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Son starting Pre school in Sep, very worried!!

(14 Posts)
zachariahsmummy Sat 13-Aug-11 12:38:54

Hi guys,
My son is starting prep school in Sep, going from a state infant school, so will be joining year 3 and i'm sooooo worried!!
My main concerns are a social issue, we dont live in a flash house or have lots of money, we live in a 2 bed house!
Will he feel like the poor child in the class?!
i am so worried!!
i really appreciate your thoughts!

thereinmadnesslies Sat 13-Aug-11 12:50:01

DS is at a prep school and we are in no way rich. Essentially it is fine, there are some very families and some not so rich (Inc kids being paid for by grandparents) and everything in between. We fairly quickly worked out which families we got on with best, and privately snigger about the family with five flash cars but nightmare child.

The school is also good at integrating new starters - lots of expats etc so I'm sure your school coming from a state school won't be a shock.

Hope your son loves it smile

iggly2 Sat 13-Aug-11 13:45:01

Ds is bursary kid and our relatives help with school fees. His school is a mixture of all sorts and lots work long hours and make hugh sacrifices to send their children there. There are some very wealthy as well. The parents are all lovely-I have never felt uncomfortable. You do end up gravitating to those in similar financial circumstances/jobs (probably more to do with your own social insecurities than anything being said). Ds has noticed some of his friends have hugh houses (he cannot not notice when goes round to play!). These differences are not mentioned (to my knowledge) in the playgound.Ds is very happy and I hope your child is a well. do not worry smile.

scoobydoo76 Sat 13-Aug-11 14:02:58


It is definitely me rather than my son worrying! we, as a family are very easy going and have never judged anyone, but think ive become a worrier since! my son has been given an amazing bursary age 7 due to his sporting abilities and literacy, so i think he'll hold his own due to his own merits but i still worry about houses etc as our house is so small it may as well be a wendy house!!!!!

HermioneRocks Sat 13-Aug-11 14:47:47

Hi Scooby
I am in a similar situation, my ds is 9 and has just got a bursary to a prep school. We live in a small ish rented house and am worried about us being the poor relations but my ds is not worried at all.

scoobydoo76 Sat 13-Aug-11 15:05:48

neither is my son!! i think its me trying to keep up with 'The Jones'!'

are people really that judgemental?! i dont know?!!!


visavis Sat 13-Aug-11 15:58:18

I wouldn't worry. I have a very good friend who was on a 100% scholarship at a private school. She was from a very poor background. She had no difficulty at all mixing in at her school. It was more about who she was as a person than how much money she had. My DH played with the grandson of an earl when at pre prep. He had no idea at the time and neither did his mother (it wasn't relevant). They were both more interested in each others toy cars or how fast they could run. I am sure he will have a great time smile

forehead Sat 13-Aug-11 16:12:57

I do not agree, children do notice differences and it can affect their self esteem. What is more important is that you instil in your child a sense of self confidence.

goinggetstough Sat 13-Aug-11 16:40:11

I agree with you all! DCs don't notice 'all' differences but they will notice some. IMO these differences become more pronounced at sixth form level(so you have years to go until then.)
What is important is that they are happy and confident as forehead says. Do be careful to make sure that your DS doesn't overhear you and your DP discussing it as this is what can really affect them. Your DS is there because the school want him and he has a bursary to prove it!
I hope he has great time.

visavis Sat 13-Aug-11 18:21:15

forehead - I agree that in some situations this is completely correct - however, my dh says he had absolutely no idea at all at his school who was wealthy and who wasn't (he was at a top public school). It lead to a very level playing field.

happygardening Mon 15-Aug-11 09:58:57

This is what I posted on an almost identical thread:I have just spent six years at a boarding prep in a similar situation to you. I found that the staff and the other children generally don't care. The parents fall into five categories; those in the same situation as you, therefore very friendly and easy to get on with. Parents from London thus used to mixing with people from all backgrounds so again friendly. The super rich; Sunday Times rich listers, the genuine aristocracy with their stately homes and land as far as the eye can see again usually very friendly and normal. Foreign parents glad that anyone will talk to them, Finally the largest group; lots of money but not unbelievably wealthy, 8 -10 bedroomed houses, swimming pools, flash cars, holiday cottage on the Suffolk coast or the North Cornish coast etc some our lovely and friendly but many are frankly absolutely ghastly. Ultimately they are bad mannered not even able to smile and say hello when they bump into you at a match tea. These people are best avoided. It is good to attend a few organised events and you will quickly discover who is who. Hope it helps.

Maarias Wed 24-Aug-11 00:49:37

liked happygardeningpost's post (!)....very true...although have to say I have even found some in the latter category at our local state primary : ))

TalkinPeace2 Wed 24-Aug-11 17:05:53

at primary school (v v v posh) I was the one living in a rented shabby flat whose single mum worked full time
my fees were paid by others
I knew I was as good as anybody else at the school so it never bothered me or anybody else

horsemadmom Thu 25-Aug-11 12:07:57

Kids really don't care! Mine went to a nursery/preprep that was very mixed economically (for a private school). The Head kept kids on if there was financial difficulty and seemed to make sure that if she liked a child, they got in and stayed in no matter what.

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