If ds's report mentions 4 times that he chats too much....

[TheRealMrsWeasley]

should I be concerned?

And what can/should I do about it?

He is a July baby so no doubt not as "sensible" as some of the older children. He is doing well academically and the teacher hasn't raised the chatting as a problem during the year.

My gut feeling is that it is down to the teacher to control his behaviour in class - though I want to support her if I can.

I suppose I am disappointed because it makes the overall report feel quite negative in tone - I think she is not very tolerant of normal childhood silliness....

I need to send in a reply slip and am tempted to ask on it what strategies she plans to use to curb his chatting.


Sorry for waffling on....

[dustystar]

I shouldn't take it too much to heart. If it was a problem the teacher would have approached you before now. They just need to give as accurate a picture of your child's progress as possible as well as point out areas where they need to improve.

[dustystar]

Read the report again and ignore the bits about chatting. I bet there was plenty of postive stuff too.

[HedTwigg]

let me guess he's about 6 right?

IME (having one myself) some 6 year old boys are inveterate chatters

as long as he is not doing it maliciously, and yes 6 year olds can do it knowingly, and its just over-exuberance then just talk to him about trying to stay quiet in class

teach him some tricks .. I taught DS to put his finger on his lips when at carpet time and also for a couple of days wrote 'Listen' and 'Don't Talk' on the back of his hands .. because he wanted me too

he still talks at the wrong times but not quiet as much

am surprised you've only just realised he talks too much why hasn't teacher mentioned before

[muppetgirl]

how old is ds?

[motherinferior]

Not just boys, either. I absolutely bet DD1, who is also six, never shuts up.


Obviously I have no idea where she gets it from

[TheRealMrsWeasley]

Spot on Twigg - just turned 6.

Thanks for the tips on helping him to chat less.

I can't say I've noticed him being overly chatty out of school - asks lots of questions but that's just normal for his age (does drive me to distraction though!)

I think the teacher does have a tendency to focus on the negative (have heard lots of parents moaning about her) and as I said before, is intolerant of stuff that is normal for that age group (has no kids of her own and we will all be hoping she has triplet boys when she gets around to it, lol!)

[REBELlatrixlestrange]

DS1 used to get commented on because he was "too quiet", ie never put his hand up in class. (He chats now he's in secondary, lol).


DS3 still makes too much noise in class, and he's almost 9.

[meandmyflyingmachine]

It's easy to get hung up on one thing.I walked out of ds's parent's evening remembering one comment an one comment alone. DH couldn't work out why I was upset. It was likehe had been ina different interview

She has to say he chats a lot if that's what he does. I wouldn't get defensive about it at all. I'm sur she does have strategies in place - it's not exactly an uncommon problem in the classroon - she's just telling you how it is.

[hana]

it's hard to be tolerant of 'normal childhood silliness' when you've got 30 kids in your class though!

[TheRealMrsWeasley]

Hana, don't get me started on how many assistants that teacher has....

I know she has to write something, but I feel like she is expecting me to do something about it - I guess you'd have to know the teacher to know why I feel like that!

Ok I'll go away and focus on the positive things she said!

[summer111]

My ds was similar at the same age and I have to say, the teacher focused on that little point rather than emphasising all the positive. However, as he was never the 'instigator' and was described as the 'follower' I asked her to move him away from those that initiated the chat at carpet time...it seemed a logical solution to split up those who chatted!!She did this and it seemed to solve the problem. In fact, when he moved up to the next year, he cmae home one day and asked me to ask his new teacher if she could sit him away from another child as they were distracting him by chatting!!
Anyhow, he's matured so much and now two years later, is acutely aware of discipline in class. His school report was so lovely from his teacher this year, she described him as a friend to everyone in the class and a role model to all the other children!!! Having before dreaded what the teacher might say, he's turned it around himself and I'm terribly proud of him.

[duchesse]

You should definitely set store by the number of mentions if your child is in secondary school and a significant number of teachers are having the same issues with your child.

In primary school with class teachers it is different. Your son's teacher may be finding this particular behaviour aspect hard to handle, but as it is the end of the academic year, she may never have to teach him again, so it doesn't matter unless next year's teacher reports the same issues (you could ask him or her quite early on in the year if chatting is a problem, and deal with it then if so) and if it getting in the way of him finishing work or doing it well (this may be the case- best inquire). Primary school teachers seem too easily to think they rule the world, or know exactly how a child is going to turn out, which is tosh frankly. Children change a lot from one year to the next.

[jennifersofia]

I think duchesse's suggestion of checking with his teacher next year, early on in the year, is a good one. If she mentioned it 4 times, then it must be an issue. If he is to chatty in the classroom, it will affect his learning and the learning of others, so it is important that you and the teacher tackle it together. His new teacher might have a different take on it, or some good strategies she could pass on to you so you could reinforce at home.

[constancereader]

I agree with Duchesse - a sensible strategy. But I must point out that I have never thought that I was capable of running the world, or that I knew exactly how a child would turn out in the future. I have, however, often had to give an accurate picture of a child's behavior in class to a parent. That seems to be all the class teacher was doing in this case, although I would probably only have mentioned it once.

[nooka]

My ds regularly gets time outs for chatting. We asked the teachers to let us know what he is getting in trouble for (after he had an isolation and we had no idea he was in trouble). the notes are quite funny - you can really tell that he drives her round the bend! However we also know she is a good teacher, and that he does find it hard to settle, so we are not too worried about her. Hopefully he will grow out of it!

[cornsilk]

It is better that your child is chatty than too shy. The teacher sounds like she's repeating herself. Perhaps she hasn't put a great deal of effort into her reports.

[TheRealMrsWeasley]

He's having the same teacher again next year.....

[ChipButty]

Please do not tar all teachers with the same brush, Duchesse. As a teacher, I come on to the Education thread to see if I can offer advice or support - I certainly do not believe that I rule the world! (Note to self: Stay away from the education threads in future)

[Leati]

Are you allowed to request a different teacher? You can be diplomatic about it and say something like, "you don't think their personalities mesh."

[duchesse]

I am a teacher, guys. I just object to the number of ridiculous off the cuff and ultimately pointless comments I've heard from primary teachers about my children and those of others.

Samples:
(paraphrased) There must be something wrong with your child as he only wants to sit indoors at break time and read rather go outside and play football with the other boys (he was just 4!!!)
There is something wrong with your child as she refuses to answer the register three times in the same 1/2 hour (different 4 yr old)
If your (6 yr old) son does not pull his socks up, he will not even get a level 1 at KS1 (verbatim quote)
(said about a v bright 10 yr old of my acquaintance): Well, maybe she can work in a supermarket- we need people to work in supermarkets.
(said of the admittedly difficult 9 yr old of my friends) I am sorry, but your child is unteachable and I can't stand him in my class a moment longer. Would you mind keeping him at home until Easter?

There are more, many more. All I can say is that if we secondary teachers went around saying things like this, we would a) be disciplined, and b) ruin our pupils' self-esteem. There is no reason to suggest that primary aged child do pick up on detrimental comments like these.

[duchesse]

do not

While I'm at it, can I just put in a special mention for the reception teacher of my third child, who told her off for putting too much rain on her picture, and thought she was a royal pain in the arse because she liked to ask questions?

BTW, all these quotes came from different teachers in different schools, different years and different areas.

In contrast to these, I'd like to put in a mention for the lovely Miss Vardy, under whose care child 3 went in three months from being a difficult and cantankerous child to a sunny, enthusiastic and avid learner. My point is that small children tend to reflect the opinion of their teachers. If teachers use only negative discipline (ie pointing out a child's failing rather than strenghts), they are not helping that child to progress.

[cornsilk]

Duchesse, I too have witnessed primary teachers say some awful things to chn - usually chn they find difficult. Thankfully, very rarely, but shocking nonetheless. My ds2 was treated very, very badly at in one of the top rating primary schools of the country (according to a poll I read in the times!) They then had the gall to challenge my parenting when I complained. It does happen.