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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Weektime childcare

24 replies

baggy12 · 20/02/2018 14:07

Hi guys.

Quick opinion poll.

After separation does a child who is 4 in reception at school have to stay with 1 parent only for nights during the week?

Or can the child share time spent with both parents during the week?

Both parents live within 15 mins drive of each other?

Thanks

Felix

OP posts:

Report

lozzalou93 · 20/02/2018 14:57

I don’t know the legal answer but as I child I spent 1 night at dads, followed by 1 at mums and I loved it. Seems extreme I know.

If there’s only 15 minutes apart and they’re won’t be any issue with school drop off/pick ups then what’s the issue?

baggy12 · 20/02/2018 15:29

Thanks for the message.

Well currently, we do pretty much every other night, but my solicitor recommended that we do it In blocks. I'm proposing a Monday and Tuesday with me and the other days with my ex.

I feel like this is pretty reasonable, but she seems to think its a very unusual thing and no body does it and its disruptive and complicated with school clothes etc?

I disagree and we may have to go to court.

Just would like some opinions to make sure I'm doing the right thing!

OP posts:

lozzalou93 · 20/02/2018 17:01

Oh I see. That is reasonable but unfortunately some people have tunnel vision when they don’t get their own way. As long as the child is well looked after and happy that’s the main thing. Hopefully you reach an agreement between yourselves. As long as you communicate if there’s any homework or school books not being left at mums/dads when needed the next day then there shouldn’t be an issue.

baggy12 · 20/02/2018 18:10

Thanks that's good advice. That's certainly how it feels at the moment.

Anyone else got an opinion?!

OP posts:

Onlymeeeeee · 20/02/2018 18:18

Is that Monday and Tuesday every week then a more conventional sharing of the weekend?
My stbExH was muttering about having the children on Tuesday and Wednesday nights in the week but he expects me to provide all clothes washed and ironed, and the children to tow little cases to school on Tuesday and Thursday. That's the unreasonable end of the spectrum imho.
Also, he supports NO homework, reading etc. And feeds so much sugar and allows late bedtime that behaviour is severely impacted.
This may colour my judgment of your proposal...

baggy12 · 20/02/2018 18:19

Thanks that's good advice. That's certainly how it feels at the moment.

Anyone else got an opinion?!

OP posts:

Helpmeltb · 20/02/2018 18:23

Exh has the kids Tues, Wed, Fri one week and Tues, Fri, Sat the next. It works fine, but he does often forget bits of their uniform on a Sunday and has to make another trip to mine.

Spottytop1 · 20/02/2018 18:35

My partner has his daughter 1 night in the week, every Friday and then alternate weekends and has done she was 4.

No problems at all.

baggy12 · 20/02/2018 20:39

Thanks guys.

Anyone else?

Fyi I have my little one every other weekend.

OP posts:

ontheball75 · 21/02/2018 08:57

Have you looked at Mon and Tue with mum every week Wed and Thur with dad every week and alternant Fri to Mon. It's called the 2255 schedule. It's 50/50 and drop off and pick ups are done through school in term time.

baggy12 · 21/02/2018 09:55

Thanks very much for the message, both of those look like good options.

Does anyone else have an opinion?

OP posts:

Onlymeeeeee · 21/02/2018 11:55

@ontheball75 i like that idea for my DS. Older DD is not going to sleep anywhere else thanks very much (her words)

baggy12 · 21/02/2018 14:45

Thanks guys.

My solicitor today recommends I see my son one night a week. I don't understand why.

OP posts:

sothisisnew · 21/02/2018 15:24

My DP has EOW and had to go to court to get one night in the week, which was granted. He also asked for his weekends to be extended from Sunday evening to Monday morning, and the court said that it would be too disruptive to go from weekend to week with their dad. I think that's dodgy reasoning, and it was really a concession to their mum who didn't want him to get anything.
Also, we live 45 mins from their mum so you may be more likely to get 2 nights in the week. Move quickly going to court- the longer you go without the harder it is to change both actually and legally.

sothisisnew · 21/02/2018 15:27

EOW and one night in the week is standard, which is probably why your solicitor is recommending it, but if you can make it work and you're keen then there is no reason why you shouldn't get it. I would say treat it as a negotiation and ask for more than you're prepared to take.
Also also, do as much prep for it as you can- make sure you're reading with your DC and take her to school in the morning if you can- anything to establish yourself as part of the weekday routine.

sothisisnew · 21/02/2018 15:27

Sorry, him not her!

baggy12 · 21/02/2018 15:57

Hi, what's an EOM, DP or DS?

OP posts:

ontheball75 · 21/02/2018 16:07

@Onlymeeeeee are you looking at your DS sharing 50/50 with your ex? I suggest your ex buys his own clothes for your son when he is with him. There really is no reason for him to bring anything other than a school bag between houses.

@baggy12 is your ex opposed to a 50/50 child arrangement? Are you able to resolve this without going to court?

baggy12 · 21/02/2018 16:20

That's what I was hoping to do, but i was going to settle for 2 nights a week at mine, i.e. Say a mon and Tuesday. Then the fri, sat, sun night if its my weekend. But its not looking that way currently.

OP posts:

sothisisnew · 21/02/2018 16:21

EOW- every other weekend
DP- dear partner
DS- dear son

Ilovewillow · 21/02/2018 16:28

My sister has this arrangement with her ex. She is a nurse working approx 3 nights a week so her daughter switches between Homes depending on shift patterns. They live very close to each other and are amicable. They have been doing it for 18 months since their daughter started school at 4. It seems to work pretty well and means no childcare is needed bar grandparents at times.

gingermary · 21/02/2018 16:53

My parents did this when we were children, we were 4 and 7 when they split. It did work but there was often a lot of shuttling backwards and forwards with uniform homework etc. I got really good at packing but did feel like we lived out of a suitcase a bit. Once I left home at 18 and my brother was 15 he tended to stay with 1 parent and go to the other for weekends. It worked fine for us and I developed close relationships with each parent as they were equally involved in the nitty gritty of everyday life. It isn’t easy though and requires good organization and flexibility on the behalf of the parents to drop off forgotten items etc.

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Onlymeeeeee · 21/02/2018 19:21

Good organisation, flexibility and my ex are not exactly close!

serena5610 · 03/03/2018 03:23

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