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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Mortgage contribution

13 replies

trayjkay · 26/03/2019 13:44

Hi, my ex husband and I separated in October 2017 after many unhappy years and Relate not helping. We have two kids now aged 17&20. My husband refused to accept I was leaving him and refused to move out so I did. My son works with his Dad so as I work away a lot it made sense to leave him in family home. My daughter is at Uni. I have paid him maintenance and pay my son money directly as well as pay for both kids mobiles. My ex now has house on market and it's a 50/50 split even though he earns 50% more than me. He is now saying I should be paying towards the mortgage? He earns quite a lot more and he is only paying interest off not capital so pays less than I do for rent. I have moved away to be closer to work so my son doesn't stay every week. I don't think o should be paying to mortgage if I am already paying maintenance plus a lot more for kids?

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SkinnyPete · 26/03/2019 14:25

It's a joint asset, so technically, yes you should be paying for your half. However, if you can't afford it (beyond your needs), which would be understandable considering, then something needs working out.

As the house is on the market, it would probably be ok to ask the lender for a payment freeze. So, if you can't afford it, I'd disagree to paying it and suggest a freeze. If he doesn't want to freeze, then he's as liable to pay it as you are. Keep your eye on it though, as you're going to want to keep as high credit score as you can in your new life.

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wobytide · 26/03/2019 14:49

If he expects you to pay towards the mortgage then you can expect him to pay half your rent

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drquin · 26/03/2019 14:59

If the mortgage is in your name (solely or jointly) then you're legally obliged to pay it. It's your debt.

Separately, you & ex need to work out the split of your joint finances. The fact he's paid more into (assuming he's been paying it all) the mortgage may well be taken in to account in not arriving at exactly 50/50 split.

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Ellisandra · 26/03/2019 15:41

You call him your ex husband, but then my husband.

Sounds like you’re not divorced?

You need to sort all this out via a Consent Order as part of your divorce.

Do not continue to sell your marital home with a 50/50 split until you have done full financial disclosure and agreed the divorce settlement!

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trayjkay · 27/03/2019 09:35

He is my ex husband and we have always agreed a 50/50 split which he want to back on as he knows I am using most of my equity for a deposit on a flat for our daughter which he knows or reliant on my share of the equity. It is also 18 months on since I moved out and no I cannot afford to give him £300 a month as well as what o already pay him and did my sons living costs. My point is why ask for it now and not at the start of the split. I'll tell you why he has a new puppet master for a girlfriend. My credit score is still over 900. Thanks for all the comments so far.... some of them are useful

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LemonTT · 27/03/2019 13:10

There is a simple point here. The cost of mortgage should be split 50:50. But so too should the benefit of the home. He occupies his 50% and your 50%. So yes you should give him 50% of the mortgage payment but he should give you back 50% for occupying your half of the home. So the net effect is zero.

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trayjkay · 27/03/2019 14:39

Yeah good point @LemonTT . The fact is he has met another woman and actually spends 5 nights out of 7 with her. So actually is also contributing there too. He is saying he can't afford the mortgage when in actual fact he can't afford his chosen lifestyle of having to run a house and pay towards his living costs in home number 2! I am not going to be bullied into paying towards his lifestyle, this will be her influence.

As I already pay nearly £400 towards costs for a joint secured loan and costs for our kids as well as paying my own rent on a flat that is more than the mortgage payment he makes (interest only) on a lower salary than him he won't be getting any more money from me. I've told him to take a payment holiday until it sells as we are entitled to one.

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trayjkay · 27/03/2019 14:46

To clarify @Ellisandra he is definitely my ex there is no confusion there as I have a Decree absolute and I am not a Mrs anymore! When I told him I was leaving him he was my "husband" as per my sentence but thank you for pointing that out.

We have a written agreement that the equity split is 50/50 and that includes a few debts we will settle jointly out of the equity. We have already amicably gone halves on estate agents fees and conveyancing costs.

What has just arisen after 18 months of him living there alone is him now asking for more money than he is getting from me already. It's because his girlfriend is charging him rent as he actually stays there most of the time. To clarify he earns more, he stays at the jointly owned house one night a week, he pays less than Me each month in bills and mortgage where I am renting. I also don't have any spare money as I pay for more for kids than he does which means he doesn't need to pay for many things.

Always was obsessed with amassing his money

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Ellisandra · 27/03/2019 15:46

I mentioned a Consent Order, but you have said you have a written agreement. So does that mean you didn’t ask for a Consent Order to be granted with the divorce? (I am assuming you’re under England & Wales Law)
I would expect a CO to be clear on who is paying the mortgage until the house is sold - as well as specifying the terms to trigger that sale.
If you don’t have a CO, and he’s now trying to change what you’ve agreed, I think you need legal advice to understand your next steps.

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Ellisandra · 27/03/2019 15:49

I wouldn’t waste time thinking about “her influence”.
This is ALL your ex’s choice - don’t blame her!
She’s done nothing wrong expecting a contribution if he’s there 5 days out of 7. Even it’s her suggestion to try to change your arrangement with him - it’s still his choice to do it! Forget her.

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trayjkay · 27/03/2019 16:49

@Ellisandra I was offered a CO as part of divorce but haven't done one as we have been in agreement until now and yes it's in writing. This was my choice and his too. He still agrees to 50/50 once sold so I've suggested he takes a payment holiday so he lives mortgage free for six months or until sold. I can't afford to give him half the bills end of.

I am really not concerned about her and yes she is entitled to rent from him she is a single mum at the end of the day, I have absolutely no issues with her, she is polite to my kids that's all I'm bothered about. I divorced him because he is a bully and a narcissist. I've moved on to much happier times.

He is skint and thinks I'm loaded which I am so not so the £400 I am already paying towards kids and a shared consolidation secured loan is more than I can afford, if you haven't got the money you haven't got it, unless I stop supporting my kids!!

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LemonTT · 27/03/2019 19:57

The logical solution to his occupation of 2 homes is to only live in one. If he wants an option he can move out and release the family home to you.

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trayjkay · 27/03/2019 21:14

@LemonTT ideally yes. It is up for sale but I can't afford the mortgage on my own it or I would buy him out, it would have to remain on interest only if I moved in and the mortgage is due to be paid in 12 years. He does need to live in one and pay for one I agree.