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How to make a right choice???

(19 Posts)
marrycherry Sun 21-Aug-16 12:55:52

Hi, everybody. I’ve registered here because I need someone to help me. I’m infertile due to a tough Asherman’s syndrome. In my early twenties, I had several abortions, and now my husband and I have been TTC for nearly 4 years. I’ve already had various treatment courses, but nothing worked with me. At present we are thinking of an idea to ask a surrogate mother to carry a child for us. I’m a UK resident, however, according to the laws a surrogate mother has all rights to the baby. As we don’t have a close person to carry and give a birth to our future baby son or baby daughter, we decided to ask a woman to do it for money. In the UK surrogacy conducted on commercialized basis is illegal, so we decided to go toUkraine, where surrogacy is determined by the laws and a surrogate isn’t considered to be a biological mother of the baby.
Two weeks ago we went to Ukraine to contact one reproductive clinic in Kiev. The name of this clinic is Biotexcom. We have chosen it because there were loads of favorable feedbacks about it in the internet. In addition, I have discussed it with one of my close friends who also went to Ukraine to get a donor egg and recommended it to us.
All in all, we were glad to get a quick invitation from the clinic’s representatives to visit Kiev.
However, when we came to Ukraine and so everything with our own eyes we were really shocked…
The clinic is situated in a small private mansion. Can a respectable medical establishment be located in private house??? Of course, not!!!! As the building where the clinic is situated is tiny, its halls are always overcrowded. Every time I visited the clinic, it was always overcrowded: a large queue near the reception desk, large queues near the doctor’s offices and treatment rooms!!! If this clinic has so many patients, why don’t they open other agencies???
The clinic isn’t a selective one. They deal with everybody. When we were sitting and waiting our queue to consult a GP in the clinic, we saw people of various nationalities. Some of them were behaving rather weird. We became witnesses of small conflict, when a dark-skinned man told one guy that he was gazing at his wife!!!! I thought that they were going to fight!!!!
The atmosphere in the clinic is very noisy. I saw loads of couples with small children. Some of them are crying, and it causes an additional discomfort.
Some words about the doctors… When I met the doctor in charge of our program, I noticed that she was extremely tired. She seemed to be a good specialist, but she spoke with us very formally. When I tried to get some additional details, she looked at me angrily, so I decided not to do it.
We decided not to sign up a contract, and went back to the UK.
And now I have a question: if the clinic has so many patients, it means it’s a popular one. But can such clinic as Biotexcom provide all its patients with qualitative medical services???

ncayley115 Tue 30-Aug-16 15:29:09

Maybe its busy because its cheap? We used IVI Alicante who were excellent but I don't think they deal with surrogacy.

beautymerry2016 Wed 21-Sep-16 14:19:21

Hi, unfortunately, reproductive medicine is rather expensive nowadays and not all people can afford it. You’ve written that you need to find a surrogate mother for your future child. I think it’s right that you’ve asked a reproductive clinic to find a surrogate for you, because it’s safer than looking for a surrogate by yourself. You’ve also written some things that you didn’t like about this clinic. For instance, you’ve written that the clinic is rather tiny. I think it’s ok, because there are loads of such clinics here, in the UK. Some doctors have private offices that occupy only one room. You’ve also stated that there were many patients in the clinic the day you visited them. I also think it’s all right: people wouldn’t visit the clinic that scams its patients. The fact that some patients come with little children means that their success ratings are rather high…
But it’s really unpleasant to deal with unfriendly staff. Maybe, you may contact your program manager and tell them about the things you didn’t like during your first visit? It sometimes works. Nevertheless, you need a good fertility specialist and a healthy surrogate mother to succeed, not a smiling administrator…
P.S. And what about the candidates the clinic has offered to you? Did you like any of them???

marrycherry Fri 30-Sep-16 13:06:37

All in all, I liked the candidates the clinic offered to us. They are young, healthy ladies. All of them have healthy children. There was also a woman who has already taken part in a surrogacy program. Their prices are ok, and I’m sure that the surrogate will be treated well. The contract the clinic offers has several paragraphs where they guarantee that the surrogate will be treated ok. In addition, there is a very touching video on their official website about surrogate mothers. These are the things I like about them.
But I can’t understand why they don’t organize their work properly… Why do they make patients wait in large queues???

sweetmia Sat 01-Oct-16 23:05:00

Hi, I wouldn’t recommend you to trust those clinics in Ukraine. It’s a poor country with unstable political condition and loads of economical problems. I’m not just sure that their NHS is ok. My husband and I visited Kiev a year ago. At the first sight, this city seems ok and very cheap for people who came from the abroad. But we talked with the people who live there. They complain about a poor quality of their NHS very much…

user1468929072 Sun 02-Oct-16 14:35:31

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

marrycherry Mon 03-Oct-16 10:32:05

Oh, thanks!! I would cause I really don’t know what to do next. I am just keen to know maybe there is someone here who was in Ukraine and dealt with reproductive clinics there. The things we didn’t like in the clinic relate to the way the clinic organizes its work. Maybe, it’s worth to stay in the queue and find a good surrogate mother then to get a bad service from smiling doctors. I write this because I’ve read several stories on fertility forums recently where ladies described their bad experience of dealing with agencies…

orangemarmelade Thu 06-Oct-16 11:49:36

Hi, I also want to leave here my feedback about Ukraine and Ukrainian people. At present, my brother is living in Ukraine with his Ukrainian girlfriend. He likes the country and the people who live there. Especially, he loves his girlfriend. I also like her very much. She is very friendly and kind. A positive lady who knows how to set and achieve her goals! As far as I’ve understood, a Ukrainian woman will become a surrogate for your child, so I reckon you won’t have any problems with her. The only thing I would advise you to do is to make sure that she will get all necessary things during her pregnancy and delivery.

marrycherry Fri 14-Oct-16 06:03:06

Hi, orangemermalade! Thanks for your message! I’m really glad that your brother has such a sweet gf. I hope our surrogate mother will be the same. For me, it’s vital to find a kind woman because only a woman with a big and kind heart will be able to give our child the best. I don’t want to meet anyone who does it not only for money. When we were talking with the clinic’s representatives, they told us that they check all candidates very thoroughly before they let them become surro mums. The woman must be young and healthy. She must be a mum of at least one healthy child. The woman must also pass through several psychological tests. Only when all the tests’ results are ok, she will be let become a surro mum. The clinic will provide her with a medical insurance. The clinic will provide a surrogate with all necessary medical checkups and treatment if needed. In case of abortion or miscarriage after the twelfth week of pregnancy, she will get a money compensation. Finally, all delivery expenses will be paid by the clinic. I like all these things and what do you think about it?

orangemarmelade Tue 18-Oct-16 04:47:53

The things you’ve written about in your last message sound nice. The surrogate must be treated well! She must get the best of the best because she’s carrying a baby for those women who aren’t able to carry and give birth by themselves. If the clinic takes care of surro moms well, I reckon, it’s worth dealing with it. I would also like to advise you to be cautious with the payments. As far as I know, reproductive clinics like to charge additional fees from their patients. You must be aware of all these things.

marrycherry Sun 23-Oct-16 09:49:31

Yes, I know this. Reproductive medicine is really expensive one. It attracts quite a lot of scammers. I’ve also read about the clinics that like to charge much from their clients. As for biotexcom, they require only a fixed sum. Our program manager told us that no additional fees will be charged from us. I think everything will be ok…

sweetmia Fri 28-Oct-16 07:17:26

Marrycherry, you’ve written quite a lot positive things about the clinic in your previous messages. I’m just keen to know how you’re going to leave Ukraine and enter your country with the baby. I know that surrogacy is forbidden in loads of European countries. In some countries surrogacy is considered to be a crime and the intended parents don’t have any rights to the baby. You should be extremely cautious with this? I think you should consult an attorney before doing anything. Good luck!

marrycherry Tue 01-Nov-16 00:00:19

As far as I know, the Ukrainian laws allow surrogacy and the intended parents are considered to be the biological parents of the baby. When the baby is born, the clinic helps the intended parents to get the Birth Certificate of the Baby in the Ukrainian Registry Office where the names of the intended parents are indicated. The clinic’s representatives make the translation of this Certificate. At the same time, you need to visit the embassy to get all necessary papers for the baby. In the UK, surrogacy is also available. But the surrogate mom has all the rights for the baby… We don’t have any close friends or relatives who would agree to become a surrogate for our baby. We’re also afraid to deal with strangers.

sweetmia Sat 05-Nov-16 18:01:04

Merrycherry, you’ve written that you’ll have to visit an embassy. But who will take care of your child when you go there? When a baby is born, it needs loads of care and love. Some pediatricians don’t recommend even to go anywhere with a newborn born child until he gets all necessary vaccinations. You’ll also need an interpreter to be able to communicate with the doctors and surro mum there. Where are you going to live? There are quite a lot of things to take into consideration! Don’t you think so?

marrycherry Sun 13-Nov-16 14:11:28

Sweetmia, I totally agree with you. I also thought about the things you’ve written in your post. I reckon we’ll be able to manage them somehow. Firstly, the clinic will provide us with attending babysitter. It will provide us with free time necessary to make all arrangements before we leave the country with a baby. The baby will be checked by the attending doctor daily. If necessary, the 24/7 medical consultation will be available for us. The specialist will even visit our apartment in urgent cases.

sweetmia Wed 16-Nov-16 22:52:23

Marrycherry, the things you’ve written about biotexcom in your posts are ok. This clinic may even suit you in some way, I guess. Just be cautious with everything. Think twice and then sign or do anything. If you are attentive enough, I think everything will be ok. Trust your gut, dear! I wish you good luck! Xxx

marrycherry Sat 19-Nov-16 10:54:58

Sweetmia, thanks for your messages. They’ve become a real support to me. We haven’t decided which clinic to choose yet. Maybe, it will be Biotexcom or some other clinic. We decided to take more time to think everything over. As soon as I have any updates, I’ll certainly write here. Thanks for your support, dear! Xxx

itsbetterthanabox Sat 19-Nov-16 11:02:18

You've chosen a poverty stricken country so you can get a cheap deal then moan about the clinic.
You have no evidence the surrogate will be treated well no matter what the clinic say.

orangemarmelade Wed 23-Nov-16 13:49:29

Even if you contact the most expensive or reputable clinic in the world, you have to rely on the specialists who work there. If they’re real professionals, they’ll do everything perfectly. Unfortunately, the intended parents can’t watch every single minute, what a surrogate does. For this purpose, it’s necessary to deal with a responsible woman who totally realizes that she’s going to carry a baby for the other people. For this purpose psychological testing is really handy. Merrycherry, if you find this clinic a reputable one, you can trust them. At least trust your gut,and you’ll see what to do further.

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