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Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Education

DS1 won't play football at school after 'nasty comments'

14 replies

3monkeys · 21/09/2006 21:01

Hi, I'm new to this although have lurked for a long time! DS1 is 7 and just started Yr2. Has always struggled to make friends and is part of a small but v loyal group of 4 boys, after taking a whole term to make any! A lovely lad started to play with them at Easter and DS1 said he was his best friend. Started this term really happy as in this boy's class and playing footbal at lunchtime with all the cool boys. However, last wk he said he couldn't play any more and it emerged that another boy in Yr2 had made 'nasty comments' and now he won't play at all even though football is his favourite thing in the world, and he therefore isn't playing with this lad either. I just feel really sad that 1/ someone's picked on him and 2/ it always seems to be 1 step forward and 2 steps back! (Looks really wet written down!) I suppose I want reassurance that he's not abnormal to be like this. By the way, he is often left out and gets very few party invites etc

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southeastastra · 21/09/2006 21:03

he's not abnormal! has your school got any football club he could join?

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3monkeys · 21/09/2006 21:15

Thank you so much for replying! No football club till Yr3 I think. He does go to football holiday schemes at school during hols which he loves but is very much on his own, even though he knows all the kids. What worries me really is that he just doesn't fit in

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bogwobbit · 21/09/2006 21:25

He's not abnormal. My ds (who also loves football) used to be play in the street with 3 other boys from our small estate. Then his best friend moved and another boy moved in. This boy took a dislike to my ds for some reason and basicaly turned the other kids against him. He had a totally miserable year where, basically as soon as he ventured out of our front door, the boy who hated him and his gang would shout abuse at him and chase him back in. Fortunately this boy has now moved away and ds is so much happier. Kids can be really horrible to each other and until this happened I would never have believed that my son, who is basically quite confident and outgoing, could be a victim but it happens...
All I can suggest is keep telling your son it's not his fault, try to persuade him to keep playing football at lunchtime, invite his new friend to 'playdates' after school and try to get him other opportunities to play football, even if it's just a kickaround with his dad or you.
Try not to worry about him not fitting in. I found it easier when I realised that it was not my son who was the problem/had the problem but the boy who was bullying him.
I hope you can sort this out and keep your son's confidence up. You have my sympathies.

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3monkeys · 22/09/2006 09:48

Thanks for advice. This is the latest incident in years of worrying about him! Have got myself in a tizz this wk. Tried to talk to him this morning about it but he is adamant he won't play - it's more about joining in than the football!

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ScummyMummy · 22/09/2006 09:52

He's not abnormal. He sounds like a sweetie to me. The playground is a hard place to be and maybe your ds is more of a one to one person. Why don't you invite the lovely lad round to reinforce their friendship?

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3monkeys · 22/09/2006 09:58

Maybe I should do that. It's hard seeing all the other lads being 'laddish' and DS ignoring them! I think I feel it more than him though. DD started reception this wk and I haven't worried about her at all

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southeastastra · 22/09/2006 10:01

give it a bit of time, it's awful my son was a bit like this, and likes to hang around with just a couple of friends. your son will fit in, it just takes a little time.

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3monkeys · 22/09/2006 10:16

Thanks. Maybe I should just leave him alone! He is a real sweetie at home, unlike his sister who is Miss Popular!! Am hoping this yr that party invites will start to tail off for the others so he isn't so left out

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KTeepee · 22/09/2006 10:32

I would definitely invite his friend around after school to try to cement the friendship. If you know the child's parents at all maybe you could also suggest both boys join a football club outside school? Most should take children from Yr1 onwards. If your ds continues to be unhappy I would also mention it to the school - our school would definitely want to know if children were being unkind to each other

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3monkeys · 22/09/2006 13:16

Think it might be trying too hard to save a friendship that is going to fade away anyway. He has his 3 good friends who he plays with and adores. He also belongs to 2 football groups outside school which he loves. Am really just sad that he is in the other class from his friends and he was made up at start of term that he would be with this other child. He looks so different to all the others sometimes, kind of vacant - my friend says he lives in his own world! Think this is amazing though - I posted this last night when feeling low and all these lovely strangers have taken the trouble to reply!

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desperateSCOUSEwife · 22/09/2006 13:19

what about a local football club
not associated with the school
that plays on the weekends

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marthamoo · 22/09/2006 13:28

Bless him, he sounds exactly like my ds1. I honestly would not worry too much - as you say he does have friends (if not a huge gang of them) and he plays football outside of school.

It's sad he's not the sort of child who can just shrug off the unkind comments and play in school with the 'cool boys' anyway - but you can't change how he is, my ds1 would be the same and I have anguished over it too. They are who they are - my ds1 is quiet, shy, sensitive, not a 'joiner', worries about what people think - and "vacant" and "in his own world" describe him perfectly

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Flowertop · 22/09/2006 15:04

Hi my DS1 is very much in this mould too! He has never had many friends at school and at times it has been a real issue mainly for me. I have tried the asking kids home until it got to the point that he asked me to stop as he didn't like it. He doesn't want a party this year (nearly 8). I have come to the opinion that I have to back off and let him be. At the end of the day he is the one who may/may not miss out but I can't keep propping him up. All we can do is try to keep their confidence up and support them when they need it. He won't join any clubs (apart from football at the weekend). I had his name down for a year at Beavers and the day he was given a place he would not come, even when I suggested that I sit with him to see if he liked it. Please don't think your little boy is abnormal as they are all so different.
XX

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3monkeys · 16/10/2006 22:23

Just as an update to all the lovely people who replied initially. He is now loving Yr2 and got a party invite today for the first time in a long time (months)! Feel much better all of a sudden!!