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FIL died this week, very worried about MIL

(5 Posts)
SleepFreeZone Tue 09-Jan-18 22:34:57

My DP is being absolutely amazing and has stayed down there this week. He's back home for a few days and then will be going to stay again. She lives an hour away from us and doesn't drive. Her health is not the best but she is independent and can get out and about.

She loves her house and neighbours and doesn't want to move. Unfortunately all the benefits she was able to claim for caring for FIL will now stop and we're not entirely sure whether she can afford to stay in the house now. She's obviously really scared about the future which I can absolutely understand.

Ideally it would be better if she moved to be nearer to us so at least we could drive her places. Downsizing would be more practical too but perhaps that's a conversation for months or years down the line.

I hate the thought of her on her own tonight feeling scared for the future 😔

welshmist Tue 09-Jan-18 22:45:49

My MIL was in shock when FIL dropped dead suddenly. We got the funeral out of the way and started discussing downsizing, she was amazingly up for it. With the extra money she had all new furniture suited to a small apartment. She did stay local though which is I think very important. Her friends network was there so to uproot her was something she was set against.

retirednow Wed 10-Jan-18 11:44:59

Sorry for your loss, it's a difficult time and she is grieving. Financially she will no longer get attendance or carers allowance, was she claiming anything else. She can speak to the pensions office about her pension, she will get a council tax reduction and may get other help, it's all available to read on line, Gov.Uk. would she be able to come and stay with you for a while, sometimes people do prefer to stay in their home for a while though. You all need time to accept what has happened and get the funeral sorted before making long-term plans, she might want to stay local but downsize a bit there. It costs a lot to sell up and move so do bear this in mind if she decides she wants to move.i wish you all the best and hope she is ok, you sound a very caring family.

F1reStarter Wed 10-Jan-18 19:46:30

Sorry for the loss of your FIL

I realise that it is very early days. However some benefits cannot be back dated. I would encourage MIL to apply for single council tax reduction asap and advise the correct departments about stopping other benefits that are no longer needed like carers allowance etc

I would not make any major changes like moving house until at earliest 6 months have passed.

It will take MIL time to adjust

If you are able to help practically and emotionally I am sure that will be appreciated in the future

hidinginthegarden Sat 13-Jan-18 21:50:43

Sorry for your loss.
Just agreeing with previous posters but it is still very early and there is a lot to deal with.
I'd be slightly nervous of moving her away from her own friends and support network to be closer to you. She probably has friends that she sees on a daily basis and all the responsibility for 'entertaining' her could fall to you. That's a lot to take on, so it would be a good idea to take your time before making any decisions.

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