AIBU WITH CONTACT

[Tilda58]

Hi I am completely new to this. I'm looking for a bit of advice. So here goes. I split up with the father of my 3 children 7 months ago, since the split he has been unreliable for contact. Taking the kids then not taking the kids, turning up late or not at all. I have asked him to take the kids on the weekends when I work both days 12 hour shifts, staying over night on the satuarday and dropping them off on the sunday when I get home. At first he refused and then accepted but he turned up 1 weekend. After now constantly letting the kids down I have put a stop to contact and seeked advice from a solictor and put forward the days. He declined and has offered to take children either a satuarday over night or a friday which means either way 1 of the days I cannot attend work. I have a good family who have been helping out but my mother suffers I'll health and I know this cannot continue. I have also offered him to take kids through out the week and I am willing to be flexiable but as i often do overtime through the week late shifts I may not be there to drop the kids off however a family member will always be in the house to drop my kids off too. This was also declined as he wishes for me to be there to drop the kids of to. My oldest child refused contact with him as she was aware he was not turning up but has had recent contact which I am glad at. She is really hurt and angry at the situation. However my question is he has said he is taking me to court to get contact with the kids. He doesnt have a solicitor at the moment but is answering my solicitors letters. In my last letter I have suggested meditation, I am still waiting on his reply. If this goes to court do i need to accept his days on seeing the children? All i ask is for him to take responsibility and look after our children whilst I work like I so when he works. It seems to me like the situation couldn't be better for childcare arrangements, he works mon-fri I have kids I work weekends he surely could look after kids. It worked this way for 11 years. Now he just uses weekends to go out. He has said I should give up my job and take benefits and that he is entitled to a weekend to his self as he works 5 days a week. Surely what's best for the kids should come first. I am unsure of how this will play out in court should it go this far. Sorry about the long rant. Any advice would be appreciated.

[HennyPennyHorror]

He sounds like a right idiot. The court will certainly look at your situation and advise that he looks after them on weekends. But in your shoes, I would be trying to find an alternative as he's so unreliable.

How old are your children?

[Tilda58]

Hi hennypennyhorror my kids are 3, 5 and 12.

[Weenurse]

No advice but he needs to step up.
He can go out Friday nights or is he trying to live the life of a single man?

[Tilda58]

Yeah that's exactly it wee nurse. He wants to fit the kids in when it suits him. It is awful because he has always been a great father up until the split. The younger 2 miss him. I honestly dont know what I should do. He has 6 nights of the week to go out.

[Weenurse]

I would also be looking at different child care options as he sounds unreliable.
Good luck

[Otter71]

How many weekends do you work? If it's every weekend then the scenario is different to one in four say?
You say you work weekday overtime too. How many hours do you actually do and is there a pattern? I appreciate çhildcare for shifts is a night mare. is there any compromise in terms of flexible working?
My ex didn't get shifts at all which led to me holding out til both were teens but that was the wrong solution for many other reasons.
Good luck...

[Tilda58]

Hi otter71. I am contracted to work every weekend. Both days 12 hour shifts. As for the overtime through the week I mainly do the same 3 days unless for some reason I cant do 1 of the days I'll swap for another days overtime and I always work the same hours. However my youngest is due to start nursery so my overtime will be during school hours which will work perfect.