We now live with my 83yo Gran - general moan, advice welcome

[purpleperilandpeanut]

Not sure where to start... We lost our home two months ago due to financial pressures. We now live with my 83 year old gran. Our DS is 4, life is incredibly stressful at times. Thanks to her, we have a home, our own rooms, less financial pressure, enourmous amounts of love. But along with this we have lost our independance, our privacy, we are judged on how we discipline our son when he misbehaves, we are subjected to guilt tips if we should (heaven forbid) have to drive late at night (work makes this a nescessity), mealtimes are a drama every evening - unless we can stand the bland and limited range of foods both she and DS are prepared to eat without tears and tantrums. Overall, she is as well as can be expected healthwise - however she is a dreadful hypochondriac, she has a heart condition which will continue to limit her ability and this tends to dominate her outlook. She lost her husband and son within 2 years of each other and this has made her a shadow of her former self. Our presence here has helped enourmously in some ways but she sometimes seems to have given up. My husband and I are under so much emotional pressure, we can't go through the normal process of 'big row, sulk, kiss and make up' without the added emotional strain of Someone Else in the mix. DH does not handle stress well, he gets very angry and is prone to a good shout. He has always found the typical pressures of parenting very difficult, I suspect he has ADHD although this was never spotted in his youth. I think he feels responsible for us ending up here. Social housing is not a likely outcome in our area, private rents are also not an affordable option. We are both in work but earn very little and have been financially dependant upon her for unexpected expenses. We had hoped that we could save for a deposit whilst here but a reduction in my wages has made this impossible. My mum is great, but she works full time and has my OCD influenced brother to consider - a thread all to himself for the future. My dad is loving but preoccupied, DH's parents are functioning alcoholics. Any advice welcomed, thanks in advance xx

[Needmoresleep]

No advice, just lots of sympathy. It sounds as if you have been through a lot recently.

Any chance of taking a step back and trying to create some boundaries. A once a week "date night" even if it is somewhere really cheap, and when your mum might take your son. Meals where something a bit more grown up can be added to your plates. That said acknowledging there is a problem is a good first step. I hope you and your DH can find a way through together.