Hi, I'm looking for advice and probably a little hand holding. This is not about me wanting the children all the time for me only and I'm not anti relationship with their father, but I have very serious concerns about them should he attempt to go for the role of main parent.
I would like the children to have a good relationship with him, to spend nights/time with him but really don't think he can be the main parent. Three children can choose and 1 is under 10.
I'll try to be brief and to the point but don't want to drip feed either.
I want and will go ahead with a divorce. He is in COMPLETE denial. We have been living separately under the same roof for over a year.
I have been with him all my adult life and married 18 years.
I have realised that I have been living under his control for that time. There is no equality, no joint decision making, he just goes ahead and does everything anyway.
Last year he punched me in the head. I called police. He has a caution for assault.
This is his second caution for assault, first one 14 years ago when he hurt me.
Three years ago he had a break down (I did post on here but have name changed) and his behaviour deteriorated. He is/was permanently angry at being wronged by his work, people he named etc.
During his breakdown he mentioned he had suicidal thoughts.
Recently he has sent a text to a counsellor saying he has suicidal thoughts.
I also think (and this is what worries me if it were to go to court) that he has all the classic traits of a narcissistic person. He can be utterly charming but also when it suits go into the I'm damaged have sympathy for me, most times any situation he comes away the victim.
I can come up with a long list of things he's done with the children where he hasn't been safe with them and what they were doing.
Would anyone know if the above were enough for him not to be deemed suitable for him to have the children if they were to choose him.
I don't think they will but he is a very high earner. 10x more than me. Suddenly he is interested in going shopping with the older ones etc.
I have been SHM until last year when his pay dropped because of sick leave. I have a job that allows me to do drop off and pick up 99% of time and have school holidays.
Prior to his breakdown he has always worked very long hours, coming home after bedtimes. Travelling extensively and even had a period working away for three years. Only now because of his breakdown has he been involved in bedtime, assemblies etc.
I'd be grateful for any advice but please remember I am not after blood, I don't want to restrict contact, I want them to have a relationship I just don't think he is fit to be a real parent.
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Divorce/separation
I don't think DH is responsible enough to have DC
12 replies
PressToChange · 01/12/2019 09:46
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