I don't even know where to start, help!

[WanderingLost167]

I had been unhappy for a long time, and did a very stupid thing which my DH found out about on Thursday.

My marriage is over, we have two children, jointly owned house and I have no idea how to start the process of getting a divorce. It will be quick as he can claim adultery. Horrible mistaken way to cope with an unhappy marriage on my part.

What is step 1? Do I need to find a solicitor?

Are there forms?

I'm feeling very lost.

[Justmuddlingalong]

If he's divorcing you, let him start the ball rolling. Try and find a solicitor through recommendation from friends or family.

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

OP didn't want to read and run. I'm not going to judge, we all do stupid things.

This is all very raw for you and for him. It will probably take much longer than you or he hopes. Protect your children from the nastiness that will probably come. You can't change the past but you can try and do the best you can.

Don't do anything for now. Is there anyway you and H can talk alone over the weekend to work out what is best for kids. Just cos you cheated doesn't mean anything in law re who gets house etc but you will need to discuss where you will live etc. You will need a solicitor eventually but take one step at a time.

I hope you have family to support you.

[WanderingLost167]

No family, but we have talked about the kids.

He has a lot of anger and hurt. I lied to him for months.

How does one pay for a solicitor? Can they be paid when the final settlement is decided?

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

Some solicitors will accept payment when final settlement is received (not decided) - but only a very small amount will do so. Most will want money upfront.

You don't HAVE to have a solicitor, you could do it yourselves.

Have you given any thought to how you are going to divide up the assets?

[gezzerboy]

Sorry to read about your situation , people make mistakes . we all do. In many ways this maybe what was needed to make the break and make a fresh start.

A Solicitor will need to be paid with a small amount up front and then a payment at the end assuming its all easy

If you are not petitioning (Youre not) then it shouldnt cost more than £600 - £700 I would imagine he will make you for that though

Good luck

[waterSpider]

If he's seeking a divorce, then yes you can just wait until you 'get served' with the papers.

Keep in mind that "divorce" really means 3 things
1 legal end to marriage. Basically some form-filling, court fee of £550, easily done by literate adults. (though quite 'cold').
2 what happens to the children, who will look after them?
3 what happens to the money (debts, assets, house, car etc, plus child maintenance)?

(2) and (3) are somewhat linked. And they are not related to the reason for the divorce. You can agree between yourselves what to do, but if there are issues or a lot of cash, many people opt to use a solicitor or mediator (or both) to help settle things.
Now see: www.gov.uk/divorce

[lifeisgoodagain]

Try to talk, solicitors actually make things more difficult. Sit down and work out what you both would like to happen if you both agree on 50/50 care and 50/50 split of assets with the family home being sold then you may not need a solicitor, you can file online and there's online services to draw up the financial consent order. If things are not in agreement professional mediation can work for some people.

I'm personally filing online for £550 as soon as I get over the hurdle of having lost my marriage certificate and we were married overseas ... we agreed terms etc and are not bothering with the consent order, our choice.