Not coping

[Fairycake2]

I've posted previously about my husband leaving - he left 3 weeks ago saying he was struggling with his mental health and my DD was the main issue. I spent the first week in a mess, crying, anxiety, nausea, not sleeping and not eating. The next 2 weeks were better and I had my 'fuck you' head on especially after he told me it wasn't a temporary split by text (I'd hoped it was only temporary).

He came round at the weekend while I was away and took the rest of his stuff. All I got was a note left about boxes and keys! I thought I was ok but ended up in tears and haven't really stopped since.

I text him yesterday about divorce papers and he said he was surprised I was doing that. I said he'd shown he didn't give a shit about me so I wasn't sure why it was a surprise. He told me he was struggling and he was sorry. He wants to stay in touch and for us to be amicable. We have no children together so no need to stay in touch but it has stupidly given me false hope.

How do I get over this? My head is a mess. I keep trying to think I'm better off without him but I just want him home.

[Fairycake2]

Anyone?

[unicornsarereal72]

I'm sorry you are in this situation. Heart break sucks. As you have said he has made his intentions clear. And for your own well being you need to stay as low contact as you can. I know how hard that is. He was your go to person.

But having regular contact keeps your emotions raw. And you get your hopes up. You read things into the messages that might not be there. And keep yourself emotionally attached.

Gather people around you. And try and keep busy. Do go to your gp for support if you feel that would be helpful. Be kind to your self. It is a grieving process and takes time.

[Fairycake2]

@unicornsarereal72 thank you. Low / no contact is definitely the way forward. And reminding myself that he's made his decision. It's too hard not to read into messages otherwise and keep the hope going. I know time will make it better but I just want to fast forward and feel better now!!

[unicornsarereal72]

Sadly there are no short cuts. Just go day by day. Keep contact formal and try and distract yourself. Have you got plans for the Christmas period.

[Fairycake2]

If only there were but I know it will get easier over time. Yes, I have a few plans over Christmas but will try and make a few more. And will definitely keep contact to house related stuff only. Thanks again

[Notamummybutneedhelp]

I’m in a similar situation. It’s so hard. When you go from being with someone every day and sharing your life to nothing.

My husband also just said he was done and left. Came and took all of his stuff and messages me the most formal, heartless messages you’ve ever read.

Everyone is right though, the less contact the better. You’re just prolonging pain. I had to tell myself that even though I miss him so very much and I am heartbroken, I would never ever take him back after what he’s done to me so what’s the point?

Look after yourself, focus on the future, focus on all of the positive things you can think of. I keep doing little things that he wouldn’t have liked or would’ve moaned about and it’s liberating.

Try not to dwell, although I know it’s easier said than done x

[unicornsarereal72]

My best tip is to keep notes. Or a journal of sorts. Every time you want to contact them. Write a draft e mail. Don't send them. Just get your emotions out. I still do this from time to time. The old stuff is embarrassing to read. But it helped to get the words out.

They aren't the people they use to be. My ex always said there wasn't a bad bone in me. Funny this week I'm all the f and c's because I asked for some money. He hasn't paid child support for 18 months. In reflection it says more about him than me. Obviously life isn't as he imagined and I'm an easy target to take it out on. I wish I never had to see or speak to him ever again. Moving on would be easier that way.