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Stay in or sell family home?

(9 Posts)
LostwithSawyer Tue 05-Feb-19 17:51:15

I feel I'm in a catch 22 and don't know which way to turn.
So I seperated from my husband 9 months ago, he's living with his parents and I'm in our home with our 2 children.
He has said he is willing to pay half the mortgage until youngest is 18 (8 years to go)
Now my conundrum is I feel he will have some kind of control over me and the house if i stay but if we sell and half the proceeds I cannot afford rent here. My mortgage is much cheaper. Yet hed have no say over my life.
I work full time and am on an okay wage but cannot afford mortgage and bills on my own let alone the extortionate rent that is charged around here.
I don't get much universal credit so not sure if I'd get help with housing benefit.
Has anyone had experience with selling the family home and starting over with nothing?

OP’s posts: |
2018anewstart Tue 05-Feb-19 22:03:13

I just wanted to say you won't necessarily get half the house. You have to look at all assets. You may get more 60/40. Do you have pensions? Who is the highest earner? Was it a long marriage? There are lots of factors to take into account. Currently going through this myself. Am happy to give you any advice based on my experience so far. I am trying to keep my house independently it will be tight but want clean break from stbxh.

NorthernSpirit Tue 05-Feb-19 22:41:41

In order for you to stay in the house you would have to satisfy the court that you can pay the mortgage and outgoings indecently. Your EX isn’t obliged to pay half of the mortgage.

Be sure you can afford it. Are you sure he wants to be tied in for another 8 years?

IMO mesher orders only postpone the Inevitable. Better to face into the problem now.

Nettletheelf Tue 05-Feb-19 22:48:39

Crikey OP! Paying the mortgage and bills indecently!

Are you sure that hanging on to your current house is the best idea? Agree with other posters that you need advice to work out how to split all of your marital assets, but you might be better moving to something smaller rather than trying to keep hold of your house at the expense of eg a share of your husband’s pension.

LemonTT Wed 06-Feb-19 09:20:07

Whilst clean breaks are usually the recommended course of action, that depends on the circumstances. It might not be in the interests of you both given your needs at the moment.

Consider the offer as an option but look at other options as well. Not knowing your respective financials or the local housing market we aren’t going to be able to say what these are.

The 2 downsides of his offer are that he may not be able to meet this commitment in the future and you will have to hand over his equity in 8 years time. At a time when your working years are reduced. So as other say it’s a deferred problem not a solved one.

If you do go for this option, you need to be thinking about what you do in 8 years time. You will still need a home and may be faced with kids going to university etc. Further down the line you need security for old age.

Most people recover from the financial impact of divorce but it usually better to have time on your side and a plan.

LostwithSawyer Wed 06-Feb-19 09:49:12

Thank you all for replying. I have a lot to think about.

OP’s posts: |
supergrains Wed 06-Feb-19 15:42:09

I would just say that you are both likely to get new partners / marry / or have more children.
That's why a clean break is usually better in the long run, then you're both not tied to each other financially and if one of you turns nasty in the future it doesn't mess up the others life.

northernglam Wed 06-Feb-19 21:07:39

Do you have a spare room and could have a lodger or a foreign student to help with mortgage? Costs of moving eg stamp duty, sols etc should be factored in to split for when you do downsize. Or move to a cheaper area now before exam years. I doubt he’ll want to live with his parents for 8 years so selling now when you can get a small mortgage with reasonable term may make sense it gets harder get mortgages the older you are. I think he will feel in limbo not being able to get his own place and won’t be a clean break

Variousartists Wed 06-Feb-19 21:08:52

Would he expect to visit the house/just turn up with a key?

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