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School kicks ds1 in teeth!

(14 Posts)
Anonyalphamom Thu 07-Jul-05 21:41:40

Sorry have changed name for this as really embarrased to post esp today but am so stressed am not going to sleep if dont get it off my chest.
kids go to prep school that goes up to yr 8, ds1 is in yr7 and has spent his entire life at school grooming himself to be head boy or house captain. He is totally self driven (would never forsee this sitn with other 2!). He is polite/responsible/top of yr academically-by a long way/enthusiastic but terrible at sport. Every other thing he could possibly do he has done-choir/orchestra/brass group/chapel reader/lead role in school play/debating team etc etc, he has won a form prize every yr since yr 3 (first possible yr) and whenever staff have wanted some one responsible to do something-they have asked him (see why I changed my name-feel bad even saying this but true). Normally they have a head boy and 2 heads for each house-one sporty and one academic/musical, this yr as its a small yr, they have only had one head per house and have chosen a sporty boy thats not even well behaved (head boy is son of member of staff-hmmmmm) for his house. He kept it together at school-got in the car and burst into tears and has been so sad/tearful since. Its so hard because he is so adult in his thinking that I can completely understand what he says and how he feels but hes only a little boy really and he's breaking my heart. Am so cross with school that I want to deck the headmaster tomorrow-and its the last day so little time to do anything-not that I could anyway. Just feel school is saying-sod behaviour and hard work all we care about is sport and how popular you are. Please dont flame me and sorry again about posting today-very minor problem compared to others I know but I am so sad for him

Janh Thu 07-Jul-05 21:46:02

Well this sucks, frankly - poor little boy, I feel for him very much - "son of member of staff" speaks volumes.

He deserves so much better - I don't know what you can say or do though. To suddenly have only 1 head instead of 3 is ludicrous. Huge sympathy for you and him.

Janh Thu 07-Jul-05 21:47:50

Oh, sorry, have just re-read and it's one headboy and one head of house, isn't it? Still sucks though. I hate this "sporty" emphasis.

starlover Thu 07-Jul-05 21:48:26

oh that's sad our school was like that as well... head girl/boy was ALWAYS one of the most popular rather than someone who really deserve it

Flum Thu 07-Jul-05 21:51:38

That sucks. It will make him stronger though. The kids who get kicked down rise up higher. The ones who surf on the breaks end up flailing about in the shallow waters.

Its tough but he will bounce back v. quickly, much quicker than an adult.

Alternatively tell him to have less ambition, that way he is less likely to be dissappointed in the future

Anonyalphamom Thu 07-Jul-05 21:59:48

Thanks guys.
He wrote the most lovely speech last week for why he should be head of house-I quote
"What we need now is a House Captain that will nurture these talents, not bottle them up like other people might. We need a just leader, someone who is free from favouritism, someone who is fair, someone who knows what’s best for the house.
Am I all this? I don’t know. Is it possible for anyone to be all this? I don’t know. What I do know is that, if chosen as House Captain, I will strive towards these virtues.
You may look at me and see a person whose head is always in a book, but I’m a real person who cares about this school, and believes in making G..... a success. I am a logical person, and I have the ability to think clearly. I promise to extend my duty beyond picking teams, and will try to solve problems in your lives. I will avoid excluding people from teams, and I will attempt to make sure that no one is bullied or picked on." he's only 11 bless him.
Re having lower ambitions-he wants to be a barrister who leads cryptozoological expeditions in their spare time and wins the nobel prize for literature! Think you may be right-good lesson to learn now!

Twiglett Thu 07-Jul-05 22:00:05

that totally sucks... I would speak to them

batters Thu 07-Jul-05 22:31:35

Anonyalphamom that is so unfair. Your son's speech is amazing as well. Looks like your son is going to learn at an early age that life can be really unfair sometimes.

But he sounds like a fantastic person, I bet he will bounce back. And sod the school - they've made their choice and they are going to have to live with it.

saadia Thu 07-Jul-05 22:38:36

Please don't worry about this, I know it's very disappointing but it really sounds as if, after the shock, your ds's inner strength and "wisdom" (for want of a better word) in someone so young, will help him turn this hurdle into something that makes him stronger.

homemama Fri 08-Jul-05 08:55:23

Please don't take this the wrong way, but perhaps they (class mates I assume) didn't vote for him because he is so "good", so well behaved and so far above them academically. Perhaps they just felt they could relate to this other boy more.
I know this is hard for both you and him but it's true to say that it's all part of growing up. He will learn from it and he mustn't see it as a personal insult. It will help him deal with disappointing situations in the future such as not getting a job he really wanted etc.
I'm sure he will bounce back and do very well in life.

SoupDragon Fri 08-Jul-05 09:40:04

"I hate this "sporty" emphasis." But isn't it just as unfair if these things were picked solely on academic achievement?

If your child excelled at sport but was not academic at all and was overlooked for the position, you would be posting that you think they think "sod sorting achievement, all we care about is how bright you are".

It's tough, it's sad for your DS and he is bound to be disappointed but he will go on and achieve nonetheless.

Mamatoto Fri 08-Jul-05 09:44:03

My boy sounds very similar and was pretty certain he would get form prize at his school this year. Instead it went to a boy who ( in my sons ((12)) words ' Contributes nothing' but talks to the teacher every break about cricket. Just have to TRY to laugh it off.Life at some schools will be like that and it is something a non- sporty one has to take on the chin unfortunately. poor lamb. Buy him something - spoil him but do try to see the funny positive side!

Janh Fri 08-Jul-05 10:02:08

soupy, IME sporty kids are fawned upon by staff and other kids (and the rest of the world) in a way that non-sporty ones never are - compare and contrast D Beckham and S Hawking.

firestorm Fri 08-Jul-05 11:38:15

what a great speech! i feel sad for your poor boy but can also see homemamas point of view.
unfortunately he`s learned a very hard lesson "lifes not fair"

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