Not sure what to do now

[needsomeguidanceplease]

I've nc for this as I don't want dh to see this but I could really use some advice please.

Dh has left me and dc and I don't know what to do now. I'm not well and am struggling to think clearly.

Previous history includes alot of mh issues on my part, I worked through these with intense therapy and meds and was doing well for quite a long time but over the last year the issues have risen again and I am back on the long road to getting help.

I have huge trust issues and ptsd so can sometimes be quite distant and not affectionate at all. Dh had an affair a few years ago and we tried to make it work but I guess the trust was never really there again. Dh works away alot and I've kind of resigned myself to the fact he could be seeing anyone whilst he's away, I don't have any proof of this now though.

Fast forward to now and I'm having a bit of a breakdown. Life is stressful all over, young dcs that I do 95% of the care for, a full time job that I squeeze into part time hours and illness on my side of the family.

This is the moment that dh has decided he needs to go. We own a house but it doesn't have a lot of equity in it, dh earns more than double what I do. My dc are my world and I'm gutted for them, this is not the life I envisaged for them.

I don't know what to do now. I need to provide stability for the dc but I feel dead inside. I haven't slept at all last night, haven't eaten for the last 2 days and am poorly so this all just feels too overwhelming for my head.

Would appreciate any advice or even just some company. Feeling very alone right now.

[MrsBertBibby]

First up you need to see your GP ASAP. This is too much!

Can you get some time off from work to catch your breath?

[needsomeguidanceplease]

I'm off work currently, just because I'm not well enough to be there without any of the additional stresses! Will have to go back shortly though as I don't get sick pay.

I have been seeing my GP since May last year to try and access mh support in my area. 10 months later I'm still waiting! I have been pushed around the houses and assessed repeatedly but despite being told I'm at the top of the waiting list there's still no support. I'm on medication which keeps me level but sleeping tablets are a no go as DCs need me in the night. I'm not sure what else my GP can do? It just all feels so hopeless.

[Lonelycrab]

Hi needsome this is a really sad thread but a few weeks ago the bottom fell out of my life too so hope I can help just a bit. You must get some food inside you and try and get rest. I was force feeding myself toast and soup and was surviving on 2 hours sleep for days and it’s really hard to think rationally like that I know.

Trust is shattered when partners sleep around and he now wants out, it sounds like you’re better of without him. There will be some equity in your house, so even if you sell and have to rent you will still manage. Not the life you hoped for I know but you work really hard, so you will find a way, or at least a plan once you get some rest. Do you have anyone close that can be with you right now?

[needsomeguidanceplease]

I don't have anyone really no. The couple of friends I do have are busy or have family commitments of their own.

I tried force feeding myself porridge earlier but it came back up after a few mouthfuls. Sorry TMI I know. It's like my body has stopped functioning correctly.

I really don't want to sell the house. My poor DCs need some stability as do I.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

The bottom fell out of my world almost exactly 6 years ago so I have the benefit of hindsight. Your DC need you, you are sad they realise that, but they need you to get up each morning and sit down to meals with them. For a considerable length of time you will just be going through the motions and yes there will be awful days. Eventually it will get better and then one day you will be happy again.
Regards food porridge is very heavy, light thin soup, small piece of bread would settle much better.