Consent order/form E before divorce?

[WhentoD]

Can anyone help with the order of things?
H has agreed to start the financial separation (pension valuations and house valuations etc) but doesn't want to start the divorce 'cause there's no urgency'. He wants to divorce by 2 year separation but its been going on so long that i want it to be quick, via unreasonable behaviour. There's been plenty of that, but to be honest, i could agree to me taking that hit just to get it done! If we do it his way, no fault separation, can we include the time we've been living separately but in the same house?
He says we don't need form E and can do it all by mediation. I'd be happy with mediation.
But could he change the terms of the financial agreement before we divorce. He been very EA and verbally assusive so i just want to not be tied to him for longer than i have to.
I have had legal advice, but that was when he agreed to do a diy divorce by unreasonable behaviour. My solicitor (chosen but not engaged yet) will draw up the consent order.
It's just that i don't want everything to be compromised became of the slow divorce process.

[larrygrylls]

The form E is not a requirement but most feel they need it. It is definitely required if you do not believe that he is honest about his finances as it is a legally binding document which carries severe consequences if you are not truthful on it.

No, I very much doubt that the time living under the same roof counts, though I am not a solicitor.

You need to the decree absolute in order for a court to agree the consent order (the bit that makes it legally binding). If you are happy with him continuing to support you (assuming he is the main earner/provider) for 2 years, then it may work. However, if you want a clean break and to settle quickly, sadly the only way it works now is via 'fault' divorce. I believe this could be changed soon but probably not in time for you.

[WhentoD]

Oh I see. That makes it really clear. I do want form E then. I think i trust him on finances, but he's so hard to talk to and if he senses a whiff (perceived) of criticism, I don't stand a chance with him.
I don't want to wait 2 years to make the consent order legally binding as you can never tell if he'll change his mind (and rewrite history!).
So:
Form E
Fault divorce
Consent order prepared before absolute stage.
It would be nice to have him support me while i try to increase my hours. But it's more important to get free from his rages! If I can find something near dds school i won't be so limited as i have been.
Thanks very much x

[Lonecatwithkitten]

Larry is not quite correct you need the decree nisi to get the consent. It is not advised to get the decree absolute till the consent order is sealed.

[WhentoD]

Oh. But can you get a nisi quickly, even if you go the no fault route?

[larrygrylls]

Whento,

I don't think so. There was a long article in the Sunday Times by a top female barrister championing no fault divorce (v sensibly IMO). The point that she was making is that people are forced down the 'fault' channel to get financial clarity in a reasonable period of time.

The good thing is that the reasons for the divorce are sealed, so it is not a public document.

[WhentoD]

So, i can't even send the form off until we've been separated 2 years😣.
Even though he's accepted he's been abusive, he want agree to it on the divorce now. As it's sealed, i could take take responsibility to get this moving.
The longer he stews on this, the more he's likely to drag out the finances. I'm going to suggest that to him. Thanks.

[HalfMyLife]

He would have to petition for divorce on Unreasonable Behavior in that case though, which doesn't sound like he would do. If he's willing to, then yes, that's definitely the way to go. Otherwise, you can still petition - and if he doesn't respond within a certain period there are steps you can take to still move it forward.
Once you've got your decree Nisi you can file a financial consent order.
I sent my petition off in June this year, and my Nisi is being pronounced next week.
Good luck, whatever you decide

[WhentoD]

So if he says he won't agree to unreasonable behaviour or petition me for unreasonable behaviour, i could still petition him? He is likely to refuse to accept it though, so would respond accordingly. I wouldn't get the nisi in that case would I?
Halfmylife, did your OH agree to UB then?

[MrsBertBibby]

Unless he acgually defends a UB petition you will get your decree nisi.

Defending costs money and is technically tricky. Very few UB petitions are successfully defended hence the uproar over the Owens case.

[HalfMyLife]

WhentoD - yes, my OH signed the acknowledgement of service straight away, but with a note fro his solicitor that although he disputed the allegations of unreasonable behavior , he accepts that the marriage has irretrievably broken down - so it all went through no problem.

[WhentoD]

Oh. That sounds more promising. I thought he could just say no to it and that would be it as there's no real proof.
He also says we don't need to do form E. But that's another battle to be had!

[HalfMyLife]

Doesn't need to be proof - you just need 5 or so examples of his unreasonable behaviour. If you google it you'll find examples that you can tweak to suit your circumstances.
Mine included
Lack of interest in mine and the children's physical and emotional wellbeing
Refusal to sleep in the marital bed
Going to the pub 5 nights a week after work rather than coming home
and a couple of other specifics that I won't put on here - but you get the gist. Doesn't have to be earth shattering, life destroying stuff - just stuff that you can't live with anymore

[WhentoD]

Thanks half. They're good examples. That sounds like it could work. I doubt he'll agree in advance because "there's no rush" but i doubt he'd spend money to defend it and I'm not prepared to wait for 2 years separation to kick it off.

[NotSureIfiAmWell]

My STBX left June. My degree nisi for unreasonable behaviour will be November. He wanted a 2yr seperation but due to his complete lack of financial awareness my solicitor wanted to get me divorced asap to protect me for the future. We have done Form E. He didn't want to. Transpires he had a pension CETV of £300,000 which he wanted to keep quiet.

[WhentoD]

Notsure. I bet he was annoyed! Good for you. I guess that's why the form E is so important.
Makes me even more determined to go the UB route...

[WhentoD]

Stbex has agreed to UB now so that's a step forward! Also agreed to do a financial statement but not form E. So there's another half a step too. I am going to insist on form E though, which he's resisting cause it's time consuming and "we trust each other"...

[FabulousUsername]

When, I agree with UB, you can make the reasons very bland. I too would have preferred no fault (as divorcing was his idea, he had his eyes on another woman who is now out of the picture) but as he left it to me to do everything I had to file but I didn't mention the other woman, I put down reasons like he wouldn't let me choose TV shows and he complained about my cooking. It has all gone through to decree nisi stage but what I'm concerned about is that He isn't working (sort of by choice, he runs his own firm) and therefore liable to run down our joint savings before we agree financial matters. As much as you trust your H his self preservation might kick in over the two years and he might spend more recklessly or work less hard knowing half will go to you. I haven't done form E so this might prevent that from happening but I'd suspect you are at some risk until it is official. So two years separation would be difficult, rather than a gradual process it would be two years of torment.

[Wishingandwaiting]

I have just come out the other side of the process and my very very strong advice is given the personality of your husband I absolutely think you need to engage a solicitor.

[Wishingandwaiting]

You can still do mediation.

I would speak with my soloxykr before mediation and it have me such confidence to know my rights and what I should push for.

[FabulousUsername]

Wow not sure, exactly what you'd be afraid of and glad you sleuthed it out! I think I'll need to take this advice and get Form E done. I've been so trusting really glad it's his desire to divorce after years of living with a joy sucking miser

[NotSureIfiAmWell]

Form E definitely. Also get copies of all paperwork before it disappears. STBXH closed down our joint account without asking me so take your share out ASAP

[sizenines]

Slithering out of doing a form E could mean Ex has something to hide. It should be a decision (like all your decisions now that you have split) that you and your solicitor come to, never be persuaded by your Ex to ditch financial disclosure.

Mediation with an EA and verbally abusive partner looks to me like a waste of time and money. You can state the reason of past intimidation and coercion if anyone tries to push you towards it. The court would understand your decision.

[WhentoD]

Yes, i agree with everyone. Form E is a must. I took a copy of our rolling financial record, which captures all our accounts and debts, months ago so i had a reference point. I wouldn't be shocked though if something has been hidden for years. Luckily we have a joint financial adviser though who we are seeing next week. Known him for years. Awkward!!
Just know it could get nasty so trying to plough on while he's behaving okish.
Mediation with him is a risk but if i take advice first, i won't agree with anything that's not in my best interest.

[Hotheadwheresthecoldbath]

I petitioned for unreasonable behaviour and didn't have to go to mediation.It is especially not recommended with abusive controlling partners.
I also to my half of the joint savings and put them in a seperate account,if my OH had begun a spending spree I would have moved it all.It is all disclosed on form E so easy for anyone to see why it was moved.

[NotSureIfiAmWell]

@WhentoD - how are things?

I have just had my Financial Order approved so l can apply for absolute in a month.