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How much access is enough?

(7 Posts)
Cantsleep22 Mon 14-Oct-19 19:51:51

My ex was seeing the children (10 months and 6 years) on the following days/times:

Tues - 5-7
Thurs - 5-7
Sat 2-7

I am due to return to work soon so I will need to wake the kids up 3 mornings at 6am in order to get them to the Childminder’s for 7am. I have told ex that midweek contact will need to stop. They already come back hyperactive and I can’t settle them until 8pm. Eldest really struggles to get up for school now and she doesn’t have to wake until 7.30am. Told him can have them longer on a weekend and he can have them overnight. He’s refused overnight as he claims he has nowhere to live because me and the children are still living in the family home. He is living with his new partner but he hasn’t introduced the children yet. He is using his parents address for correspondence but says he can’t have them there either.

He is saying he has had legal advice and he’s not seeing the children enough. My question is what more can I offer? We go to mediation very soon so need to come to some agreement there

OP’s posts: |
stucknoue Mon 14-Oct-19 19:53:43

Sunday daytime? Friday evening? He needs to alter his hours and pick up from school

Cantsleep22 Mon 14-Oct-19 20:20:49

Thanks for the suggestions @stucknoue I have offered Sunday as well and a school pick up but he has excuses for those too. He just wants a midweek contact and I’m getting a bit fed up of repeating myself. I work tues - thurs so only other suggestion is a Friday evening but then last weekend he wanted to collect them at 9am on Saturday too. I just worry about such long days and early mornings when they are both so small. Hopefully the mediator will see I am trying to do what’s best for them

OP’s posts: |
Athrawes Mon 14-Oct-19 21:13:34

Why doesn't he have them 50:50. Surely that would be ideal (maybe not the 10 month old but unless breastfed, I can't see why not).

waterSpider Mon 14-Oct-19 21:36:44

Generally a father would get more time than this, if it was a new case going to court and contested (and no important individual factors).
But, without having the option of overnight stays (it seems) it's hard to see how much more time would be practical anyway?

You are not being great, from some viewpoints, in simply declaring that mid-week "contact" has to end - because that is about you, more than the kids. Continuity is generally seen as good [then again, so is going back to work!].

From this, on the positive side you sound flexible, which is good, and you should make sure the mediator understands what kinds of offers you have made. Particularly is he is being inflexible. As a negative, you seem to have decided something quite important without really involving him in that choice.

millymollymoomoo Mon 14-Oct-19 21:41:34

That does not seem enough

What’s the plan re his living arrangements and the family home? Ie when will he be in a position for overnights

glg2108 Tue 22-Oct-19 21:16:50

Could he not pick them up from school on the midweek days and drop them back in time for bath/bed?

Totally understand how it is trying to work out what's best for the kids though, going through something similar myself...

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