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Child order for communications only?

(6 Posts)
EdithTheCat Mon 09-Dec-19 19:02:28

My Ex is an absolute nightmare to deal with. We are in the middle of a high conflict divorce. I’m in the process of taking him to court over finances. Whilst we muddle through with child access, the communications around this are absolutely appalling. He cannot stop himself from having a dig at me when I ask a simple question about handover times and in between times he sends me awful messages and emails me about the past, harassing, insulting and having a go at me and my new partner generally.

Given there isn’t actually an issue over child access as such - just the communications around it - can I take him to court for an order to, for example, force him to use one of the approved Apps to arrange access / childcare? Or to behave in a civil manner?

There is nobody appropriate who could act as a go between (I’d thought of that) and currently my 14 year old child often gets involved - which isn’t right and I’m not happy about.

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ColaFreezePop Mon 09-Dec-19 22:18:57

Your child is 14 not 4.

As your child is already sorting out with their dad when handovers are happening let your child do it. Your child has shown they are capable so why clip their growing independence? Within a year your child will be sorting out all their own contact anyway as they will have other things they may want to do instead or exams to revise for so won't see their father.

Then block your ex on your phone, WhatsApp, social media and any other messaging apps. Once he realises he can't talk to you in person he should leave you alone.

EdithTheCat Tue 10-Dec-19 09:41:58

I’m not comfortable with that and neither is she. Sometimes the days suggested are not convenient and there needs to be a discussion - which degenerates.

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EdithTheCat Tue 10-Dec-19 09:42:58

This has nothing to do with the independence of my child. It is about not involving her in conflict.

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Lorry123 Tue 10-Dec-19 11:49:06

yes you can - I have an order that states my ex is not allowed to contact me and all child arrangements are discussed through his new wife and me using her work email address (so he can't just log into her gmail and start the abuse again).

Admittedly I go this undertaking written into an order after he took me to court for the 2nd time over child custody, but I used this hearing to my advantage to further lock down a few things that were impossible to deal with.

It has been an absolute game changer. I have blocked him on the phone and on email so he has no way to go to me directly.

EdithTheCat Tue 10-Dec-19 13:31:32

Helpful @Lorry123 thank you - there’s really nobody who can act as a mediator / middleman though.

I’m hoping that I can ask court to agree to something like Our Family Wizard. That way all three of us can see a diary and agree handover times, holiday dates etc there.

Given that shared child access isn’t really the issue (although the basic parameters could be formalised I suppose) it is just the method of communication - I’m not sure how this works in court. Hoping someone else out there has managed to do this and can advise.

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