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Ex wants to introduce estranged child

(7 Posts)
W1048797a Sun 02-Feb-20 19:34:25

Hi, first time posting and i am just after a bit of advice. My ex and i are seperated and we have a 5yr old daughter. We have a contact arrangement i place and i have the resident parent. My DD has come back from her dads this weekend mentioning her sister but her dad told her not to tell me....

My ex had a child 10+yrs ago, he has never had anything to do with her or wanted anything to do with her. Since we have seperated he struck up contact with her again and is now trying to orchestrate meetings with his estranged daughter and our daughter.

The issue for me is that my ex barely knows his daughter and has been back in her life for less than a year after 9+yrs of being absent. So i said that i think he should build up a relationship with her first before involving our daughter in meetings.

He told me that he will do what he wants whilst he has our daughter and that he will not allow me to dictate to him what happens...... i am trying to look after my daughters mental health here. A sister has popped up from nowhere with no explanation and he wants to play happy families. I am under no illusion that they will meet at some point but i think it is too soon right now.

Any advice please??

OP’s posts: |
RedHelenB Mon 03-Feb-20 19:36:07

I think at 5 year old your dd will be accepting of a sister. And whatever you think unfortunately it s not your decision. All you can do is to treat it as a positive thing.

doritosdip Mon 03-Feb-20 19:56:52

He needs to explain to his dd2, the story of dd1.

A court would say it was up to him and would only object if the sister was a paedophile or something.

How old is his dd1? How often does he have contact with dd1? The girls might not see each other frequently if dd1 lives far away or is on a different contact pattern.

Woody98 Mon 03-Feb-20 22:34:10

DD1 is 11 i think, i dont believe there has been regular contact. Hes only been in contact with her for a few months after 9/10yrs of no contact.

He wouldnt tell our daughter the true story because it would put him in bad light.

SandyY2K Mon 03-Feb-20 23:14:51

Name change fail.

Tell your DD the sister was from a relationship before she was born.

You can tell her the truth as you know it in a child appropriate way.

It seems you were comfortable enough to be with and have a child with a man who didn't want anything to do with a child of his from a previous relationship.

Did that concern you at all?

Woody98 Tue 04-Feb-20 00:05:24

Yes it did concern me, and when we were getting married i reached out to DD1's mum and asked her to be a part of the wedding... her response was over my dead body. DD1's mother also didnt allow contact either. When we had our daughter i also asked how we were going to explain to DD2 about DD1, his response was that there was no point because he would never see DD1 and wasnt bothered.

Frankola Sat 29-Feb-20 19:25:01

If he wants his DD1 in his life (which he should) it's none of your business.

I can understand your anxiety but your DD has an opportunity to have a sibling that until now both children have been denied.

That is a good thing.

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