Hi. I'm feeling low this morning, I haven't visited my mother for nearly 3 weeks, I feel so bad about it but worse for not wanting to actually go.
Mom suffers osteoarthritis and her mobility is so poor she had to move into a residential care home. She lived with my brother for 3 years after resentfully (understandably) giving up the family home.
My mother was a hard-working and fiercely proud (still is) woman, she was an awesome mom.
She is so angry at losing her independence, I fear she is depressed as does her GP but she will not consider treatment.
She made my brother’s life really hard for him, she was ungrateful and horrid, he aged over-night had a crisis himself and the stress nearly ended his marriage.
A care home had to be the next step.
Her pride and high standards makes living in a care home hard, think Hyacinth Bucket.
I have two brothers that live in the same town as her, one bro hasn't visited her for 15 months, excuses border comical. Bro who used to care for her has been banished due to a separate falling out, he's not fighting his banishment mind.
I have nephews whom visit her because she was a wonderful grandmother, they're so good and take her gripes and unreasonable behaviour in good humour.
Then there is me, I live 30 miles away, married, 3 primary school age children and a FT job.
When I visit I never know what I'm going to get, sometimes she's nice, sometimes she bitches like crazy, sometimes she cries and cries, sometimes she's nasty, sometimes she makes me perform pointless errands for hours. She screams at residents who dare to sit in 'her chair'.
She's always nice to my children and generous but her meltdowns confuse them and leave them 'feeling sorry' for her.
When she's not being nice or cries I find it emotionally and mentally draining.
I bought her an elderly friendly mobile phone as she misses being able to to speak to me and her grandchildren when she wants to.
I called her this weekend and she answered the phone with a strong bright voice, the moment she heard my voice she crumbled and cried, out came a tirade of complaints and anger.
I have often witnessed her countenance and voice change upon seeing me from chatty and vibrant to tearful and in pain. I have told her I know she does this and it is not fair but she continues.
I could've visited her this weekend...I didn't and the telephone conversation hasn't helped her prospect of seeing me this weekend either.
Any encouraging words and strategies would be greatly appreciated.
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Elderly parents
I don't want to visit anymore...but I will of course
16 replies
WWYD2016 · 16/05/2016 13:04
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