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Divorce/separation

I thought I would feel better by now....another blow

2 replies

mumx5inuk · 21/04/2018 11:40

Divorced my ex in 2014 after 34 years of marriage, five children (1 stillborn.). He was pretty much nasty throughout, I thought divorce was out of the question. Then he told me he had a “secret son” who was 36 (adopted out.). Two of my children have special needs, my youngest is 16 and now he’s just announced he’s retiring early so the child maintenance he pays will go down by 75% (true, I’ve checked with CMS). I am just feeling so down. I hate feeling sorry for myself. But I am feeling sorry for myself, now he is retiring seven full years before I can do the same. I did get part of his pension in the divorce (pension splitting) but I relied on child maintenance for the basics, I’m on minimum wage. How can I stop feeling sorry for myself? Now I’ve got to find another £300+ per month, which will mean probably taking a language student, but I just don’t have the energy or anything anymore to take on even a lodger, I just feel so worn down and now I could not have predicted this. I tried so hard to plan but I just never imagined he could retire early (he was naughty at work but not too naughty so that they would offer him a golden handshake to just leave....full full pension.). I want to stop obsessing and focus on myself.

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SilverLoopy · 21/04/2018 11:48

So sorry to hear of your situation. I can very much understand that you must be feeling pretty low right now. I don't have any answers, and hope someone will be able to help you out, but just wanted to send tea and sympathy, and let you know we're here for you and listening.

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mumx5inuk · 21/04/2018 12:11

Much appreciated SilverLoopy, I only learned details yesterday, so it is all still fresh and painful. I think part of it is that he prioritises his son over his daughters so that he assumes he can retire now his son finishes uni, whereas youngest daughter? He just doesn’t care about her needs. I’m just feeling sad today. I thought getting an annulment would help me (emotionally), but I got an annulment in 2015 and it’s slim comfort on a week like this....