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Bullying ^again^ - tell me what you think ^again^

(73 Posts)
ks Mon 14-Mar-05 12:30:33

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mummytosteven Mon 14-Mar-05 12:33:22

I think schools can and should help with bullying, and should have a formal anti-bullying policy, and that any school who says they have no bullying problem is trying to sweep things under the carpet. obviously the school's influence on incidents outside school is a tough area - but within school premises, there should be better supervision.

Potty1 Mon 14-Mar-05 12:46:06

ks - sorry, I haven't read your previous posts and I'm in no way condoning violence <<before I get my head torn off>> but this is what happened with my son.

My eldest was 'picked on' in primary and in the first year at secondary. He is the youngest in his year, was quite small and quiet - I suppose an easy target. The bullying was very sneaky, taking stuff from his bag, spitting on his coat, you know the sort of thing. One day, after a particularly bad session, when one of the boys grabbed his hand and put it up the skirt of a girl that was passing, he just lost it. He punched this boy on the nose and they ended up rolling around on the floor with half the school chanting. He came home from school really upset, blood on his shirt (not his), but from then on, no problems. One of the other mums who works in the local supermarket mentioned it to me the following day - she said that the other kids had been really shocked at his reaction and the general consensus was that 'he wasn't to be messed with'. Sometimes its the only thing they understand

What are the school doing for you son, and the other boys? IMO they should be able to take some action, particularly if its at primary as the bullying tends to be confined to school. Generally primary children are collected so it doesn't happen outside the school gates.

lou33 Mon 14-Mar-05 12:49:48

what about moving him ks? The one near me that my sis sends hers too is v good

ks Mon 14-Mar-05 12:53:20

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ks Mon 14-Mar-05 12:55:22

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Potty1 Mon 14-Mar-05 13:11:36

The head sounds much like my dd's current one - he won't even write to the parents about the appalling parking situation outside school for fear of a backlash

Its a dreadful situation ks and you shouldn't have to move schools to get it solved. Does the head even acknowledge the issues? and have these boys been subject to any sort of sanctions - no PE, no breaktime outside, that sort of thing.

ks Mon 14-Mar-05 13:47:44

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ks Mon 14-Mar-05 16:14:30

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Enid Mon 14-Mar-05 16:20:24

nothing helpful to say, but fWIW I think absolutely it is the school's job to sort this out ks. Good luck with it x E

ks Mon 14-Mar-05 16:39:09

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psychomum5 Mon 14-Mar-05 16:56:47

My eldest DD was being bullied quite badly last year. We went to the school several times to get it sorted, to absolutely no avail. The school seemed disinterested, and the mum of the girl bullying seemed to think it was ok to let her daughter continue. I had to resort to putting in a formal complaint to the LEA, after a particularly bad session that culminated in my daughters glasses getting yanked off her face and thrown and stamped on!!

It worked in one way...the school started to listen to me, and realise they had to try to stop it. I did think about pulling all my children from the school at one point, but thought that to harsh to pull them all away from their friends over one child...and I wasn't going to let them win either!!!

What did stop it tho, was my daughter. She got so fed up, and altho the school was trying to help by then, the other girls parents just did not care, and so it was still happening.
One day, soon after the first glasses incident, the bully tried it again. DD walked away, letting her think she had won, and waited for this girl to go on the climbing equipment.
DD then walked over to the girl and yanked her trousers down!!!!! No violence, but complete humiliation. The school rang me to tell me what had happened, and I am afraid I laughed.
They said they were not taking it further, as they realised my daughter felt she had no choice, but it worked. The girl left her alone...and they have even now made friends. My daughter gained many more friends, and a new found respect...and even became more confident.

I don't condone retaliation as a norm, but sometimes there seems to be no choice, and the way my daughter handled it actually worked better than maybe a punch would have.

One thing should be down to the school to handle as part of their anti-bullying policy...If they don't, than a complaint to higher up goes a long way to remind them!

ks Mon 14-Mar-05 17:02:51

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lou33 Mon 14-Mar-05 17:51:57

it used to be rc ks, but hasn't been for a long time, it's just an old sign

jangly Mon 14-Mar-05 18:00:51

Write a letter (formal sounding) to the head of the governors? Sounds like the head is totally wet.

ks Mon 14-Mar-05 18:10:25

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tamum Mon 14-Mar-05 19:13:37

ks, it's not remotely possible that other kids have called this boy racist names, and that your ds has picked up on them because of simply not knowing that they are racist, is it? That would kind of be to his credit, and I guess it is possible that this other boy is telling the truth that he has been the subject of racist abuse rom other kids. Whatever, though, the school are clearly not dealing with it even-handedly, and I think you are just going to have to move him. The comments from the other mothers in the playground are pretty telling, aren't they?

Any news on the house front?

ks Mon 14-Mar-05 20:35:49

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tamum Mon 14-Mar-05 21:00:54

Oh bum, I'm sorry. I'm sure you will be able to get everything sorted and it will all come together suddenly- fab house, perfect school for ds, new job for you (if you move, that is). I do hope so

tatt Tue 15-Mar-05 06:50:16

there was a television programme yesterday about bullying in primary schools. They had children as playground monitors. Forget what they called them but they wore baseball caps and they had mini monitors for the youngest group - so about 7 years olds helping the reception children and the year 6 helping others. Also the children had been doing drawings of how people felt when bullied. So clearly some schools have strategies. I know my children's school does something similar with the discussions/paintings.

When we moved my son had problems settling in until he fought back. Sometimes it is the only thing that works, especially if your child is basically quiet. We've taught him not to hit first but that he can hit back if attacked.

It is possible your son has been making racist comments because that is the only way he feels he can fight back. However children do lie and some schools will use any excuse to get out of dealing with bullies. A friend of mine had a similar problem when she was told her son was provoking other children. She moved him away and was then followed by another half dozen children!

WideWebWitch Tue 15-Mar-05 07:58:12

What tatt is talking about is peer mediation I think, they have it in ds's school. They also have a special bench children sit on if they're upset for any reason and a dinner lady will come and help them. Ks, I'm wondering about other strategies here. I do agree the school should be doing something but they're not so maybe writing to the governors will help - they're supposed to be 'critical friends' after all, aren't they? Or, what about inviting this boy to tea and talking to him? I don't mean in a nasty way (a la Caroline Quentin in Life Begins threatening to 'forget' to take her HRT if thug boy didn't stay away from her daughter, did you see it?) but in a getting him on side, sorting it out in a friendly, being the better person way? I don't know, I think I'd be tempted to give it a go, you could explain to ds that it's a strategy. I just asked ds what he thinks you should do and he said he was bullied in year 1 (, I had no idea but he says the boy has left now) but he reckons your ds should tell a dinner lady and point out the signs (if your school have any, ours does) that say 'No Bullying'

jangly Tue 15-Mar-05 15:02:46

Those signs are a good idea WWW.
Yes, I think if you did write to a governor, perhaps a friendly letter would be better than the formal one I suggested yesterday! (I get a bit steamed up about bullying)

ks Tue 15-Mar-05 15:29:31

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lou33 Tue 15-Mar-05 15:32:18

would you like to meet for a coffee ks?

ks Tue 15-Mar-05 15:33:53

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