Child contact

[greysome]

Recently separated and trying to agree on a longer term arrangement for access with our DD, aged 3.

Stbxh currently living in a caravan at his parents house. Which is a 15 miles from our house and DD school and nursery. We both work full time. He has been having DD 2 full days and nights there (his days off) and staying at the family house one night a week.

Staying at the family house 1 night per week (where I still live) no longer tenable due to increasing animosity.

He is requesting to pick her up from school on a Monday at 3pm and have her with him in the caravan until Thursday morning. longer term he is planning to rent somewhere until I buy him out in a years time (I will be paying all mortgage and bills until he is brought out).

Am I being unreasonable in now feeling that 3 nights a week in a caravan isn't ideal, especially with the weather changing. There is also one one double bed in the caravan so she doesn't have her own room, although granted she is 3. He also told me the caravan has several leaks and has not confirmed if this has been resolved.

I would like to request he has her Monday 3pm until Wednesday evening when he drops her back home with me at bedtime. That way it saves a 3rd night sleeping in the caravan and another 30 mile round drive (as she will already have been local due to school) but only reduces the awake contact time by an hour or two on the Thursday morning. It would mean he has dd with him for 2.5 days a week.

I then propose once she has had time to settle with that, and once he is renting a property, he change the drop off to his desired Thursday morning.

He finds this very unreasonable but is not agreeable with attending mediation either. I do not want to put unnecessary barriers in the way of there relationship and want to keep things as amicable as possible but I'm really not sure it's in her best interests?

[richteasandcheese]

Is he paying maintenance? Sounds like he's angling to have her half the week so he doesn't have to? Why wont he take her at weekends so he can actually see her all day, or is that another ploy on his part? What are his plans for moving out of the caravan?

[millymollymoomoo]

Why does it always have to be about maintenance. Perhaps he just loves her and wants to be a dad?? Tbh he’s in the caravan because you’re in the family home ..... either it’s ok to stay there or it isn’t inwhich case I don’t think 3 nights vs 2 makes any real difference (although I get the drive might be a problem) could he have her 2 nights in the week then one alternative one each weekend ?

[SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad]

Of course it's not ideal. It's not ideal for the poor fella who has to live in a caravan either!

He has moved out, leaving you to stay in the family home while things are sorted. If you are going to use that to reduce his access to his children, then he would be well advised to move back into the family home while the finances are sorted (which he would be well within his rights to do).

As a PP has said, it seems strange that you think the caravan is okay for two nights, but not for three.