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Does it get easier??(4 Posts)
Hi I'm feeling really down tonight so please bare with me. Basically I'm 21 years old with an almost 3 year old and I just feel so alone. When I was 17 I met what I thought was the love of my life, the relationship was very intense and we rushed into an engagement and baby. I do not regret my daughter at all, she's the light of my life but I now know that having a baby so young wasn't the right decision for us. We ended up splitting just over 2 years ago and most days I hate him. He's put me and my daughter through hell since we split and he's a shit dad when it all boils down to it. However, when I'm alone at night in my little flat and my daughter is asleep I can't help but feel this awful bout of loneliness, like I need him. I don't understand how my feelings are still so strong after basically no contact for 2 years. He has a new girlfriend and when I picture them together it's like a punch in the stomach, I still feel like I did when we were together, maybe even more! We had such a good relationship at the beginning, he's the only person who ever really understood me and could make me laugh better than anyone. He's done things I should hate him for but I just can't and I really do try! My friends hate him and when they say anything negative about him it makes me sad for him like he doesn't deserve to be talked about like that but I know he does. I know I'm being silly because I know full well he doesn't give a crap about me, but why can't I just get over him! It frustrates me because I feel like I'll forever be trying to find him in other people, in my eyes no one will ever be as good as him and it makes me feel so low knowing that we can never go back to being how we were. I'm still in love with him and I've never admitted that since the split, I still cry about him often. I guess I just want to know if anyone has been in my situation and does it get easier? People told me when we first split 'it gets easier, soon you won't hurt this much' but it's been 2 bloody years and it still feels so raw, I'm so drained with loving someone who doesn't want me. The memories are the worst, I just wish I could turn back time
It is tough detaching yourself from a relationship especially when you have a child together. Also at 21 it is a lot of responsibility to take on. It is no wonder that you yearn for him to be in your life. With your child being so young what is your day to day life like? Do you have a support network - friends, family, college?
Sorry I've taken so long to get back to you, I have good surroundings really, I'm doing an access course at college- psychology and sociology and I love it! I have great friends in and out of college, and although I don't have a massive family, I see my mum and sister loads and they help where they can with my daughter so I wouldn't say I'm lonely in that aspect. I must add that my dad died very suddenly in 2014 and I met my daughters dad only a week after my dad passed away, I feel like I never really had time to grieve, I was in the exciting stage of a new relationship and it took me away from the reality. Since me and my ex have split I've thought about my dad a lot more than I ever did when we were together, it's like it's only just happened because I feel like the relationship kinda paused the grief. I don't know, it's like now I'm alone in my living room watching tv, doing course work, my daughter is in bed and I just long for my ex. I can think about the horrible things he's done and still just wish he was here. I know it's loneliness more than anything but I feel like I don't have a right to be lonely because I do have a decent life, plus surely if it was just loneliness I'd want anyone but I don't I only want him. The situation just deeply saddens me
Remind yourself that this is only temporary.
And when your at the bottom the only way you can go is...up
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