Recently separated and struggling

[Lcookie86]

Hi, im new to this but am looking for advice/support...
I found out in feb that my husband of 10 yrs was cheating on me with someone ive known for over 14 yrs, we separated soon after but remained sharing our family home.. this was until he told me he wanted to make a go of things with this woman ..i kicked him out at this point, several times he has tried to come back and i even tried it for a short time but i just couldn't forgive him for what he done to our family.
He has gone back to her now and they are in a relationship but i am really struggling to ger past this.
We have 2 amazing boys together but he is choosing to spend more time with her and is neglecting his parental responsibilites, i genuinely have no idea what to do about it all...
Im really struggling to try and move forward and would love some advice from people who have been through the same
Many thanks x

[ohwhattodowithmylife]

I haven't been through what you have but didn't want to read and not leave a response. So sorry it's rubbish what you are going through..
I don't get how he doesn't want to support his children.
Look after yourself and I hope you get some good advice x

[stucknoue]

A virtual hug... not the same situation but I'm struggling separating too as are many here. Unfortunately men seem to want to put themselves above the needs of their kids (or us). Others have had very similar situations so they may be able to give better support. Take care

[HRMumness]

I’m a bit further down the line I think. H cheated and left, we tried to work through things, he moved back in, then left again. It’s full speed ahead with the divorce now. I’m heartbroken. I’ve been a SAHM since our eldest was born (we have two DDs) and was going to return to study / work this year. For me, taking care of the practicalities has really helped, removing his stuff from the house, getting things agreed, selling my wedding stuff! I have the kids the majority of the time - so I just keep busy with them and try and see lots of friends. I try not to spend too much time on my own but when I do I’m kind to myself - take baths, paint, do yoga, watch movies. I’m not sure I can ever get over what he has done, it’s all been hellish but I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and stay strong for my two DDs.
for you OP.

[StarlightSparkle]

I am in a similar situation except my STBXH never left me for her. He cheated with a work colleague but after I found out she moved away. Like you, I tried to carry on but couldn’t get past what he did so we have separated and he moved out a few weeks ago.

I’m without the children this weekend and it is hard but I’m trying to keep busy by making plans with friends and enjoying the things I couldn’t do if the kids were here (ie having a lie in!)

I am filing for divorce straight away as I want all the finances sorted and don’t want to feel like I’m in limbo. Would that be an option for you or could you not face it yet?

Other than that I would recommend being kind to yourself, as HRM suggested, and also accepting that you will have good and bad days but things will get easier over time. Focus on the kids and enjoying your time with them.

I’m sorry, it’s really tough

[AimeeFrank]

Hi OP. Sending lots of hugs your way.. keep busy, surround yourself with family and friends, watch box sets and hinch.. it will get easier but it’s deffo a rollercoaster. My husband left me nearly 11 months ago. My mum also died recently in a car accident and our impending divorce and her death is sending me over the edge. He just can’t understand why I’m angry he makes it all about him.. how dare I get angry etc. What helps me is talking about that (and my mum) to anyone that will listen (friends, fam and my counsellor). Thinking of you x x

[Lcookie86]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice!! Its lovely to get support from people in similar situations, i send love and hugs to you all and hope you all happiness xx