Changing schools to where I teach-HELP!

[doglover]

Hi everyone. I would really appreciate some of your opinions on this issue because I am getting totally hetup about the whole thing! Basically, I have 2 dd (y1 & y2) who currently attend a small out of catchment primary school.They are both happy there and are making good progress but have no special friends.The OFSTED report (Sept. 2004) was not great; the school is very 'cosy 'and is not achieving goood standards-particularly as the pupils are from supportive, educated backgronds. Meanwhile, I teach at our large, catchment junior school which received a very good OFSTED report recently. It is in a VERY socially diverse area but academically the children perform very well.My DH and I are really struggling to know what to do for the best.........do we move our 2dd to a more challenging environment both academically and behaviourly (they are both very bright but 'sheltered') or let them remain at their current 'coasting' school?Also, how do children cope if they are at the same school as their parents? Is it better to keep us separate?! Any advice,please?

[sunnyside]

I think I'd move them but I imagine it's hard to keep mouth shut when their teacher is fed up with the class etc. Have worked with colleagues who've done this and it didn't seem to effect kids or parents adversely. Difficult one though

[Cam]

My sister, younger brother and I all went to the school where my mother taught for a time, it was fine she used to ignore us completely!

Many years later my dd also went to "her" school for a year and she was allowed to call her "Nanna"

[flamesparrow]

I was at school with several kids who's parents taught there (one being the head's son), and they seemed to get on fine (obviously I can't know the ins and outs, but I know that they were all there on a "trial run" and they were to move if it didn't work.... they never moved).

The head's son really didn't let him affect him - he was nearly always in detention for one bit of mischief or another

I'm assuming that you can have it so that they aren't in your class? That way they get the benefit of the school, but not mummy as their teacher

[doglover]

Thanks for responses, folks. We would appreciate any other thoughts on our dilemma!

[doglover]

Any other pearls of wisdom?!

[debutante]

A tricky one- I teach and have on occasions taken my ds to school with me. One little incident at playtime made me see that I was a mum first and a teacher second and so was glad my kids don't go to my school. How would you cope dealing with playground altercation when your child is supposedly "naughty"? also what do you talk about round the tea table.. that's just a general one I have wondered about for people in this situation?

[Ericblack]

My mum taught at my Secondary School briefly. I will never forget her arriving on a scooter (not a cool Italian one but one with pedals) clutching my violin, finding me at the smokers and saying "I brought you're violin, you left it this morning".

[pabla]

I suppose my gut reaction is that if they are happy where they are, why move them? If you feel at any time that they are not being stretched enough, presumably you would be able to give them extra work/help at home? Only my personal opinion, but if they are happy and enjoy learning, that is the main thing. There will be plenty of pressure to perform academically later on.

I have no personal experience of being taught by a parent but the only person I know who was, hated it (and her mum didn't actually teach her I think but did teach at her school.)

My ds has just started in reception where the teacher's youngest child is also in the class. I am waiting for him to realise they are related to see what his reaction is! At the moment I don't think he believes teachers have a life outside school!

[firestorm]

i would leave them where they are if theyre happy & settled, its not as if you arent capable of helping them at home.

[RTKangaMummy]

My sis, me and my bro were all at infant school with my mum teaching and being dept head when my bro was there

My sis went to grammar school and my dad taught there and taught her history

My bro and I went to 6th form {at the same school - it changed from grammer to 6th form} and so my dad taught there.

All of my family are teachers and I am now married to one, DS is desperate to go to DH school next year (yr 7)

Anyway we loved it and so would know all the gossip etc from school {the teachers first names !!!! that was really exciting in those days}

You are right other children didn't think teachers excisted outside school - when children saw my mum out in the town they were surprised

So if you think your school is the right one for DDs then go for it

DO they go into your school with you when putting up displays collecting books etc.?

[doglover]

Thanks everyone.It's good to get a range of opinions on this issue. Yes,RTKanga, the girls love popping into my school and 'helping' me during the school hols! I would never be their actual teacher and would probably avoid their respective yeargroups so as to not cramp their style!

[Cam]

God yes kanga forgot about the best aspect - knowing all the staff room ins and outs (literally in some cases)

[nooka]

OK, this is purely from my own point of view, but PLEASE PLEASE don't teach at the same school that your children attend. My mother did this, and it totally destroyed our relationship. I felt that my mother completely invaded my space (I was there first, and it was secondary school, so probably a bit different) and I was and still am very angry about it (I'm now 34!). I felt that she broke a previous promise never to do it. I later found out that she never saw it that way - she told our primary school that she couldn't let us go to the local catholic school because she taught there, but actually this was just an excuse for us to go to a different school. However at the time I thought she had gone back on her word. I was actually in a class where three children had teachers at the school as parents, and I don't think it worked out for any of us. Either the teacher tells her children what's going on "behind the scenes" which may be seen by other kids as unfair, or they are very proper like my mum, and never told anything at all - resulting in no conversation possible about much of our lives. I hated being taught by my mum, and I'm sure she hated teaching me, as I was very disruptive and refused to call her by her "teaching" name. Also she made friends in the staffroom with teachers I didn't like, and then they called me by my family nickname, which I found deeply offensive. I do really believe that the experience scarred me for life!

So please think very very carefully about it, and don't do it unless you are absolutely sure your children will really benefit, are happy about it and that you have worked out how to handle them getting into trouble (for both major and particularly minor things that as a parent you probably wouldn't even find out about), how you will handle talking about school as a family etc.

[mawbroon]

I would tend to agree with nooka however my experience also relates to secondary school so is perhaps not comparable with the situation in question.

Anyway, both my parents taught at the only secondary in the town where all five of us attended. They were good teachers, but were very strict and therefore not the most popular teachers in the school. The whole family got shouted at in the street, we got abusive phone calls, my brother got punched for no reason and got teeth knocked out, my sister had eggs thrown at her, there was nasty graffitti about them both in the school toilets etc etc etc. I always felt like a total misfit at school - it was impossible to be the same as everyone else when you are in this position - and I know that as a teenager, all you want is to be the same as everyone else.

It took me many years to come to terms with it and I still maintain that my parents should never have taught at our school. They could easily have commuted the 12 miles or so to one of the neighbouring towns however I have told myself that I am sure that they didn't deliberately psychologically scar us!! I have talked to my siblings about this and we are all in total agreement.

Of course this is just my experience - but you did ask!!

Good luck whatever you decide

[nooka]

Wow mawbroon - were your parents aware about the grief that you were all receiving? My problem was often the reverse - my friends loved my mother, and would tell her their problems, so it was very difficult to talk to them about my problems. Then she would talk about her daughters experiences in class, and everyone would come up to me afterwards and ask me did this really happen... She didn't figure out that although she knew she had three daughters, no one at school did. Really felt that my school (and in some ways part of my childhood) was stolen from me.

[ScummyMummy]

I must say the kids with parents teaching at the school had an absolutely awful time at my secondary. Not sure if primary would be different. Two of the most popular teachers at my primary had kids who attended the school and they were envied but I'm not sure what their experience of it all was. Have you asked your daughters what they think?

[doglover]

WOW! Thanks for sharing such fascinating and varied views with us. We're obviously going to have to think long and hard about this decision.We have yet to seriously talk to our 2 dd about a possible change because next September seems an eternity away when you're only 5 & 6! We should probably gently introduce the possiblity, though.

[Amai]

I say keep them at the cosy school they are lucky to be there in this awful day and age!!

[Cam]

Gosh am horrified at some of these experiences, my mother only taught at primary level where we attended (she later taught A levels at a private school - but we had all left school by then).

Your experience sounds particularly rough, Mawbroon.

Like I said before, my mother never actually taught any of us (although she did teach my dd1 for a short time)and I barely saw her at school. I actually used to forget she was there most of the time.

[mawbroon]

Nooka - yes, my parents were aware of pretty much all the stuff that went on but felt that it was better to live and work in the same town so that they were nearer to home. They also made sure that the timetables worked out so that we were in their classes so that they knew we were getting taught properly (there were a couple of teachers in the department who were not so hot). So, I do believe that their intentions were for the best but there is no way to ever find out how it might have been if they had worked elsewhere.

Anyway, all water under the bridge now but I will be acutely aware of my kid(s) needing to fit in when they are teenagers!

[LeahE]

It seems from the replies here as though there are very different primary and secondary experiences. My sister went to the (primary) school my mother taught at and there was no problem.

[CalicoPie]

Yep, no problems here either - I went to the (junior) school where my dad was head. Like the other posters I think high school would be much more of an issue.

[doglover]

Thanks again everyone. My dh is going to look around my school next week as a potential Y3 parent because he hasn't really seen what it has to offer. Following this, we will sit down and thoroughly discuss the 2 schools and their respective suitability for our girls.

[jampots]

doglover - i would go for the school which can offer your children the best. Good idea to think if you weren't teaching there would you send them to that school? But I will say one thing - if you do send your girls to your school PLEASE make a point of telling your colleagues that if they play up or get into scrapes with others they must treat you exactly the same as any other parent. My ds has just moved schools in year 4 because he was being bullied by a teacher's child in his class - no member of staff would deal with it effectively and simply passed it off as "George is just clumsy" This will always make me very