Pregnant and bulimic

[rainyday79]

I don't really know why I'm posting, I guess because this is my big secret and I really can't talk to anyone else. I've suffered from bulimia for about 15 years on and off. The past 2 years it's been pretty much daily. I don't particularly binge, only very occasionally, and I don't get rid of everything I eat, it's usually only dinner. I guess it could be a control thing, not being able to control my food intake in the evening, therefore getting rid of it. It definitely helps me control my weight and in the past year has helped me to get down to a good weight. I'm not thin and never have been. Pre pregnancy I was 9.5 stone, which I was happy with. Now I'm 18 weeks pregnant and despite deciding that this 'habit' would stop, it hasn't, and I can't. It's now got the point where I don't make myself sick, it just happens after I eat a meal. I'm trying to eat little and often and sometimes this helps, but because I can't tell my partner, I can't always avoid eating big meals. I am 36 and this is my first child, a child I was absolutely desperate for. I know I probably need to talk to my doctor, but I really don't want to tell my partner. I think I just needed to get it out there and tell some strangers.

[crazybat]

Could it be that pregnancy is causing your sickness or are you definitely sure it's bulimia? It's definitely worth getting counselling as you don't want to make yourself poorly after baby X congratulation on your pregnancy.

If it helps. I threw up the whole of my pregnancy. He was still 9lb9 and I put on less weight than he weighed. So there are plenty of women in the same boat that have a healthy baby if your concern is that it's going to have an affect X

I don't know what else to say as I've never been in this situation but big hugs X

[crazybat]

Just re read, I mean your current sickness not your previous. I'm not doubting your illness xx

[rainyday79]

I think I've come to a point, pregnancy aside, where being sick when I eat is just a lifestyle choice for me....I'm not underweight and I don't have serious health problems and I don't feel it's taking over my life. So, I think my real concern was for my baby. I think that at the moment the need to be sick is probably half pregnancy, half bulimia....I don't ever feel nauseous, just so full that I need to get rid! Thank you so much for putting my mind at rest a little xx

[PotteringAlong]

If you can't stop then it's not a lifestyle choice though, it's not a choice at all any more and that is a concern.

Is there anyone in real life you can talk to?

[rainyday79]

I really don't want to talk to anyone about it...definitely not my partner. I think before I was pregnant it was a lifestyle choice.... I could've chosen to eat less and therefore not felt so guilty and desperate to get rid of the food, but now sometimes I can't physically keep the food down.

[crayfish]

Are you sure your partner doesn't know? Being sick daily after dinner must be difficult to hide.

I really think you should talk to your midwife or doctor about it, throwing up on purpose is not a lifestyle choice, there is much more to it than that.

[catsilversilk]

Please read this:

www.your-bulimia-recovery.com/bulimia-pregnancy.html

You really need to ask for help - please tell your doctor or midwife for the sake of your baby (not scaremongering, just practical advice).

[rainyday79]

My partner definitely doesn't know. If he did, he would say something. Thank you for the link...I will give it a read. I will think about talking to my GP. I know my health is fine, but I wouldn't forgive myself if I harmed my baby.

[slippingback]

I know this is an old thread but still from this year but wanted to post incase you're still struggling.

How are you now? Did you confide in anyone?

I know how you feel but honestly, the biggest grip that this disease has on you is secrecy. Break that, and you're one huge step closer to breaking its grip on you completely. Trust me!

Hoping you're well now OP