Why does he do this?

[CoconutGal]

Having this constant battle with Ex H. We aren't even in the first stages of divorce despite him telling me he's done the paperwork on his side. He still loves me & I understand that can make things harder especially when it comes to children. (We have 1) He can't stand being around me, but constantly over text or will send me long messages about how he feels, where we went wrong, that he can't face being around DD because she's like me. Then he supports me & helps out with DD, then backs out again. I'm so frustrated because it means any plans for overtime I have to cancel & it also means my usual shifts are a struggle too. DD won't go to his anymore because it's too far away from home (45min drive). I feel like ex h wants me to help him all the time but I don't know how anymore without feeling like the only option is to get back with him to make him happy. Why does he do this? It's been almost 10 months now!

[Soopermum1]

OP, I am 2.5 years down the line with a similar ex. He won't reply to messages, I had to have him served with divorce papers. We split at my instigation (police removed him) and for the first 1.5 years, he was impossible to deal with as he kept harassing me, telling me he still loves me.

Now he refuses to speak to me, or even receive emails from me. Social services set up Mediation in the hope of us finding some way of being able to co parent. He attended willingly, but refused to do it with me, so had a separate session where he told the mediator he still wants to get back with me.

Now that we're getting into the nitty gritty of what is best for the kids, he seems to have disengaged again. He did this with the family therapist, disengaging when it was made clear that I only wanted to talk about what was best for the kids.

He seems to swing wildly from love to hate, when he is told that I am only interested in co parenting.

He hasn't seen his daughter for a year as he doesn't want to pick her up from my home, he wants to make me meet him halfway even though it is a ridiculous idea, and he'd have to see me to do that. I have suggested if he picks her up from the house, I can just send her out the door, no confrontation needed.

So, sorry, not much advice. My ex, I believe, has serious emotional issues. I thought that him having a girlfriend might make him live in the real world, but clearly not. I hope Tory's comes round eventually. I don't think mine will and I am on the verge of cutting him out of daughter's life permanently to save her own emotional health, a decision that's breaking my heart

[CoconutGal]

Thanks for your reply. It's comforting knowing I'm not alone in this. 10 months in & im all out of wanting to help. I have considered a family therapist or mediation but is it worth it if DD doesn't want to go to his?

[Weenurse]

If she is old enough to make her own decisions then leave it alone.
He is making things hard for your and trying to control how things happen.
Don’t let him dictate what happens when.