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(13 Posts)
Hamgreeneggs Wed 04-Mar-20 20:30:25

My ex-wife and I agreed visitation when we divorced 2 years ago. One of the stipulations was that they had to.continue visitation till 11.

My daughter was 11 last year and decided not to visit anymore.

My son, 10.5 years, is saying he no longer wants to see me. This after a harrowing experience where unbeknown to me he had gone into my phone and read inappropriate content.

Can I realistically do anything?

I would argue that losing my daughter as she is angry at me is one thing. Losing my son as well (and I would like to think we had a great relationship) is another.

Thanks

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millymollymoomoo Wed 04-Mar-20 20:33:25

Why don’t they want to see you? Seems really odd

Ellisandra Wed 04-Mar-20 21:08:35

Are you in the UK? It’s not called visitation here, and I’ve never heard of anyone agreeing a minimum age to stop. That in itself is odd. Why was that agreed? I mean - why was it anticipated that they would want to stop, so you had to agree to potentially force them until 11?

I think there’s a lot more to this 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hamgreeneggs Thu 05-Mar-20 05:01:06

When I got divorced - we did it 'amicably.

I guess I was both naive and gullible and in the agreement of when I would have the children I agreed that after the age of 11, they could decide what they wanted to do.

Yes I was stupid and arguably just wanted to leave the house (there was no one else involved).

Not sure there is any more. I am just wondering whether it worth me seeing a solicitor to get better arrangements especially when both children are now adamant they no longer want to see me.

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Hamgreeneggs Thu 05-Mar-20 05:02:42

My daughter appears angry at me and my son - no idea. For all intents and purposes we seemes to have a great relationship.

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MooseBeTimeForSummer Thu 05-Mar-20 05:33:38

The wishes and feelings of the child will be considered in light of their age and understanding. If they are mature and not just saying what they think their mum wants them to say then the Court isn’t likely to force them.

anotherfineday2020 Thu 05-Mar-20 05:44:41

Can you speak to your son and try repair things?
I would suggest a more legal set arrangement than being inconsistent and once they become teenagers they may need your contact whatever there thoughts or feelings.
I think to worry about the past arrangements not nessary your in the here and now and need to sort it, hey at least your a dad trying to be involved that's great. A solicitor can advise you of what to do if they don't want to see you and you do.
Tricky stuff, send hello how are you texts or emails if that's possible to your kids.

Hamgreeneggs Thu 05-Mar-20 06:09:37

It was all very peculiar. I had my son over yesterday and we had a conversation together about whether he would come next Wednesday and he said yes. We also discussed going to see friends on his weekends over.

As soon as his mother came to pick him up and has he was leaving, he simply stated he is not coming any more.

I just don't understand the turnaround.

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Istical Thu 05-Mar-20 06:18:37

Seems like a very odd agreement/arrangement. Unless there's some huge back story, at 10 and 11 they are still children, and their Mum should be supporting and encouraging their relationship with you. I would certainly be seeking legal advice with a view to getting contact formalised.

Hamgreeneggs Thu 05-Mar-20 08:58:30

no back story - during the divorce I was convinced by their mother that allowing them to choose at 11 would be in their best interests

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millymollymoomoo Thu 05-Mar-20 09:23:05

Sounds like mothers input to me
If it’s as you state here you should nit just accept this and fight for your children
Parental alienation ya a problem - look it up but don’t just let your children disappear because it suits their mum!

PicaK Thu 05-Mar-20 11:13:22

Inappropriate content?
Gave him a harrowing experience?
I hate to point it out but I think you've answered your own question tbh.
What are we talking - it doesn't sound like just sexy banter with a new girlfriend. I'm guessing either pretty extreme sex talk or you were sagging his mum off.
I think less about forcing the kids and a bit more concern for their feelings and the effect you've had would go a long way.
It must be awful to hear them say they don't want to see you. But behaviour is communication - they're telling you how upset they are and you need to respond to that

Hamgreeneggs Thu 05-Mar-20 11:32:30

I have considered that but am concerned that this has been going on for months (it wasn't a one-off exercise).

There seems to be a concerted effort to the discover more about people on the messaging and the amount of deception

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