfortable/confident with.
She is also on BP and cholesterol meds, insulin dependant diabetic and on different blood thinners due to a heart attack 15 months ago. She is intermittently dual incontinent and suffers from anxiety for which she's currently receiving counselling.
She is also extremely hard of hearing, even with aids in.
Mum is a blue badge holder due to her heart and continence issues and we need to apply for one for dad.
We have no other family support and I currently work full time in a job which, by it's nature, is not very flexible at all.
My parents are comfortably off (but not 'rolling in it') and have recently offered to help me clear some debts I accrued through the process of getting divorced and setting up a new home for me and my teenage daughter. If they did this in full it's possible I would be able to manage on Carers Allowance and the additional benefits I'd be entitled to and be there for them f/t.
I'd envisage going in and helping dad get up, washed, dressed & downstairs in the morning, the discussing any help mum needs with household/practical stuff (cooking, shopping, cleaning, gardening, DIY, paperwork etc), and mapping the rest of the day around that. Running them to and from appointments (can be as many as 5 a week depending on the state of their health at the time), taking mum out or sitting with dad so she can have a break a couple of times a week, and trying to engage dad with some activities to support his mental health. Going back late evening if necessary to help Dad to bed (sometimes they can manage, sometimes not - they gave the carer yesterday evening off as he'd been ok the night before and doesn't like going up too early, but when it came to it he felt unable to manage and I had to do a mercy dash in my PJs at 10pm!). I'd basically be on call for them 24/7 although would obviously expect us to work out a basic plan then add in any extra needs as required each week.
Does this seem reasonable/realistic? Tbh it's not a position I ever thought about being in and I'm not 100% sure how doable it is, but feel it's something I seriously need to consider.
I'd be interested to hear from other f/t carers what their days involve and whether you think my situation is 'enough' for me to consider making this move.
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Elderly parents
Considering becoming a FT carer for elderly parents?
49 replies
MintyCedric · 11/03/2019 08:50
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