I posted this in Mental Health a while ago but didn't get a response, but now realise it might have been better in here
Looking for some advice
My MIL has always been an "odd" woman.
She is very fussy, over-anxious about things that really don't matter, etc.
She is also a hoarder and can be very secretive, esp regarding "family" matters.
I've been married to her DS for 25 years and she still won't tell me "family" stuff. She doesn't like me as she thinks dh married beneath him.
We now live overseas and see her about once a year/every 6 months.
We flew her out to see us last year (for Chrsitmas 2011) and she stayed for about 2 months - until mid feb. She spent a lot of the time fussing and reorganising her handbag/suitcase (she wouldn't unpack properly even though I cleared her a lot of space as she didn't want to "be a bother") She also seemd very disorientated, but at the time we put it down to her being away from home (she lives in the same house that dh was born in!)
Dh then saw her in the Summer of 2012, when he and dd came back for Uni visits and they stayed with her for a few days. Dh said she was a nightmare following him around the house and checking he wasn't moving anything or taking anything.
Dh then came to the UK on business in May this year, and she has got much much worse. He stayed with her over the Bank Holiday weekend, but had to do some conference calls on his laptop. She accused him of talking to her vicar about her! (DH doesn't even know who the vicar is- let alone what his skype id would be!) There was also more of the following him around the house, and one day she completely flipped out at him because he had taken her keys (he did have them, he had gone to open the back door)
I have just got back from staying with her with dds for a few days (without dh) and it was really bad. We spent the morning locked in the house becuase she couldn't find the keys. It was also really lovely and warm summers evenings but all the windows and doors were closed/locked and curtains drawn by 5pm - as if it was midwinter. It is like a real paranoia has set in.
Also she doesn't seem to be managing the house, there was days-old washing up, and the house had obviously not been cleaned for a good while (difficult with the amount of stuff she has in the house). Me and dd cleaned the kitchen and she got really cross.
She does not have many friends-lots of aquaintances, but not people she is really close to. She used to be involved in the church, which was her main social circle, but she doesn't like the new vicar so has stopped going.
FIL died in 2002, even though there were issues like this before he died, it has got much worse in the last 10 years since he has passed away.
SIL (her dd) lives two streets away and can't see the problem. She says "Oh it's just DM, you know how she is!
DH wants to phone her GP to raise concerns, but I am pretty sure he/she won't talk to us. (As I said we live overseas and I am not up to date with how the NHS works). He also mentioned to her about moving somewhere smaller- it is a big four bedroomed detached house with a massive garden she can't manage, and this suggestion was met with an accusation of "you're trying to get my money".
I realise SIL is the key, but she really can't see the problem- I think we see a decline more clearly as we are a bit removed.
She is only 77 and in good physical health otherwise.
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Elderly parents
Concerns about MIL
5 replies
FatOwl · 19/08/2013 09:50
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