Christmas and payments

[justranout]

What is everyone doing for Christmas?

My ex left a few months ago. He has been delaying sorting out his Xmas holidays. Told me he has four days off so he's having the dc Xmas evening to the 28th. But now he's changed his mind and is taking more time off. But we've got to fit around him meeting his friends etc

My judgement is clouded as I've just found out he has spent £100 on his ex-pa. He promoted her to be on his team just before we split. Pretty sure he's with her now but of course he's denying it.

He's also stopped paying me £500 a month as he's had legal advice and as it was classed a a gift to me and not maintenance it doesn't count. So stressed trying to think of how to earn more money. And he's out drinking and going out for meals. Dc(4) was upset the other day. Hysterical. As he hasn't seen his dad for ages. I suggested ex taking him out on my weekend just to cheer him up. He said he had plans and was going out.

I'm on the edge at the moment. I don't know what I'm going to do. Everything just feels so much. And I hate that I usually love Christmas and now I know I will end up alone that day.

Sorry. Pity fest. I just feel like shit today

[oldstudentmum]

Open up a case with cms you can do a online calculation with how many nights he has them in a year should give you guidance on his maintenance obligations to his child. You shouldn’t have to work around him unless he was a worker in the services/shift etc sounds like he is management level so used to getting to boss people around. Try to sort out set days etc for children they like routine

[Nighowl]

Can you not split xmas a bit more fairly? Seems like you are bending g over backwards to accommodate him.

[Porseb]

What's his office / corporate policy about having a relationship with a colleague especially a subordinate? Not that I'm suggesting you raise this with Human Resources at all ....

[justranout]

Thanks. I looked into it. He pays more than it says to but that includes the mortgage which I can't pay at all if it's just me. We'd have to move.

I asked for legal advice and the only solicitor who got back to me said they charged £300 to go over generic stuff and then if I wanted to instruct them (to get answers to my specific questions) it would be more!

I actually really need him to take the dc. I work from home and currently work till about 3am. He has them every other weekend at the moment. The only time I have to work is when they go to bed.

He wants more access but needs to sort it out at work. I need more than one night off in two weeks but I miss them so much when they're not here.

He's denying the affair. Of course he is. But I found he spent loads of money on her and delivered stuff to her home address via his amazon account. I'm actually more angry he thinks I'm stupid.

He would argue that if I fucked up his work then he couldn't pay the mortgage etc etc so all the money would go. I don't know what we'd do then.

I had to come home earlier. Was getting stocking bits in town and just burst into tears. God it's the first Christmas not as a family and I feel so pathetic but I don't know how I'm going to cope.