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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Fair settlement

19 replies

SpanishCaravan · 14/09/2017 19:15

Hi

I'm in the process of arranging a divorce with my wife. Its amicable (ish) and I want to try and keep it that way. We're just doing the paperwork ourselves and Im using an online divorce service for the forms/consent order.

We've come to an agreement that we both agree to and that I want to get put into a consent order. I just wondered if anyone could comment on if this is fair in their view? I think it is and my wife is happy with it. But I wondered if legally it would be viewed as fair by a judge and if they'd agree to the consent order.

The arrangements are quite simple really.

We have 4 kids. They will live with me. They can see my wife whenever she wants. It varies but at the moment its just a few hours a week on a saturday. Shes never had them overnight in the last 10 months.

I earn approx 3200 net per month
She has just finished training as an animal nurse and works 20 hrs per week. She earns around £600 per month.

Assets are just
UK house - net equity of £30K
Second house - net equity of £100K
Other Debts £16K
Total net assets of £114K

She wants to go off on her own and be financially independent. She wants her own house mortgage free.

Ive said I'll pay for the children and bear all costs.
I'll also give her £100K (which I'll borrow) and she will use this to buy a house (she's already found one she likes).

She is happy with this. From my perspective I earn more than her but I'm left with all the debt and will bear the costs of raising the children. She can see them whenever she wants.

Does this seem fair?

Thanks

OP posts:

Report

Viking64 · 14/09/2017 21:19

Only you can decide that mate are you happy with it if so go ahead

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/09/2017 21:20

She should be paying you CM.

PlatformNineAndThreeQuarters · 14/09/2017 21:23

That's better put on wikivorce than MN tbh

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/09/2017 21:27

She wants to go off on her own and be financially independent. She wants her own house mortgage free.

She wants a lot doesn't she

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/09/2017 21:28

You're both parents to the DC, you both work, why wouldn't she contribute anything to the cost of their upbringing?

It's up to you but I think you'll regret it.

Allthebestnamesareused · 14/09/2017 21:30

Pensions need to be included as assets too.

Racmactac · 14/09/2017 21:31

You don't mention pensions?
You have the children and therefore should get more of the pot as their housing needs are priority.

I would say more like she'd be lucky to get £50k

A judge may refuse to seal that consent order.

Go and get some legal advice

Racmactac · 14/09/2017 21:31

And she can get a full time job and then maybe she can get a mortgage

MrsBertBibby · 14/09/2017 21:36

You earn £3Kpcm. Pay a solicitor.

SpanishCaravan · 14/09/2017 21:42

OK thanks for all your comments. There aren't any pensions.

We're been together 19 years. I wouldn't take any money off her for the kids. Plus she earns next to nothing anyway so it wouldn't go fair. I used to be the main breadwinner and she stayed home and looked after the kids. Shes' doing what she felt she missed out on I think which is working (sounds crazy ha but I do kind of get it).

I'm happy with the arrangement. We both get what we want. I want the kids living with me (which makes sense anyway as I work from home so can do all the school runs, shopping etc, while she has to go out to work). She can see them when she wants. She's got security in terms of a house that is hers. I'll probably pay the mortgages off in years to come and then own the houses. So we are both happy with it. I defo don't want any of her income.

From the responses above though the judge may not be. Which sounds crazy to me. If we're both happy with it, that should be it (so long as there's no coercion etc). I guess if he didn't agree to it i could just leave the consent order and just get a divorce? Then I'd presumably be running the risk of her coming back in 10 years time and saying she wants a share of the houses?
Thanks

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/09/2017 21:46

I wouldn't take any money off her for the kids. Plus she earns next to nothing anyway so it wouldn't go fair.

It not your money. It's your DCs money that they are entitled to.

From the responses above though the judge may not be. Which sounds crazy to me. If we're both happy with it, that should be it (so long as there's no coercion etc). I guess if he didn't agree to it i could just leave the consent order and just get a divorce? Then I'd presumably be running the risk of her coming back in 10 years time and saying she wants a share of the houses?
Thanks

Do not get a divorce without a consent order. That would be absolute madness.

A judge may also not grant your absolute with out the consent order.

MrsBertBibby · 14/09/2017 22:01

I guess if he didn't agree to it i could just leave the consent order and just get a divorce?

He?

SpanishCaravan · 14/09/2017 22:01

Wow really? So I couldn't get a divorce unless i took more cash off my wife?
I just wanted a nice easy amicable divorce. I certainly don't want any hassle or to have to go to court or anything like that. I like that we're both happy . I can just borrow the £100K cash off my dad to pay her off.
Would it make a difference if I put on the consent form that my dad was giving me the £100K (hes not actually said but I think he may just let me off when it comes to repayment).
Thanks

OP posts:

SpanishCaravan · 14/09/2017 22:02

sorry - meant "she"

OP posts:

Belindaboom · 14/09/2017 22:04

Let you off repayment of 100k?

SpanishCaravan · 14/09/2017 22:07

Could we write a separate side letter to go in with the consent order saying that we've carefully considered the arrangements, have taken legal advice and believe that this is in the best interests of the children, me and my wife. We're each able to move forward and are in agreement in what is best for the children and are happy with the arrangement and intend to remain amicable etc?

OP posts:

SpanishCaravan · 14/09/2017 22:08

Well he may or may not I don't know. He is very wealthy but doesn't usually give money away ha. However, I just wondered if I said that if it would swing the judge into accepting the arrangements on the basis that it wouldn't be classed as a debt of mine?

OP posts:

SpanishCaravan · 14/09/2017 22:13

On a separate note. Do we even have to mention the child maintenance in the consent order? Isn't this separate and just something we can arrange between ourselves? If so this then wouldn't be a factor and it would just be a case of division of assets and any spousal maintenance? (In which case I assume there wouldn't be any spousal maintenance from me to her, and certainly none from her to me, and I retain the 2 family houses and she gets her own. So it seems fair to me).

OP posts:

Phillipa12 · 15/09/2017 03:15

Myself and my exh decided on the division of assets and the consent order by ourselves, we then took independant legal advice on the consent order and tweaked it slightly, the judge signed it off. You do need legal advice, its up to you if you take that advice, a judge is more willing to sign off a consent order if he knows that you have had legal advice on its content. You do need child maintenance even if its £50 a month, parents on benefits still get made to pay cm so her wage is irrelevant.

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