DDs don't want to go to Dad's House

[LadyHonoriaDedlock]

Arghh. Stbxh and I hrecently sorted out arrangements for where all of the kids live. Teen ds is living with me, and my two dds are doing 3 days a week at their Dad's house, but now dd 7 has decided she doesn't want to live with dad at all, and dd 12 just goes very quiet and stressed at changeover. They were supposed to go to his last night but asked me if they could stay another night here. To be honest I don't blame them. Stbxh isn't great at putting them first or looking after their needs, although he does really love them. To be honest I would be more than happy to have them all the time and struggle with the idea that I should be persuading them to go there against their wishes. Also to be honest, I'm scared of his reaction if I tell him - especially what dd 7 says. But the other parents at school say she cries every time she's with him and even her extra curricular teachers say they've never seen her as happy as when she's with me. I've got to woman up and tell him, haven't I? Or will this settle down with time? I'd really appreciate any advice from people who've been here.

[ImperialBlether]

They shouldn't be spending so much time with someone who isn't putting their needs first. Do you think he wants them there to spite you rather than because he wants them?

[LadyHonoriaDedlock]

I don't know - I think he is genuine, but just really self centered. There is probably an element of wanting his rights....

[MrsBertBibby]

Why does your eldest get a different arrangement?