Sorry this may be long.
STBXH and I separated few months ago. We have two DDs 3yrs and 9yrs. He has since rented a flat nearby and has furnished it very nicely, he took the kids to pick the furniture for their rooms and for the house (sofas, dinning table/chairs) and to buy them a pet.
I have been the primary carer, I work 3 days a week and the occasional weekend, I have a childminder to help on the weekdays I go to work, dad looks after them on the weekends I work.
Before separation, he used to get home from work anytime from 8pm up to 11pm..on some occasion at midnight. Post separation, he is back from work 6:30pm - 7pm. He comes to visit the kids as he chooses - which could be everyday, every other day. There is no pattern despite me asking repeatedly for structure and routine to his visits. I have taken the kids to visit with him at his house but he brought the 3 yr old back after 15mins.The 9 yr old idolises her dad and has indicated she wants to live with him. She is excited by her new pet STBXH is getting her, dream bed and living in a new house.
Yesterday, he told me that he wants 50:50 custody as well as having physical access to them on the days they are not with him. He has contacted a mediator to facilitate this.
He also said he is leaving his job to get one which would give him more time with the children. He has also already hired a childminder for when he will have them 50:50 (childminder is his relative).
I don't mind him having the children 50:50 but when the youngest is about 5 -6 years (in year 1).
I fear mediation may be a failure. He has been verbally, emotionally and financially abusive. Still is. STBXH is very controlling and likes to intimidate me physically. He was physically abusive on one occasion which led to police involvement.
I already feel intimidated and may give in to his demands because I am scared of him even though I feel the chop and change of 50:50 would not give the children stability they need now. And I don't have the financial resources to fight it.
How likely is STBXH to get 50:50? How does a mediator help in this situation with different views?
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Divorce/separation
Don't feel I am strong enough, Please help me not give up
2 replies
Itisadifficulttime · 24/11/2018 07:00
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