Co parenting

[Missteebeee]

How do you successfully co parent with a parent that deliberately chooses to do the opposite of you?

So this weekend just gone.....

He picks up from school but won’t tell he has because “I did not realise I had to message you with my movements”. He lives in Devon and I won’t know he’s arrived on time unless the school phone to ask why they haven’t been picked up. I’m in London at work so not helpful. I don’t need to know his movements, just a quick “ive picked the children up”

Saturday was him going swimming.......no shower afterwards for our daughter who has long, thick hair. Not even a quick in and out to wash off the chlorine

Sunday he told me he would bring back in time for swimming lessons (I paid for the term). Now he’s saying he won’t. I asked that the children he bought back in time for bed (7) so I could do a bath, hair wash and story with our 6 year old. He replied hours later saying he would be back at 9. He brought them back at 10.30

Our 6 year old fell asleep in the car (understandably) but he hadn’t even bathed her or got her into pjs. She was asleep in the clothes she’d worn all day (including the trampoline park)

Our 15 year old needed to shower and get his things ready for school. It’s his GCSE year and doesn’t need to be going to bed at 11 pm when he has school the next day

So no baths or showers all weekend, no set meal times or bedtimes, lunch is sometimes a packet of haribo

How do I deal with this?

[UncorrectedDoormat]

Unless you want to argue in court for no co tact because of neglect, unfortunately you just take a deep breath and make up for it with your own parenting.

Your 15 year old can decide not to see their dad of they are concerned about school work and the way he looks after them.

I'm my case we have a written agreement regards pick up and drop off times, nature and frequency of communication, I've made it clear I'll follow up on neglect issues if he does bath and change the children at least once over the weekend. It's far from perfect, but it's better. I also keep a written record of any issues like sunburn, black eyes and bruising, etc.

It's shit, but your DC will see who the more reliable parent is, and they will appreciate you for it as they get older.

[45andfine]

As per above, you just have to suck it up. There's really no point trying to control what he does, he's obv doing it to annoy you so ignore him.

My ex eventually realised how important communication was when he was unable to plan in advance because I stopped the courtesy texts.

Things are better now, but he still doesn't feed them until 8/9pm which they hate.