House valuations and consent order

[FabulousUsername]

My & stbxdh decree nisi will be granted on Tuesday. Hi has wanted to do it without lawyers and I've filed all paperwork (from me on grounds of unreasonable behaviour, it was his idea to divorce as I would have happily continued as married but separated/living separately lives).

He wrote out a list of our assets early on, we own two properties outright and he lives in one, I in the other. The rest of the assets are savings, no pensions. My property was bought recently so we agree that value. His property was bought 5 years ago and we (he) has done a lot of work on it. I don't want the property, it's totally his place (part of what caused our problems) and I originally proposed a value (apologies, I will have to get number-y about this) an amount. He argued that it should be 25k less... I didn't argue as it was just a proposal but I thought it was low. He hasn't taken any initiative with the divorce process and has left it all to me...and has been asking me to 'update the spreadsheet'. Recently a similar house to his sold, so I called the agents who told me it sold for 100k more than his valuation. So, I put down a new value,increasing it by 75k (so less than the house nearby sold for). He predictably went ballistic. He says it was his hard work that increased the value, I sort of agree but the market has gone up as well and I think it was meant to be a joint asset, not just his pet project.

I've just started realising the implications of the consent order...my financial future set. We're both in our 50's. So, I'm not sure what to do - keep the peace and lose out on about 25k (and seeth because he gets his way) or go to solicitor / form E...which will put things on an adversarial footing which we want to avoid. He's gone into 'black depression' and has been calling and texting all weekend trying to get me to admit that the house is worth less... Which I've said I'd do but nothing is fixed now, just between us. And he's still calling to reinforce how depressed he is. I don't know whether to be hard nosed or nice! It's been a dreadful weekend...

[Phillipa12]

A reasonable person would get an agent in to value the house so the spreadsheet could be adjusted accordingly, instead he is sending emotionally blackmailing texts and calls. I would be inclined to say that you are instructing a solicitor to deal with the financials and not enter into any further discussion with your ex.

[FabulousUsername]

Thanks. I'm thinking that I'll have to get solicitors involved if he won't see it objectively. It's not a huge amount I'd be out if I go his way but it's my financial future, and as I've been used to a comfortable, if not rich, life I'm terrified of going downhill. I'm also getting annoyed that he's left it all to me to sort out. I'll talk to an agent about the value of my place too. Obviously if we're undervaluing that it might balance out.

[plasticcheese]

It was suggested to me that we get 3 valuations on the house before filling our form e.