50/50 shared parenting

[queenjaneappro]

Hi
Just wondered if anyone shares their kids 50/50 with their ex partners? If so, what sort of pattern works best? My ex is suggesting having them on alternate weeks but I'm wondering if we'd be better splitting the week up? If you do that how do you share weekend etc?

[sadwithkiddies]

There are lots of patterns you can google with templates for free. I used a template to find a 70/30 schedule....but it took lots of tweaking. They usually run over 2 weeks to make the weekends fairer.
50/50 can be 1 week each or
2.2.5.5
4.4.3.3
There are many options so find what could work best for you. Good luck!

[queenjaneappro]

Thank you, that's given me lots to think about!

[TooTrusting]

I think children don't like too much toing and froing and it's easier for them to have set weekdays. Also if they are young, something that is easy to understand.
A client of mine does this
M- every Monday and Tuesday
F- every Wednesday and Thursday
Weekends then alternated.
If you to look at it numerically it's 5-5-2-2.
F still manages to make handovers difficult by being very overbearing and insisting on multiple items travelling between homes and so she's thinking week on, week off may actually be better.

[Febo24]

We're trying to figure this out at the moment. We have a little more flexibility as we're bird nesting initially for 3 months as a transition. My DDs are 6 and 8 and the 8yo in particular is a mummy's girl and hss a few anxiety issues so we're keeping the days apart quite small, so max 2-3.

We're thinking:
Dad: Monday and Tuesday
Mum: Wednesday Thursday
Alternating Fri or Sunday to break up the 5 day run depending on who's weekend it is.

Every other weekend and

[Alternista]

Watching as I can’t work on this out either.

[user1487194234]

Can be very difficult for children to always be moving from house to house

[waterSpider]

Varies as the children age.

Originally I/we did: Sun-Wed/Wed-Sat kind of split (so half a week each)
Then moved to weekly (child at secondary school).
Then moved to two-weeks on/off (teenager), though with visit to other parent each week.
Remember to think about the school holidays as well, as that can be used to 'even out' any differences.

Good luck.

[sadwithkiddies]

www.custodyxchange.com/examples/schedules/50-50/2-2-5-5.php

[Thankssomuch]

I did this for years with my ex. Alternate weeks. I absolutely would not recommend it.
My ex was particularly horrible; with a reasonable person it may have worked, I guess.

[queenjaneappro]

@Thankssomuch my ex isn't particularly nice either. The lids are young though and don't know any better atm, they miss him desperately so trying to find something workable...

[queenjaneappro]

Kids are young. Lids 🤦‍♀️

[workshyfop]

We do this pattern.

Me: From Sunday 6pm to Wednesday 6pm
Him: From Wednesday 6pm to either Sat 10am OR Sun 6pm alternating.
So basically we split the school week in half and have alternate weekends.

[Irre247]

I do as the above person but 1.30 “changeover” either Saturday or Sunday and it’s weds after school or 1.30 usually in holiday times.

Pros- one settled period with each parent, apart from weekends days are always the same so easier for organising activities. 4 nights was a long time initially but is as ok as it can be now.

Cons- I have to see ex every weekend instead of changeovers being through school, she goes in own clothes but comes back in school uniform so I am constantly having to ask for clothes back, which because ex is disorganised often takes a while, so I have to buy more clothes to allow for this. Don’t get a whole weekend to go away without having to ask. Haven’t been away with or without her during term time because of this. Ex would say yes if I asked as 50:50 was all about not wanting to pay maintenance rather than actually spending time with DD. I’m well up on nights over the last few years but I don’t ask for money as I’d rather have the time.

[1111Cleopatra]

We have always done a week on / week off starting on a Friday, with the Monday going back to the parent who had them the week before as a comfort day so that the children never went more than three days without seeing a parent. We’ve done it for years and it’s worked very well,

[Hiccupiscal]

First of all, if you can, I suggest you never go down this route, and you have one home where DC are based the majority of the time, and weekend visits/holidays etc at the other home.

I have DC 50/50 arranged between ex H and I when DC was around 2, DC is now 6 and I loathe it.
Its not good for his mental health either, switching households half the time, and his father situation and mine are worlds apart now. So he switches from one extreme to another.
If I could have foreseen this, no way would I have gone down this route.

DC Is 50/50, one week on, one week off.
Switch day is Monday after school, or 12pm holidays.

I guess its the best out of a bad bunch so to say, he doesnt get moved around constantly, holidays and trips away can still be arranged, on the week I dont have DC I do adult things and have the freedom to do so, he knows what to expect everytime.... no trying to explain to him that Wednesday is daddy's day, Friday mummy's day, this weekend mummy has you, but next weekend daddy has you etc etc.

Its all just after school Monday mummy will pick you up... mummys week/daddy's week.

Its hard to say what effect 50/50 is having on him, I guess I'll only know when hes an adult.

Ive also had to recently go for a hard 50/50 split, as I kept bending over backwards when my ex requested to have my son for longer (family events etc) but when I asked he wouldn't oblige. So now its a hard 50/50, meaning that I shall miss out on half terms (like this week) and Christmas etc.

I get around this by doing things earlier ie. We had our Halloween last week. Xmas will be done after the 'real' day....

Good luck op, I hate 50/50.

[Hiccupiscal]

And just to add, always be strong. I spent too long being bullied by my exH and his partner, trying to appease them, they have 2 other children and another one recently born, and I have only my DC, so they would the siblings against me

"Its kid 1s birthday, so we will have DC for extra X amount of time"

And they would tell my DC so he would expect he would be going, but if I was to ask for extra time (a bit of time over half term to do activities with DC, I would get a no, or an excuse)

Its taken me years to finally loose it and draw a line and get mad.

It was only recently but im waiting for the time EX is brave enough to try and ask me for something again now.