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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Ex wants half of everything

25 replies

moonbeam75 · 11/12/2017 20:09

Hello,
My ex has told me he wants the monetary value of half of everything we've bought since we were together. I live with our children in the family home and he's moved out, we've been separated over six months. He's also saying he's going to reduce child maintenance payments because he thinks one of his children isn't is and is asking for DNA tests. All our children are his and mine. Child maintenance was an amount agreed between us, there is no CSA involved.
Has anyone had this happen and the best course of action? He said I either pay up or he'll get a lawyer. I told him to get a lawyer.
Thankyou for reading.

OP posts:

Report

moonbeam75 · 11/12/2017 20:11

We are still married atm I sent him divorce papers but I've still to hear if he's signed them as he was saying he wasn't going to.

OP posts:

Tinselistacky · 11/12/2017 20:13

Contact cms. He can arrange dna tests if he wants. Keep whatever is necessary for you and the dc and give him a share of possessions.
See a solicitor.

moonbeam75 · 11/12/2017 20:19

Thankyou Tinselistacky, there's nothing here of value, just a normal home with the usual furnishings. He took his technical stuff, his car, anything else that's ''his'' is here for when he can house it himself, and we both have half the debt we had on credit cards. I certainly cannot afford any serious representation, if I receive anything from a solicitor from him then I will have to add that to the credit debt of course as will need representation.

OP posts:

Allthebestnamesareused · 11/12/2017 20:19

Get yourself a lawyer and let him get one. It is probably the only way forward I'm afraid to say.

moonbeam75 · 11/12/2017 21:45

Thankyou Allthebestnamesareused, it sounds like a very time consuming future to work out half of a used cooker, bed, washer etc do solicitors work like insurance companies and guestimate these values. The house is rented, there's no assets, I am more bothered about his disgusting comment about DNA actually. Is there some sort of directory for good divorce solicitors?

OP posts:

Pop24 · 11/12/2017 21:51

Whatt? I thought you meant he just wanted half of the house, not all your used stuff. I’d try and get a personal recommendation for a good solicitor. He’s living in cuckoo land. You will end up paying way more for a few solicitors letters than any of your stuff is worth I suspect. Definitely go through CSA.

bastardkitty · 11/12/2017 21:55

There is absolutely no reasoning with someone who has lost the plot (if he ever had it) like this. Literally no point trying to communicate. Just refuse to engage. It's a nightmare. You have my sympathy.

HappyHedgehog247 · 11/12/2017 21:55

I would go through cms for child maintenance. He can insist on DNA test if he wants one. I would call a local family solicitor who will give a free initial consultation so you have someone familiar with your case and then I would wait for him to pay and send a solicitor's letter. Even then you don't have to respond. He'd have to take you to court. If it's true you don't have assets of value then it wouldn't be worth his while. If there are things he bought I would give them to him.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 11/12/2017 21:59

Yes tell him to get a solicitor and you will deal direct with them. Most solicitors won't be bothered by half a 10 year old divan

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 11/12/2017 22:00

And definitely agree to the DNA test if he pays and gets it done officially.

JaniceBattersby · 11/12/2017 22:06

Christ. He sounds like a right charmer. The car is not ‘his’, by the way. For the purposes of a divorce, it’s half yours. So if he’s going to want half of the cushions and the cutlery drawer then make sure you demand your half of the car....

Anyway, aside from that. Please get a solicitor and go to the CMS immediately. You’ll be surprised st how much shit he’s talking.

moonbeam75 · 11/12/2017 22:09

Thankyou ladies above for your replies, I do intend on awaiting for a solicitor letter from him but I've never been in this situation before so don't know the legalities of how things work. There is nothing of value, assets etc that's why I am confused as to his request to offer him a financial payment for half of everything, it's not like I have anything , it's like he wants to put me and his children in further debt despite him having a career which is only going to increase in income whilst I work PT and try to start some career aged over 40 as I stayed a stay at home Mum for over a decade.

bastardkitty I am doing OK at not engaging, I was just very upset with the DNA comment, I am hurting for our child he's stated this about and my friend is saying he's just trying for a reaction but obviously I need to be aware of what may come. It is a nightmare, I don't want anything from him but that he sees his children and I do feel for him that he's had to leave his home but it's the type of situation where it's the only option and he has to move on as I am trying to.

OP posts:

Killerfiller · 11/12/2017 22:10

I wouldn't bother getting a solicitor untill you get a serious letter from his fictional lawyer his just being bitter and looking for ways to spite you.

Don't pay a penny I don't understand how he can try and deprive the mother of his children or child whatever he thinks.

And with regards to cms I'd go via the official channels.

Good luck. Plenty of support here for you.

ddrmum · 11/12/2017 22:17

Ignore him completely & go to cms for maintenance money. If he wants a DNA done, he can pay for it. Sounds like he is trying to get money out if you. When you get a solicitor letter from him, then you can engage someobe. It's worth finding out your position as others have said. Many solicitors do 30min free advice & this would also help you get a feel for if you can work with them or not.

moonbeam75 · 11/12/2017 22:21

Yes I am going to await contact of a legal kind before seeking any seriously myself, although I may consider the free thirty minutes to see what a professional has to say about his messages regarding his demands. It all seems to have come out of nowhere it's just a shock, and it's good to be able to come here and get some advice and support as it's quite a lonely new world I'm in and it's difficult when you've no experience or anyone to talk to. Thankyou very much, you are making me feel less shocked now and I can breathe somewhat x

OP posts:

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 12/12/2017 21:07

Also in the situation you outline there's a good chance he owes you something for the impact on your career while you were supporting his career by taking on more of the childcare. It's one of the times that you are much better placed if you are married, but don't sign the divorce until the finances are sorted properly- it sounds like you need some proper legal advice to me.

MrsBertBibby · 13/12/2017 07:49

No such claim as Slightly suggests exists.

I would tell him he doesn't get money, he gets items, however, as you will need to replace those items (new for old) he will first have to pay a lump sum under Schedule 1 Children Act to replace the stuff he takes.

So he may prefer to buy new for himself.

MrsBertBibby · 13/12/2017 07:51

Oh FFS ignore me, You're married.

Yes, you keep the furniture etc. Just tell him to push off.

rachelracket · 13/12/2017 11:19

🙄 i bet you are devastated to have let this glorious creature slip through your fingers. DNA test, a CSA claim and a lawyer should sort all this out no problem. the twat. good luck

rachelracket · 13/12/2017 11:20

basically op, don't donhim any favours. why would you if that's how he's going to behave??

Blahblahblahzeeblah · 13/12/2017 11:23

Has he given you half his car and technical stuff too then? Tell him to take a hike.

wednesdayswench · 13/12/2017 11:29

Ha! He's having a laugh.

Tell him he is welcome to get a lawyer and take you to court, you also welcome DNA tests!

In the meantime get your free advice from a solicitor and do not engage with him, just tell him you will wait to hear from his lawyer. (I suspect this is more about having the power over you, and trying to 'rattle' you more than the actual money) don't react.

I would recommend you go through the CSA, and get it official as the next thing you know he'll stop paying you maintenance.

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IAmALeafOnTheWindWatchHowISoar · 13/12/2017 17:51

Have a rootle around the Wikivorce site as well.

click link

BabyOrSanta · 13/12/2017 17:57

If OP is staying in the home with the children, would there not be more of a case for an uneven split eg 60/40, 70/30 of the assets?

Don't forget OP that lots of assets (such as his car) are actual marital property, not just his unless they were bought after the divorce

ArcheryAnnie · 13/12/2017 18:26

He took his technical stuff, his car, anything else that's ''his'' is here for when he can house it himself

Then if he's taking all this stuff, you should claim for half of that, too.

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