Potential single mum by choice

[CClarke77]

Hey Everyone I hope you are all well and enjoying start of bank hols. I have a question - I’m researching Spanish ivf clinics and the last quote was quite reasonable but will take me 18 - 24 months to save for. I want one last go but do you think it’s crazy to do this when I will be 43? I know you guys can’t really answer that but just want to see if any one Else is in this position? Thankyou

[MonkeyToesOfDoom]

Hiya op. I can't really comment in your post, other than to let you know ive reported it to MNHQ and I hope they move it somewhere you'll get a response.

Good luck.

[YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet]

Hello OP - we're going to move your thread over to the Donor conception/parenting board. Site Stuff is mostly for MNers to communicate directly with MNHQ about problems with the site etc.

Best of luck.
MNHQ

[cranstonmanor]

I don't think it's crazy. I know lots of people who have childrem at the beginning of tgeir 40s. The country I live in has changed their policy that you can now do ivf up to age 45. Since it's paid for by national health insurance they wouldn't dobthat unless it had a chance of success.

[nevernotstruggling]

Go for it. I've been a single latent for 7 years and I'm 40 and I love it

[CClarke77]

Hello! Thankyou very much

[CClarke77]

Thankyou Cranston that’s really kind just gotta keep on plugging away

[CClarke77]

Thankyou never not, you have to go with your instinct don’t you. How do you manage with work etc and are you doing this alone? Sorry if that’s a bit nosey

[Susanna88]

I'm all honesty, I don't think I would want to be 43 and beginning parenthood. Especially as a single parent.

But it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, only what you think and want. Only you know if you're in good health / good frame of mind / secure financially etc and are in a positive place to become a parent.

I would say though to brace yourself for the possibility it may not work. Someone I know, mid 30s and healthy has had two rounds already and been unsuccessful. There are no guarantees. Wishing you luck with whichever road you take.

[GreatestShowUnicorn]

I have one donor conceived child. What else have you tried? Could you get a loan or put it on CC rather than waiting when time is not on your side.

[nevernotstruggling]

@CClarke77 I work full time but I work flexi which is helpful. My mum helps one day a week and the kids have a range of child care arrangements! It's tiring sometimes but the older they get the easier it is. I would struggle to share the girls now it's been too long

[CClarke77]

Thanks Susanna all valid points, Unicorn yup I hear u but I want to be fully prepared. It’s tricky. Congratulations by the way 😀

[CClarke77]

Never not struggling - you sound like a smbc rockstar! You all do 🤩

[nevernotstruggling]

Thanks @CClarke77 xx

[gillyflower9]

Have you tried Create Fertility? I think they do a finance package so you wouldn’t have to wait until you’re 43 but do it sooner.
Even so, if it’s what you want to do at 43, go for it! It’s your life. If you think you can give a child a happy, loving and caring home and it’s an informed decision, it’s your decision alone. Just be prepared it may not work as has already been said.
Good luck!🤞

[niclw]

Hi @CClarke77 I have an 8 month old donor conceived baby and I'm a solo mum. I was worried about the financial side of things but assumed based on all the information online that IVF was my only option. I went to a clinic near me and they actually advised trying IUI (medicated or non my choice) first as all my test results were good for my age. They advised a maximum of 3 attempts then to discuss ivf. IUI was much cheaper. The actual procedure was about £850 plus the medication costs and the donor sperm so much more affordable and I was able to do it sooner. I was lucky and it worked on my second attempt. It might be worthwhile contacting a clinic and finding out your options first. Good luck x

[palahvah]

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[lunabody]

Are you UK based? If so, why are you looking at Spain? Please try to find somewhere local to you - I'm the child of a sperm donor and have no way of finding out who my genetic father is. I'm more at peace with it now, but would love to know if I had the chance, and would resent a parent who made a conscious choice to deny that. Hope you can find a way to make this happen for you - looks like some good advice from other posters so far x

[SurreyisSunny]

I’m 41 and currently 20 weeks and a solo mum.

I was realised that my age I had to get on with it so when the clinic (uk) suggested iui I said no and went straight to ivf . I’ve spent a lot on ivf but totally worth it,

Also be realistic about the cost. My first round was around £9k to include medication, licenses, freezing and sperm. I was most shocked by the medication cost.