teacher doesn't like me

[BYOSnowman]

DS does an after school club (primary age) - it is something he is good at and he does well every week - they get stickers for doing well.

He has commented a few times that the teacher who runs it doesn't like him and joins in the eye rolling when he 'wins' again and doesn't say 'well done' when he gets his sticker

He doesn't win every week but has had a good run recently

This teacher will be his form teacher next year and I am keen to nip this in the bud. Obviously I don't know if any of what he has said is true but he is definitely edgy about the club and has talked about quitting, which would be a shame.

How should I approach this? We've had the chat about different personalities and just concentrating on good behaviour and being polite and not boasting etc!

Will I look nuts if I approach the teacher to ask if there is an issue with his behaviour at club? What do I say if the answer is no!

[MrsMolesworth]

It might help to explain to him that it's a teacher's job to make sure everyone gets a chance, and that it's not necessarily that the teacher doesn't like him personally, but more probable that the teacher doesn't like the fact the same person wins as it makes it more difficult for him to encourage others.
If it's sports, you could chat about how sports professionals learn not to let things get them down or put them off, and how he could use this teacher's apparent attitude to practise not being put off by it, but continuing to win.
So long as he is polite, well behaved and pleasant to everyone else in the club, your son is not doing anything wrong. It's not easy when they first have to confront people not liking them for no good reason, but it happens throughout life, so the sooner you can teach him not to be put off by this, the better.

[minimalistaspirati0ns]

I think there's more to it. I would look at the wider picture. Is your son particularly competitive? Far too competitive? Is your son a bad sportsman? Is he a big show off when he wins? Does he put others down?

[minimalistaspirati0ns]

It's probably nothing to do with him winning and more to do with his behaviour before/after the races

[BYOSnowman]

It's not sport.

No he's not particularly competitive. He likes to do well for himself iyswim. He comes last in most races at sports day but the first thing he does is congratulate the winner.

He can be a bit of a smart Alec and we are working on how that can put people's back up but he isn't too bad

I would normally ask one of his friends parents if they'd said anything but he is the only child from his class doing it.

[Picklesauage]

I would be tempted to have a casual chat with the teacher. (If you get the impression he is an amenable kind of person)

Obviously it would need to be a non confrontational style of inquiry. Acknowledge he can be 'a bit of a smart Alec'( your words) but also say he is sure that he isn't liked. And that you are worried about the attitude causing future problems.

If he is any kind of decent teacher he would rather know and would be mortified to make a child feel self conscious.

[BYOSnowman]

Maybe I will leave it until after half term and see how it goes. Maybe a few weeks of ds doing badly will help!!

[tanukiton]

BYO i kind of get what your saying, but if he is doing well at something he enjoys that is not a bad thing and surely should be encourage? We have a no crowing rule in this house for games.

[BYOSnowman]

Yes it is - particularly as he isn't sporty. This is his thing.

But he is the youngest there and is putting noses out of joint with the older kids. I'm not quite sure how (or if) he has managed to put the teachers nose out as well but I am confident it is not through bad sportsmanship. Being the only child from his class has made him nervous about going anyway so this perception regarding the teacher isn't helping!

I'm sure he won't continue coming top as there are areas he isn't so good at that will be more of a focus some weeks. Which is fine because it's a chance for him to learn.

I don't know, he is inwardly extremely confident so other people's opinions don't normally bother him.

I guess my question is - do you just get them to accept people won't always like them or do you step in?

Happy to accept I am projecting as well!

[MrsMolesworth]

Tricky one. DS's form teacher hated him in his first year at his otherwise excellent school. He really suffered in that year. She was a horrible woman and a useless teacher, who we discovered made a lot of other kids lose confidence too. Now she's left to torture some poor pupils in another school. I tried to confront her, but real bullies take delight in making other people uncomfortable and she obviously did.

We got round it by teaching him not everyone is nice or likes you and the most important thing is not to behave badly because of this but to rise above it and not care. Why should your son rate the opinion of a teacher who is crass enough to pull faces when he wins? He can mentally send that teacher to the bottom of the pile of people whose good opinion he seeks. Long term, it will make him stronger. Most of us take decades to realise it's a waste of time trying to get people to like you if they've decided not to. Sooner he learns that the better. If he focuses his energy on behaving well, developing his skill in this subject he's passionate about and saves his need to be liked for people who deserves his good opinion, he'll be fine.

[BYOSnowman]

I guess that is the best approach. He is quite capable of exaggeration so hopefully it's not as bad as he makes out!

Thanks for all advice