DS1 doesn't concentrate in class - anyone got any tips? (sorry, long)

[clary]

well I'm always dishing out advice on here, like I know what I'm talking about half the time ...
Anyway, now it's time for me to ask for some from you all.
My DS1 is in Yr 1 at infant school, he's 5.5 (summer birthday so young in his year). He seems from a recent parents eve to be doing ok, teacher mentioned a few points to work on but I'm sure that's normal.
He has a speech difficulty (in pronunciation) which thank goodness we are now having speech therapy for, and because of that teacher has put him on SN register and done him an individual education plan (IEP) which is all fine.
She called me in for a meetign about that, and also mentioend she wants him to complete two pieces of written work per week for her, as he tends to be quite slow and not finish his work in class.
She had mentioned this before (but not as if it was a real problem) so I asked what sort of thing she meant. She showed me a piece of work they had all had to do, copying a picture with four one-word labels. They had 20 mins to do this, after chatting about it etc. Some children finished it and coloured in the picture. Some even wrote a sentence all about it. My DS drew the picture (not his best area, admittedly) and wrote two letters of one label. He was the only one in the class not to finish the work.
I was v upset, it's not as though this is stuff he can't do, his writing is actually not bad and gettign better. And in fact he is pretty keen on this sort of thing - we were out shopping yesterday and he found a little notebook in my bag and proceeded to write a sentence in it and then drew pictures of Rudolph and Santa (who he had just seen) pretty quickly too!
So what's the problem? Apparently he tends to just gaze around him vaguely in class. Has anyoen else had this? And what can I do to encourage him to concentrate more/ work harder?
Any ideas?
Sorry this is so long....

[LIZS]

We have this with ds who is in the equivalent of Year 2. He has problems completing work in time, especially if writing is involved, for 2 main reasons - he finds the mechanics of writing hard work although he can form letters correctly and tends to press too hard and he has problems formulating the instructions and his ideas into a piece of work. He is undergoing OT for motor skills and planning issues, although I'm not saying your ds needs the same.

Could the teacher "scale down" his workload so that he gets the satisfaction of completing things. Does she have an assistant who could be prepared to keep a more watchful eye and bring his attention back to the task in hand. I find that ds is much better when completing homework because I am able to sit with him and we can discuss it as he goes along, but that just doesn't happen in a classroom situation.

[binkie]

Well, on "anyone else had this", absolutely, yes, and I suspect rather worse too as we don't just have dreaminess. And the speech therapy for funny pronounciation too (see mizmiz's fabulous thread).

But as to what to do: tried masses of things - like rewards per work done, penalties for not doing (ie, losing out on free play time), encouragement to watch & copy certain "modelling" children, sitting near teacher, sitting away from teacher in quietest non-distracting place - and am currently stumped.

Is your ds sometimes right on the money, focussed and participating, and other times just somewhere else? Have you tried fish oils, diet, that sort of thing? Does he sleep OK?

[spacemonkey]

My ds is 11 now and his teachers have commented on his daydreaminess at every parents evening since year 1. It's just his personality I think! He was really behind with literacy until he reached year 4/5 when he suddenly caught up and actually exceeded his expected level of achievement. Even now he takes longer than all the other kids to finish work in class (he has had to learn not to be such a perfectionist about his handwriting because that was slowing him up). One thing that helped a lot is that his teachers make sure he sits with kids who don't distract him. I've never really worried too much about it because quite frankly the education system as it stands does not allow for the fact that people all have different ways of learning, different attention spans, different rates of learning and so on. But having said that, ds has never reached the point of lagging behind so seriously that it has become a big problem.

[Stilltrue]

You are not alone and you will find that this is such a common "problem" esp. in boys ! My ds1 ( year 7, aged 11 - summer born) was/is just the same. It is only just recently things have changed a bit. He still has a tendency to day dream and switch off in class, though less so now. Some teachers have been OK about this , some not, and I have never really worried too much. As one experienced teacher said, "he's probably got more interesting things on his mind than learning his times tables ". We found he could focus on things he enjoyed, but not on things he didn't ! When he really needs to concentrate, you could try reminding your ds that the quicker he finishes xyz, the sooner he can paint/watch tv/whatever rocks his boat. Be warned, it's easier said than done once he's old enough to be bringing home proper homework... But as I said there is light at the end of the tunnel. my own ds has now passed exams into a couple of highly regarded selective schools; he has obviously now got the knack of working to a deadline.

[Tortington]

"jacobland" is how we describe it - its become a lable that even he accepts. for a long time my boys (as opposed to my girl who was fine) thought school was wonderful becuase you got to play. work idnt factor.

if it helps to elongate my ds concentration we did sit down things like jigsaw puzzles and as he is old enough he does the word searches in quix magazines - you know the one where you can win a car - and i send it off dutifully and he doesnt mind a bit sitting for half an hour to win a car. although i ealise that wont help your young child at the mo - maybe something to keep in mind for the future. just making the child sit for an amount of time doing something on their own like colouring or collages or making a plastacine modle or something.

i also tried getting him to write a poem or draw a picture - framing it and discussing witht he teacher to put it up in class - which they did. we did various star charts in associaation with school.


my son just isnt that way inclined - i have two other children a girl who is academically able and a boy who tries but is just not as able to do written work and is currently doing a day release at college doing an NVQ in carpentry. which he adores

then i have Jacob. he doesnt try as he is so used to failure, he is in senior school now and everything is very serious indeed its like he has just been thrown to the sharks. i attach no importance to it now. i just want him to be good mannered, respectful and to try his best - if his best is crap by other peoples standards then tough.

jacob measures himself by his twin sister - along with the constand teacher " your not trying, your dreaming, you could do better" he has very low self esteem when it comes to school.

i once went to a parents evening where a teacher took a special interest in my son. she helped him bribed him and praised him every moment of everyday. at parents evening i braced myself for the usual " you have good mannered children they ae a pleasure" which is always followed by a "but" and this teacher said the words i have only ever heard once " jacob has made more progress than anyone else in the class and i am very proud of him" i cried like a baby right there in the classroom.

the lesson learned is that in dreamland or jacob land or another planet or wherever these children go is that constant praise is the key.

dont let your child think he is a failure at the age of 11 like my son does. the education system has failed him despite my best efforts - but it is his self esteem and confidence which i worry about and a decision about what is the most important at the end of the day. sohe will leave school with no qualifications - its not the end of the world. but him being unhappy is

sorrya bout the life story there!

[spacemonkey]

I really feel for you and your son custy. So many children end up with really low self esteem as a direct result of school. It's all wrong

[hmb]

Custy, I am so sorry that your son is having such a hard time.

If it helps in the tinyest sort of way I think that the most impostant thank our kids can be is nice kids. Don't get me wrong I love to teach. I love my subject and I love to learn and I bust a gut trying to get the kids I teach to love it too. But in the end some will not. I hated French, always was crap. None of us can love eveything.

I went into teaching with the desire to get all the kids I taught to excel, and I still try. But after a while one glaring fact came home to me. The single most important thing out kids can be is nice. Nice kids will end up just fine. They will get a job, fall in love, have relationships, be happy, sometimes be sad, hopefully have kids and grand kids, grow old and die. Just like we all do. And in the end most of us are only remembered by the people who love us.

So, while it might be great to have kids who excel, the only thing that matters is that they are nice. I'd take nice over sucessful every day of the week and twice on Sunday. And if your son is like you he will be more than nice, and be more than fine. It is all that I want for mine. The rest is just jam.

[Tortington]

hmb that was lovely and said exactly what i meant but much better

[Lara2]

hmb
you have said what I have just spent all evening saying at parents evening - your child is happy and nice and has friends and is doing just fine. You're SO right - we are remembered for the kind of person we are - not for academic greatness.

[tigermoth]

custardo and hmb, what wise thoughts.

The very first thing my 10 year old ds's teacher said to me on parents evening was " *** is such a lovely lad" It nearly had me in tears too. Whatever happens to ds this year regarding secondary school choice (and I am dreading it so so much) that comment will stick in my mind.

[clary]

thanks everyone for your lovely posts.
Custardo, your in particular moved me, thanks for sharing all that about your ds.
The weird thing is with my ds is that he is good at concentrating really, he loves jigsaws and games like pic lotto or similar, and will play those with me or independently for a good time...
Even have got him to complete a short writing task (just a 6-7 word sentence) while I am out of the room and he does it in a few minutes. Told his teacher this and she was amazed.
So i am a bit baffled as to why he is so bad (for want of a better word) at this at school. Maybe he is just not interested??
Having said all this, DH said he was better yesterday (this is according to DS mind you).
Will have a chat with teacher this pm when I pick up.
But thanks for all the support and some helpful ideas. LIZS, yes, scale it down perhaps; binkie, yes he sleeps very well, 7pm to 6.30am and never wakes; eats pretty well too I wd say...maybe he should eat more breakfast?? (thinking about sheddies advert...)

[kizzie]

Clary - thanks for starting this thread. Im in exactly the same position with my son. (He is the same age as your DS.)
At home he will do jigsaws etc for ages but his work at school (apart from reading) just doesnt reflect what he can actually do because he just doesnt concentrate and so either doesnt finish things or just rushes them so much that they just end up as a big mess.
The advice on here is really useful.
Kizziex

[kizzie]

Custardo - have just read your post. It really brough a lump to my throat. Your son sounds like an older version of my DS and it really brought home the importance of us making him feel good for who he is - not bad for the school would LIKE him to be.
Thanks for the gentle reality check.
Kizziex

[PolarCub]

Just a little thought - Is the class room to hot??

I have been having similar problems with my son and basically to cut a long story short, we're now at the point that my son hates school. Not just the work, but the people, the classroom and even the building!
I have now come to the conclusion that he is bored stupid in class, that the work isn't stretching him and everything is just too easy.

I have to say that my son is a perfectionist when it comes to his work and it takes him longer to complete the work than others.
He is also in a hot classroom and tends to dream because of being overheated.

I hope this post doesn't come over to negative.

Anyway, all the best xx