What is your children social life like?

[user1475317873]

Posting this here for a bit more traffic. Also, posted in parenting

Just wondering how do your children spend their weekends and what their social life is like. My children have some activities and sometimes see friends and we do things as a family, go on holidays and get them involved in the house shores but in general I feel we got lots of spare time and I would like them to see friends more often, however I feel that people is always full of activities, commitments and it can be difficult to organise things. I am not sure it is because we live in London and there is always a lot going on and the fact that we don't have family around doesn't help as my husband and I are from different countries.

I grew up spending time on the weekends with my friends, roller-skating, bike riding and running and playing on the streets, going swimming, etc. but I feel this doesn't happen anymore; despite living in a street with lots of children we barely know them and my children friends are mainly from school. I question whether they are really having a nice childhood and whether perhaps we should move somewhere else or if it is like that everywhere now and we just need to get them in more activites.

[April2020mom]

Pretty good.
Yesterday I took my son and daughter to the shops. We had a great time looking at clothes and Christmas decorations etc as well. Then we had lunch in a restaurant. Later that evening we bundled up and went to our town’s fireworks show. I ran into some of my pupils at the event.

Today we went to church.

[Littlelambpeep]

Good. They go to church. Playtime at friends. Lego club. Football.

Swimming lessons and gymnastic (only in school holidays)

[NellyBarney]

Getting a play date organised can be an organisational nightmare. Some weekends are full on with birthday parties of class mates and sleepovers, on others it's just DCs and dps. But its hardly ever spontaneous. Our neighbours are mainly OAPs, only a couple of older teenagers live nearby. We are v busy on weekends, with lots of days out to theme parks or farm or country parks or museums or national trusting, and there are options like horse riding or swimming, or Saturday club at their schools, and we go to church. But I don't think any of this comes close to the joys of playing with friends without any adult involvement or imposed structures, so it's a real shame. We live in the home counties btw.

[missyB1]

We are lucky in that we live on a very safe estate which is a no through road (with speed bumps all the way). There are a bunch of kids ds age and they all play out together on their bikes and scooters. He also does taikwondo and swimming clubs. To be honest we are often too busy to fit in play dates but I try and arrange one every few weeks.

[BubblesBuddy]

I think you have your answer op: children are taken to fireworks and church and haven’t played with other children. Other children have loads of activities and no time to play with friends. It’s not much different in the country. Most playing is done after school with school friends. We live in a tiny settlement with no school. Children go to around 5/6 primary schools. They don’t mix much. It’s modern life everywhere. Secondary seems to be different but then, where we live, you’ll be a constant taxi service! At least they can walk to friends houses in London! Or get a bus.

[RedSkyLastNight]

I think it depends on the area you live in and the personality of your children. Round here it's common for DC to play "out" (in local park and woods, and also cycling around the estate) from about age 8 or 9. So weekends/evenings when we had nothing particularly planned, my DC would just go and see other local children, or go down to the park to see who was there. Interestingly, "local" friends are mostly entirely different to their school friends.

Now they are teenagers they are totally connected to their friends on social media so weekends/holidays are a mix of being at home/family activities/going out with friends.

OP - how old are your DC and do you live in an area where it is safe to play out? You may find the local children that you don't know are quite amenable to offers to play out together (how my DC got to know many of the local children).

[NellyBarney]

RedSky, that sounds lovely and wholesom. And the kids don't get picked up by concerned police or worried neigbours, or, on the other end of the spectrum, get fixed by gangs? Where do you live?

[RedSkyLastNight]

I live in a big town.

Flipping that on its head - where do you live that DC hanging out in the local park (in daylight after school or weekends) are picked up by the police or fixed by gangs ...?

Actually someone did try to buy drugs from my 14 year old DS last week (not locally he was in the main town shopping area) but when he looked blankly at them, they quickly vanished!

[SunnySomer]

Crikey Nelly - where do you live that they DO get picked up by the police for playing in the park???

[SunnySomer]

X-post! That comment really shocked me!

[Witchend]

How old are you talking about?

Preschool and younger: Not much at the weekend. More family time, sometimes going out together. Church Sunday morning

Primary School: Club Saturday morning for two of mine, Saturday afternoon not a lot. Sunday morning Church, Sunday afternoon often going out to park type thing.

Top end of primary/secondary: Clubs Saturday morning. Homework/sorting out school things Saturday afternoon/going out with friends (either local or I have to drive) sometimes out to theatre Saturday evening, Sunday church, Sunday afternoon out with local friends or staying in and doing not much.

[Autumndays14]

It's lovely for kids to have time at home and just relaxing with the family, making up games, helping out making food, doing little jobs. Kids don't need constant entertainment and outings. We actually find with ours that the more we try and do the more tired they get and behavior gets worse. Family hanging out time is great!

[GreenTulips]

Can you set up a community play date?

I'll PM you thenlocal scheme details if you like- they gather in the local park or school grounds for fun in rope swings bikes etc and they run round for two hours
It's free but they need donations - but you could leaflet your area and see if there's any interest

[Sequinsglitter]

We do quite a few days out and holidays as a family but usually during half terms and breaks. School nights are when they do clubs like football, swimming. Weekends are often left free, we might go out somewhere local, play areas, somewhere to run off some energy. But other weekends it's nice to be a bit lazy and stick a film on or get the lego out, gives them a chance to go play with some friends at the park if they want to. I encourage them to play outside near by once they're old enough to be sensible. That's mostly what i did as a child, i rarely had days out with my family or holidays, maybe a few days out and one holiday a year. Most of the time i was out playing with the the other kids on my street and i have some fond memories of that

[OhFlipMama]

Time with family visits, maybe a child's friend over or them there, a sports activity or two (team thing), some tv, games, maybe baking if I feel like having the 'help', walks and bike rides, sometime a children's party will arise, shopping, family movie...that kind of thing.

[bengalcat]

Sometimes a doing nothing is good - we all need downtime

[TheClitterati]

My 2 are 7 and 10 and this bothers me too. We moved earlier this year and I was hoping for more freedom and play for them but it doesn't happen.

There are lots of primary aged kids on our street and we never see them. Most go to different schools. In 8 months we've barely see them to say a passing hello.

Dd1 has friends she visits occasionally. Dd2 really only sees hers in school and the odd party.

It's pretty grim for them. I played out either with local kids or with school friends my entire childhood.

[DamsonGin]

Fairly non existent. DS1 spent most of (mainstream) primary school being social excluded for being different. All of his friends also have sen but they have complicated home lives or spend quite a bit of time with their extended families so they don't see each other outside of school a great deal, and it's still requires organising by parents.

Children can be cruel (mainly the NT ones in our experience) so I'm happy for him to not be subjected to that and we make up for it within our little family.

[NotAnotherJaffaCake]

We live in a village and can see the playground from our house, so at the weekend my kids keep up a running commentary of who is at the playground. It’s also beside the school so loads of kids heel out after school for a play. When they are a bit older, I imagine they will hang out there with their mates by themselves. It’s only the layout of the village (easy to get to playground) and the fact that DC go to the village school that means they have “casual” playing out with their mates. Children in the village who go to different schools don’t have anywhere near the same friendship dynamic.

We do one organised activity at the weekend, the rest of the time is spent playing at home, outside or doing chores or something a bit random. There’s occasionally a party to go to or we have friends over.

[NellyBarney]

I am gladened that people are shocked at my commend that children playing outside might get picked up by police or well meaning neighbours. Last week, my DD6 was escorted home by a concerned neighbour when she walked home from church on a Sunday afternoon on her own. We live close to the church and all she has to pass is a national trust kind of listed pile, there was a pavement all the way and the road had a 20 mile speed limit, and she had a phone just in case. Well, she only got about 60 yards on her own until she got escorted home, the door bell ring and the neighbour was expressing her concerns to me On the opposite end of our neighbourhood we have a housing estate where kids do play out, but there we have constant police presence as drug dealers target the kids and try to persuade them to deal drugs for them. It's an almost a daily occurrence that you can see chaps driving down from London and wave a kid over to their car from the Muga next to the community centre. Couple of hours later, said kid will have blood shot eyes, extreme behaviour, possibly sporting a pair of new trainers. So not sure how to navigate the scene. When I moved to this leafy part in the home counties I expected it to be haven for kids.

[user1475317873]

Thank you for all the replies.

My children are 11 and 8. I agree children need down time and don't need to be occupied all the time; however I feel that with the multiple occupations other people seem to have and technology we are becoming more antisocial.

It seems that most of their children social life these days is through school, extracurricular activities and family outings and I think it is a bit sad they can't play outside, go and knock on neighbours door, an in general hang out locally with friends and that everything needs to be planned and organised weeks/months in advance and an adult needs to be available to supervised as it is not safe anymore.

[user1475317873]

For the few people who say their kids still play with their friends locally; where do you live? is this spontaneous or arranged beforehand.?

We live in South East London.

[RedSkyLastNight]

We live in a big town. It was spontaneous when they were younger (say 8-11) but is now generally organised in advance.

We are lucky to have a park (so a natural meeting space) in our residential area, but my DC were also the type just to go up to other children they saw there and get chatting. They made a few friends that way, and then they got to know their friend's friends and whenever they see a child around they used to go up and ask if they wanted to join in (this was all in the 8-12 age range; nowadays they stick to people they know).

Those posters on here who say there are similar aged children to their DC living locally but they don't know them - have they ever made any effort to befriend them?

[nordicwannabe]

Have to say that walking home from church alone (or even being at church alone) at the age of 6 seems very strange to me. People normally allow children to walk home from school in their last year of primary, ie about age 10.

They can play out with friends slightly younger, but I'd say it's still rare not to have an adult or responsible older child close by under age 8, except in a very close community, park close to home etc.

If I'd seen a six year old walking along the street completely alone, I'd have walked her home and been very concerned too.

[whataboutbob]

My 15 year old arranges his own social life but I still get involved sometimes to invite a friend of his over and organise an activity such as a hike.
My 11 year old is completely dependent on me to arrange play dates, sleepovers and even meet ups in the park.
There is no spontaneous socialising with people on our street sadly. All my kids’ friends have been met via their schools. We live in south west London.
As a matter of interest which country are you originally from OP and are things more easy going there with respect to kids’ social lives?