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Elderly parents

Grandfather sleeping most of the day and awake at night - how do we get him out of this?

17 replies

HippityHop · 24/07/2018 19:02

My DM is full time carer to my her dad, my grandfather. (92 years old). He is not senile, but he has moments where he isn't very lucid. Physically, he's very frail.
They live in his home.
She tries to keep him to a normal timetable (i.e. awake and having breakfast in the morning...meals at normal times). But for some reason he keeps reverting to sleeping all day, then having 'breakfast' in the evening and being awake much of the night....
It's a total bind for my DM. How can she stop this happening...it always ends up more like that than not!

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bellinisurge · 24/07/2018 19:04

I'm afraid this sounds pretty normal. He isn't a baby and if this sleep pattern suits him it's what he'll follow. However, he is also old enough to know the toll this places on his carers and help work out a solution.

PointlessAnswer · 24/07/2018 19:09

I would be concerned as this can be quite common in patients with dementia. I would suggest a visit to his GP for a referral to the memory clinic/dementia team. I would also ask if the GP could prescribe melatonin for a couple of weeks to re-set his day/night balance and encourage him to sleep at night so he is not so tired during the day.

MissLingoss · 24/07/2018 19:16

What care does he need, exactly? Does he need help going to the toilet, which means your mum needs to be there? Is he unsafe making himself something to eat or drink in the kitchen? Is he likely to have a fall if he moves around unaided?

I don't think you can tell an adult when to go to bed and get up, but could you discuss with him how to approach specific issues - 'Grandad, what if you need to do xxxx when Mum's asleep?'

HoleyCoMoley · 24/07/2018 19:22

I've seen this before, bless him he is 92, its hot, maybe he feels tired during the day. Has he seen a doctor, ruled out any infection that might be making him a bit unsettled or tested him for dementia.

frontera · 24/07/2018 19:54

My 92 year old nana is like this. She still lives independently though. I wonder if it's because as she had less and less to do each day she started getting up later and later so now goes to bed later and later. Plus telly is better in the evenings than the mornings and that's her main activity. It's frustrating because there's no point visiting her before 1pm because she'll still be in bed and that's the only time of day I'm really free. Assuming he doesn't need help with the loo etc I'd just let him sleep when he wants.

MarmaladeAtkinsX · 24/07/2018 19:58

It sounds like Sundowning and agree with pointless I think it is quite normal for his age.

HippityHop · 24/07/2018 20:32

@PointlessAnswer I don't think he's got dementia ... actually I'm not a dr and I wouldn't know what the symptoms of dementia are exactly. But he is sufficiently lucid most of the time for me to suspect he hasn't got dementia. And the GP sees him fairly regularly so would have mentioned something I assume? He has got consistently low oxygen levels (he should be on oxygen most of the time, but I don't believe he is), which might account for moments/periods of confusion.

I hadn't thought of melatonin though. I will definitely suggest that my mum mentions this to the dr.

"What care does he need, exactly?" he has basically zero strength and very little lung capacity. So doing anything whatsoever tires him out. I don't think he can go get himself a drink for example. He needs help washing and dressing/undressing. He falls easily, and then can't get up. He is very bad at taking his medicines (I think my DM and he have big rows about it as I think he thinks she's nagging). He has v v bad exzema and needs someone to apply his creams on him. He gets frequent bouts of fever and as far as I can tell is frequently on antibiotics.

I haven't seen him in a while as they live in Paris (he is French), and I live and work in UK (where I grew up) with young DC.

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Bumdishcloths · 24/07/2018 22:07

If he's 92 and has low sat levels, sleeping all day is completely normal, he can't get enough oxygen round his body to keep it "switched on" - frequent infections will cause confusion but so will dementia, and with dementia comes sundowning which is exactly as you describe. He may not have a formal diagnosis of dementia but the doctor may think at his age and current health it goes without saying. I hope that your DM finds some relief from somewhere, it's terribly hard being a full time career to a family member.

HippityHop · 24/07/2018 22:12

Thank you @Bumdishcloths. "I hope that your DM finds some relief from somewhere" She found a lady through an ad in a shop...this woman is 80 herself though!!!!! She comes round a couple of hours a day to help out. She's a former nurse. And, on top of being 80, she has a blind sister she lives with and looks after!

My mum is an only child. So basically she does it all. My grandfather doesn't really like anyone else doing stuff for him (I think he grits his teeth when this former nurse lady does stuff, but frequently calls for my mum instead).

It's pretty awful actually, My DM has no life of her own. She can't leave him more than a couple of hours.

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HippityHop · 24/07/2018 22:14

sleeping all day is completely normal, he can't get enough oxygen round his body to keep it "switched on But why can't he do this at night? the sleeping all the way through I mean

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HippityHop · 24/07/2018 22:15

It's pretty awful actually, My DM has no life of her own. She can't leave him more than a couple of hours. Oh and she has been his live in carer (leaving behind her life and job in the UK) for the last 7 years!!!!

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Rebecca36 · 24/07/2018 22:21

As long as he doesn't disturb your mother, why worry?

HippityHop · 24/07/2018 22:36

@Rebecca36 well because he does invariably disturb my DM. When someone is as incapacitated as he, there's only so long he can go - awake - without needing assistance of some sort...

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HippityHop · 24/07/2018 22:38

Also, if he's asleep most of the day he's not really eating. And he can't get himself his own food... So how does that work if he gets peckish at night or - God forbid - wants something more substantial than a snack?
Food is a major source of bother/friction because he has become so very fussy

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HippityHop · 25/07/2018 10:51

Aside from melatonin (which is an avenue I will encourage my DM to investigate), has anyone got any tips?

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ThePricklySheep · 25/07/2018 10:53

The general advice with this sort of sleep pattern would be to try really hard to stay awake during the day. Is there any way he could be kept busy/out and about to keep him awake during the day? One day may be all it needs.

HippityHop · 25/07/2018 14:49

@ThePricklySheep well it does happen occasionally that he does a day more awake than not...but it always tends back to the 'new normal' which is asleep in day and awake at night

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