Is the 11+ worth the stress?

[MrsMummy500]

both DSs (9 and 7) have attention issues and have struggled throughout school to reach their potential. I find homework incredibly stressful and tiring and it regularly lead to chaos, shouting, tears etc

DS1 has a lot of support at school but he is quite far below his peers (but it is a small independent school which is reasonably academic). Do I push through and cause stress and pressure in order to get him into a school which will be probably a further pressurised environment or do I sign out of the system and go for a non selective state (there aren't any good ones near me). Am I failing my DS by checking out? Or am I saving him?

[lizzytee]

I think it really depends on the context you're in and how selective the local schools actually are.

DD1 (now yr 7) has dyslexic type learning difficulties that meant we chose not to enter her for any selective schools. She is able but exam access arrangements are essential and realistically if she had got into any of the local selective schools it would be by a whisker. (These include grammar schools, prestige private day schools, more middle of the road private day schools).

Do think about what your definition of 'good school' is. Ours was redefined by thinking about what sort of school would actually meet DD1s needs.

[Logans]

DS1 has a lot of support at school but he is quite far below his peers (but it is a small independent school which is reasonably academic)

Do you know his CAT scores OP? That might make it easier for us to judge.

Also, what test scores are normally required as a pass mark where you are? (Look on the 11+ forum.)

If you don't, can you elaborate on how academic the school is? I'm assuming "reasonably academic" means it might be mildly selective but isn't a pushy parent Eton-feeder / one of those London Preps? Is he right at the bottom of the class or just below average?

You could always pay an 11+ tutor to assess him and give her verdict?

FWIW, my DC sounds perhaps a bit more able than yours and I wouldn't consider 11+ unless it was in a piss easy area with 2 kids for every place. If it's Kent / Bucks / Surrey then no way in hell.

[MrsMummy500]

Thank you for this.

I'm going to ask for is CAT score.

Spot on Logans - it's a NW London school - It doesn't select on entry - a mixture go to Habs, City, Westminster, South Hampstead etc and many go to smaller indepenent schools. He has a class of 16 and he's in the bottom 3/4. I'm also aware that a class of 16 at an independent school is not reflective of the national average.

[SpringBreak]

also if you're NW london, are you actually likely to get into (presumably Bucks) grammar based on distance anyway? if that criterion is even remotely iffy, then that's an even further discouragement to what's a tough process. Just done it with a DS who is top 3 of class at academic prep and it was still miserable. Seriously reconsidering whether or not to do it again in two years with DD1
(out of interest Logan, which are the "easier" areas for 11+?)

[JoJoSM2]

TBH, there's no need for homework to lead to chaos, shouting, tears etc. Perhaps some guidance re parenting would be useful?

In terms of further progression, has your son's teacher made any suggestions? By the sound of it a selective school, state or independent, is not a likely destination but it'd be good to hear current school's opinion.

[Logans]

Yes, let us know when you have the CAT scores as that's probably the best guide.

Ah! Interesting it's NW London. I may know about the school if you wanted to PM me, but totally understand if not generally though, bottom 1/4 of the class in that kind of school sounds maybe a bit low?

But then if it is actually one of the sought after so-called non selective Preps which actually weed out SEN and do secretly select the kids and prefer the rich pushy parents who will hire tutors then I'd say he would possibly be fine if he is bottom 1/4 of that cohort. What proportion roughly go to the schools you listed above and what proportion go to other less rigorous ones?

Can you tell us what the pass mark is for the area you're going for? Or just which area it is?