5 weeks pregnant and already obsessing

[H0p3]

I'll be 5 weeks pregnant on Friday and I am really struggling with the bloating and 'fat' feeling already. I have a history of anorexia and bulimia (more bulimic than anorexic I think) but have been well and managing it for the last ten years. However in the last 5 years I have been underweight and my BMI has fluctuated from 16-18. At the time I got pregnant it was closer to 18 and my GP didn't seem concerned at all. Since I found out I was pregnant ten days ago my belly has blown up like a balloon and in the first week I put on about 5lbs. I have lost 3lbs this week but my belly is still huge and I think I already look pregnant despite being so early.

I'm so confused. Why has my belly blown up the way it has? I totally expect to put weight on and am excited about showing but not at this stage. I can't wear any of the dresses I used to wear to work as they would all show my stomach and it is too obvious. I haven't told people at work yet for obvious reasons. I guess I'm just wondering if a) it's normal to be this round of belly at this stage b) will it go back before I start to show or is this now it? In which case I have 8 weeks of hiding it away and c) how do I mentally cope with this? I'm already being really careful with food and have gone back to a carb free diet other than my main meal in the evening and I'm worried I will start restricting even more if I don't get a handle on this. I want this baby and it was planned so I feel extremely guilty for feeling this way.

Any advice or experience would be greatly appreciated. I feel guilty, physically repulsed by myself and obsessive right now which I know are all bad mindsets to be in at this stage. Please help!!

[thatcoldfeeling]

It is normal, and normal to feel like this too. Pregnancy is really not the time to let ED behaviours get a hold though. Have you seen your GP?
I've just realised you posted this a few weeks ago & feel bad that it has gone unanswered. I don't think this sub forum gets much traffic & due to the nature of the Qs, & need for answers, wonder if it wld be better incorporated into MH.
Anyway, how are you feeling now?

[H0p3]

Hi that and thank you for responding. I am a bit all over the place now as I was admitted to hospital Saturday with suspected, but thankfully not, ectopic which kind of puts things into perspective. I saw a heartbeat on the scan I had and feel so desperate to look after my baby now. Also they are helping me deal with the constipation which they think caused some of the pain that had me admitted in the first place. Weight wise I'm shocked as I've gone from 8.5 to 8.13 and I'm only 6 weeks. However I've stopped restricting again and am just being healthy and hope dealing with my blockage may cut some of that increase down. I still feel paranoid/anxious about the weight gain but have accepted that my size 6/8 trousers are unlikely to continue to be comfortable and I may just need to invest in some size 10s and not worry. I've also read other women saying they put on lots in the first trimester and then very little later so given my low weight to begin with I'm hoping this may be the case with me.
I will discuss with my midwife next week but thank you for the response.

[thatcoldfeeling]

I'm glad you have seen your baby's heartbeat and that you are okay :)

May be worth mentally thinking ahead a bit, you will need to buy bigger clothes as the pregnancy progresses. Buying my first ever size 14 trousers was a massive low, but somehow easier for me than maternity clothes. Plan ahead to look after you & your baby.

[SpaceDinosaur]

HOp thank you for starting this thread. I'm here with the same. I am 5 weeks too, I've been "in control" for 5 years. I'm a healthy BMI. A size 12/14 really doing well.

The second I fell pregnant I don't want to be fat. I stopped drinking alcohol of course and I'm refusing to change my eating habits. I won't eat because I'm hungry, I will eat at appropriate times and I feel like I might be slipping a bit

[H0p3]

Hi Space I'm sorry I didn't get an email about this until yesterday otherwise I'd have responded. I am now 12 weeks (today!) and have actually put on 14lbs already. I tried so hard to be 'controlled' about what I was eating for a while but I spent one whole week eating salad at lunch every day and then a healthy meal in the evening and I still gained 2lbs at the end of it. I have now got a bump. It's small but it is definitely a bump and to others it might look a bit like I ate too many pies, but to me I know that bump is baby (well at least all the bits baby has displaced). I have found bump helpful in reminding me this is why I have gained weight. If I spend too long looking in the mirror I can feel myself obsessing and getting upset so I try not to do that. And I bought maternity clothes early so I didn't feel uncomfortable in my normal clothes. That's a big thing for me and having clothes that are too tight really effects me psychologically. I'm in size 10 maternity clothes that have a reasonable amount of room for me to grow into whilst still looking good now. I don't know if any of that will be of help to you, but they have been my coping mechanisms. Alongside not eating I have an issue with overeating, so I tend to either starve or binge. I seem to have found a happy medium at the moment where I eat what I want within reason and I make sure some of that is healthy, so fruit, salad and vegetables (I love junk food unfortunately). Please feel free to message me or respond on here if you want to talk at all. I know what a lonely place it can be when you feel like you are losing control.

[MaliCarro]

Hello! You're 5 weeks pregnant and already obsessed so much - that can't be good. I think you should consult a therapist immediately. And when your anxiety subsides you'll be able to listen to your body and you'll know what food you need. And if you won't, here is a wonderful article about the 5th week of pregnancy that may help you: motherhow.com/5-weeks-pregnant/