I'm worried and Stressed about food and my weight

[Bimbop5]

I don't know if I have an eating disorder but I did take a few online tests that opened my eyes a bit. When I was in my late teens I used to throw up but then stopped for quite awhile. Then started again in my 20's but around 28 I stopped. It wasn't an everyday thing. I worked at a stressful job and started eating a lot. I ended up overweight but not by much. I am 5'6 inches and I was 160 lbs. So I guess that is around 11 stone? I'm in canada.

After I got a better job I lost weight with myfitnesspal and exercising more. I ended up at 115 lbs at one point, 8.2 stone. That was too small. So I ate a bit more food and have been maintaining my weight at around 118 (8.4 stones) to 123 lbs (8.7 stone) for the last 5 years.

Lately, I feel fat and I'm 120 lbs, and I know its ridiculous. I run 3 times a week for 45 minutes. Lift weights and on other days walk at least 2 hours a day. I'm terrified to gain weight and do not like seeing the scale at 120. I want it lower. I hate this because I know logically that is stupid.

I haven't told anyone in my real life how consuming it is. And I still feel like my body is huge. I honestly don't k ow where to turn. I'm 42 years old and I should know more. Sigh.

And I love food, especially sugar. But I try to eat healthy and hardly no carbs except veggies. I eat a lot of yogurt and nuts. And salad with salsa. But I feel guilty all the time. And I'm worried that my hair is going to fall out. On one hand its like I'm thinking I'm too thin and my hair is going to fall out. But then I feel big.

This is really stressing me out. I wish I could just enjoy life. I'm going to read some of the threads on here. Thanks if you made it this far.

[lljkk]

Who knows about your food & weight thinking in real life, who do you talk to?