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So sad for my dd2 - brilliant but antisocial...

(62 Posts)
jura Sat 24-Mar-07 12:43:49

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Blossomhill Sat 24-Mar-07 12:45:58

How can they discriminate like this? They must say exactly what there concerns are. Do you have any concerns with other areas in your dd's development/behaviour?

My dd has difficulties interacting socially and has Aspergers.

Greenshoots Sat 24-Mar-07 12:51:00

I am in EXACTLY the same position as you jura, apart from the fact that my ds is 4.7 and starting school in September. He has recently had an IEP drawn up by his nursery school after concerns being raised about his communication/social interaction. They are planning to basically try and teach him from scratch how to interact with other children. One of the strategies they have come up with is to film other children interacting normally, and then sit down with ds1 and actually dissect the footage with him and try to teach him how to play and how to approach others. He's quite unhappy at the moment, he thinks nobody likes him and I know he is quite bemused. The possibility of getting an ed psych report has also been mentioned. I have read the IEP and from the wording used I suspect the term "autistic spectrum" is heading with unseemly haste towards the next review meeting. The more I read about Aspergers the more I think it's a no-brainer. I feel pretty sick about it. Am trying not to - he's still the same little boy - but it's traumatic and I'm worried about him.

I can't really offer advice, as we are further back on the road from you. I just wanted to say you're not alone really. And that even if she does need a bit of extra help, and even a label, she's still the same lovely clever girl she's always been.

I know there are MNers who have been through all this though, just keep bumping.xx

jura Sat 24-Mar-07 13:08:07

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frogs Sat 24-Mar-07 13:10:50

Jura, the person you need is bink, though her ds is a bit younger. I don't think she's normally on at the w/e (neither am I!) and have a feeling she doesn't accept CAT. If this doesn't catch her eye, feel free to CAT me and I'll email her.

My dd1 has been slightly similar at various stages, but had started to resolve itself by Y5. I'm happy to talk offboard if our experience is helpful.

jura Sat 24-Mar-07 13:11:47

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jura Sat 24-Mar-07 13:12:52

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Blossomhill Sat 24-Mar-07 13:14:56

jura ~ my dd is exactly the same. Brightest, yet youngest in the class. Such a perfectionist though.
My dd does actually have friends but also is better with adults.
My dd is in year 3.

Greenshoots Sat 24-Mar-07 13:25:41

Blossomhill, do you mind me asking when your dd was dxed with AS? And how/when it was picked up? DS1 has definitely been picked up as having social/communication "issues" by nursery, to the degree where they think he needs an IEP and to be taight how to interact. He's very bright and articulate.

Sorry for hijack jura.

Blossomhill Sat 24-Mar-07 13:30:29

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Greenshoots Sat 24-Mar-07 13:37:55

Thanks BH. Yes we do have ASD in our biological families on both sides, although the autistic brother I talk about a lot on here was actually adopted.

I suppose we will have to take it one step at a time and try not to jump the gun. It may be that even if they are thinking ASD is a possibility, nothing will be said formally until after he starts school. I've been saying since he was a few months old that he was a bit 'different' - no eye contact when feeding etc. Funny though, I was self-harming (scratching, biting to draw blood), nightmares, bedwetting, nervous cough, "tuning out" (ie being able to switch off hearing and de-focus eyes at will) and behaving strangely at about age 6 too, and I remember a full day of assessments with an ed psych too (can even remember her name), but nothing was ever said about the outcome of it. It makes me wonder. My mother adopted a severely autistic child with other learning difficulties a year or so later.

Will now stop hijacking, sorry jura.

roisin Sat 24-Mar-07 14:21:50

I realise this is a very hard thing for you to go through. But I do think it is extremely positive that the boarding school do assess these sorts of traits, and are able to identify which children would be able to cope well with it. Otherwise she might have had a miserable experience.

My ds1 is 9 (yr5) and does OK these days, but doesn't have fantastic social skills. I cannot imagine him coping in a boarding situation, and simply would not contemplate it. We did consult an EP when he was 7: it was a very helpful process for us to go through. The EP also gave us some specific suggestions and ideas of ways forward wrt improving social awareness and social interaction, and that has helped as well as just general increased maturity.

jura Sat 24-Mar-07 14:41:33

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Blossomhill Sat 24-Mar-07 17:37:53

Jura ~ had my dd's IEP and she is making excellent progress with her social skills in the specific social skill groups she attends.
Anything like that where you are?
My dd gets hers weekly at school

Bink Sat 24-Mar-07 21:11:49

jura - have picked up frogs's mention of me (which is kind of her), and if I can help in any way I will.

I have recently come across a private London-based ed psych I think is rather wonderful (and ds & I are rather connoisseurs of them now) - shall I CAT you?

I am so sorry for your dd2's disappointment - it must be crushing. And for you too.

TooTicky Sat 24-Mar-07 21:18:48

This is really interesting. My dd1 (10) is academically brilliant but really struggles socially.

Gess Sat 24-Mar-07 21:27:49

greenshoots- having read your bit about yourself as a child further down the thread- can I suggest that you read Donna Williams first 2 books- Nobody nowhere and Somebody Somewhere (published by Jessica Kingsley). They're very interesting (she had a nutty mother as well). She's also a really good person to consult with by email- very insightful, and no need for diagnosis- she sees way beyond a diagnosis into how children with say sensory difficulties/language disorders etc actually function.

jura- sorry to hear about your dd Hope things improve for her.

jura Sun 25-Mar-07 18:35:25

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Bink Sun 25-Mar-07 20:18:45

jura: CAT sent tonight. Hope it works

jura Mon 26-Mar-07 13:41:59

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Bink Mon 26-Mar-07 13:51:46

I'll email you direct from here (work).
CAT may get there in the end, so apologies for any doubling.

I think the consultancy I'm recommending have quite a broad concept of "learning style", to take in wider social concerns and not just academic progress. (As opposed to the one we first saw with ds, who basically tested his IQ, said he was off the scale and to give him "elbow room". Which was sort of cheering but did not get us anywhere down the line in the non-academic problems he most definitely has.) So not all ed psychs would be appropriate but I do think you should have a word with this lot.

Marina Mon 26-Mar-07 13:54:31

Jura, I've just seen this.
I can't contribute any experience-based advice, but you're in top hands here with bink and frogs and I hope the referral goes as well as possible for you and dd2.
So very sad for her that she's had these two reversals in recent weeks, poor love

frogs Mon 26-Mar-07 13:58:07

Bink, is the first consultancy you saw (the less 'creative' one) CC in W1? Cos we had quite a good experience with dd1 there, but recommended to a friend whose dd has quite complex issues and they were not v. happy, felt the CC woman was only geared up for 'normal' kids and not really prepared to engage with their rather complicated and avoidant dd.

Could you copy me in on the contact details for the better one, so I can pass it on?

(sorry for hijack, jura!)

frogs Mon 26-Mar-07 13:59:37

Jura, not sure if you did CAT me in the end. If so, it hasn't come through yet.

Blossomhill Mon 26-Mar-07 14:00:26

I'd be interested in any good ideas you may have Bink and Frogs Thanks

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