So much loss, so senseless, so selfish

[Chumbaw]

I'm feeling so much loss, even 9 months after I ended my 14 year marriage. How could I not have been aware that my best friend was actually just a greedy, shallow person. What does that say about me. We've all lost so much because of his utterly senseless decisions.

I don't even think he was truly sorry, other than being sorry his mask came off. He valued his image as a family man. He was full of resentment, hidden behind a facade of contrition. Disingenuous.

I understand there are so many reasons why people cheat, but when they don't give you a moment's thought, despite all your bonds and happy history, you couldn't feel any smaller. Insignificant.

It doesnt matter if you're sorry because you don't like seeing the pain you have caused your wife, children, family and friends. You made your choices without any reference to us. You have bound all of us to a different future. Selfish, stupid and senseless choices. You said you wanted to have your cake and eat it. You said it didn't mean anything and that it was a silly mistake. Don't you feel embarrassed saying such things!?

For anyone else out there whose partner thought they were only worth lies, how do you let go of all the anger and pain??? Why do I still feel so ashamed and worthless? Why didn't I know? Why was I so stupid that I believed the fairytale?

[Hyggemama]

That sounds truly devastating for you. My thoughts are with you and your children. Time heals so much and will heal this. Please don't rush or blame yourself for still feeling the hurt after 9 months. It will pass.

[Chumbaw]

Thank you - it feels a lonely position, though so many people have similar experiences. Xx

[trogladite]

I couldnt have worded it better myself

The cheating - absolutely, mine stayed with the other woman and introduced the kids pretty much straight away, playing happy families when he never gave a shit about the kids before.

The psychological abuse - it continues, coming to terms with what the relationship was like even without the cheating, how i was treated, its ongoing still. Now using my children to continue it

The badmouthing - cause when the mask slips they cant accept responsibility so they twist, manipulate and lie lie lie about you

The only thing you can do is hold on to the truth, know it isnt about you its all about what black souls they have, know that you are so much better out of it and that despite the lies other people still know the truth even if they dont seem to say it out loud.

Be kind to yourself xx